On Life and Words

Sometimes in life, we come to a crossroads with people or situations. We are faced with the choice of either continuing to hold on or to try to let someone or something go. This is the first step in healing from trauma or abuse, and it can also just be something as simple as needing to clear your "emotional clutter" or remove complications from your life to be able to live your best life in as healthy a way as is possible. This might need to happen in a very direct and abrupt manner. You may need to make a conscious choice to get someone or something out of your life, choosing to go no-contact with an individual or choosing to drop a habit or something else. It can seem to come out of nowhere to the other person if it's an individual, they might even get angry with you for losing their access to you. In some cases, it's just a simple case of a friend or family member and yourself losing common ground and needing to go separate ways... there's nothing wrong with...

Childhood is hard. Adulthood is hard. Being a human being is hard. Being a DECENT human being is even harder.  It's impossible to go through life completely unscathed... no one can do it. Every single moment, every single experience we have... shapes the people that we become. This can be to the better or for the worse. I don't believe that people are born "bad"  or good either one... I think they are all born "neutral" and then their experiences and basic personalities shape them into the people they become. For most of us, we're just you're average, garden variety good person. In my case, I'm a pretty good person who got handed several bad hands in life. I ended up being abused most of my life and now have to deal with the aftermath of being abused, which includes PTSD, dissociative disorder due to Complex Trauma and a host of other mental and emotional issues. The average person walking past me on the street would never be able to see or gu...

Whenever you know that someone is abusive to someone else, that they are harming others, you are just as culpable in the abuse if you don't speak up or attempt to stop them. Yes, the blame for abuse should always lie with those that abuse... but those who know and attempt to do nothing, are just as responsible as those who are actively committing the abuse. Abuse of another person, in any shape or form, is a crime. If you don't speak up, if you simply ignore it or "don't want to get involved," you are choosing to allow the abuse to continue, and that is just as much a crime as the abuser is committing. Every single person on this planet deserves to live a life of peace and happiness, to live in safety and freedom. NO ONE deserves to be harmed or abused. We all have an ethical and moral responsibility to speak up and make attempts to stop abuse when we see it. For those that would argue that if someone is being abused, they should just "leave" ... ...

Life is hard. I mean, really hard. Often, we struggle through life, carrying our baggage with us and we simply muddle along until something makes us stop and set the baggage down and leave it behind. Some of us never set the baggage down, some carry that baggage through their entire lives - damaged, weighed down, causing damage to those that cross their paths. When you're living with trauma, it's really easy to simply accept that the pain is just a part of life and so you begin to not even question whether or not that pain is NECESSARY. We don't stop to ask ourselves if we HAVE to carry that pain around, because we've just accepted that it simply IS. But, what if that pain isn't necessary? What if you could live your life without carrying a lifetime's worth of pain with you? Sounds amazing, right? I am learning, after a lifetime of abuse and pain, that it's possible to let the pain go. But first, you have to be willing to let go of the things that hurt ...

So, if you've followed me for any length of time, you already know I have 9 children... ranging in ages from 19, down to age 2 1/2. I had my first 5 children within 5 years of each other... then spaced out numbers 6 and 7 out over another 5 years. I had baby number 8 when baby number 7 was 5, baby number 9 followed 16 months later. My life is pure insanity sometimes... even the older ones who don't live with me can contribute to this... Mom's life is filled with stress and worry for all of her children. I absolutely adore all of my children - from the semi-bratty teenagers, all the way down to my littlest miniature dictator toddler. However, they completely exhaust me! The toddlers, that is. With two toddlers in the house - ages 3 and 2, my life is absolutely never boring. They are always getting into things, fussing over the same toy, loudly shouting the words "NO!!" or "MINE!" over things that are most definitely not theirs or over things that they ...

As I sit here on this Independence Day, I have no plans.. just myself and my two youngest kids, hanging out at home and watching tv. We won't be getting out to watch fireworks or anything. I have severe anxiety in large crowds, so taking two toddlers into large crowds or heavy traffic is the last thing I want to do. But we're enjoying the time together and I'm definitely enjoying the peace and my freedom. While today is our nation's celebration of Independence, I'm also viewing it as my personal Independence Day celebration. Because for the first time in as long as I can remember, I'm happy... I have peace and quiet in my life, I'm not living anywhere with a partner who wants to fuss and fight, I'm not having to walk on eggshells around someone, I don't have to put up with things that are disrespectful or hurtful to myself and my children. I am so thankful for my freedom, not just in my country, but for my personal freedom. I am thankful to live...

I recently lost a friendship of four years. It wasn't over a minor issues. It was, perhaps, unavoidable. We both had differing ideas on what constituted "judging" and gentle, loving, honesty. She thought I was judging her for situations in her life, but was passing the same judgments she accused me of, onto my own life. I tried to be gentle and honest - without judgment of her or her choices - however, at the end of the day, we simply couldn't agree to disagree and move forward. The thing is, this friendship started four and a half years ago during an extremely traumatic and stressful time in my life and hers both, which left us with a friendship, but also left us with a "trauma bond." Although neither of our situations at the time were related, we'd bonded over the similarities. Sometimes, friendships formed in this way will last a lifetime. However, in many cases, they will simply end over time, once the time of crisis is over with. When you bond ...

Life is hard. Even when things are going pretty good, there will be occasional struggles or obstacles in your way. This is especially true if you've already dealt with any type of hardship in your life. If you're like me, and you've gone through multiple struggles in your life - mental, emotional, abusive relationships, poverty, homelessness, physical, etc - then dealing with basic, everyday life can sometimes feel like a struggle. This is why it's important to have a solid support system in place - whether you have good family and friends, a counselor and/or support group, online support groups, etc - everyone needs a support system. We all need people in our lives, even those of us who might claim to be "anti-social" or those who have "social anxiety." But what we don't need in our lives is toxic people and situations. If you have someone in your life who is toxic, if they bring more drama than you care to deal with, if they mentally or em...

Almost two months ago, I hit the reset button on my life. I left the town I'd been living in for almost three years, quit a job I'd been at for a year and moved two hours away to a town where I'd always wanted to live, but never quite got around to it. I'm staying in a travel trailer and living in a peaceful and quiet place... I call it my "Gypsy Trailer." In the last two months, I've been doing a lot of self-work and trauma-healing. It's been very difficult emotionally and mentally, but the rewards have been many. I have discovered that I am a lot stronger than I thought I was, I'm getting my focus back and I'm not starting out each day with a massive amount of dread or anxiety. Sure, my sleep schedule seems to have literally reversed itself and so I have my days and nights mixed up. BUT, I'm still making progress and with the two youngest kids not being in school (they are 2 and 3), our schedule isn't a massive issue right now. W...

We've all heard the stories of unrequited love... boy meets girl, girl meets boy... one of them falls in love with the other, but the other doesn't reciprocate. The end result in these stories is that the party who falls in love ends up having a broken heart "forever." There are many memes and quotes out there that portray unrequited love as a noble thing, as something that is perfectly normal and healthy. Nothing could be further from the truth. In many cases, there are situations where one person loves another person deeply and truly and the other person doesn't love them back in the same way that they love the other person. This is considered "unrequited love." And this is also the danger of "unrequited love." Loving another person who doesn't love you back in the same way, or even at all, is not a problem in and of itself. It's whenever you place the hope and expectation that the other person will love you in return in the sa...

Love is hard. Loving people is harder. We all have a very normal human desire to both love and be loved. The word love is not a noun, it's a verb. This is where many people get so twisted up when dealing with their love for others. Our society tends to consider love a "thing," when it is an *ACTION.*  We often talk of "loving" things - ice cream, pizza, places, etc. That's not love, that is an intense LIKE of something. Love means we are going to do whatever we can possibly do to ensure another person's happiness or well-being. It is both an action and an emotion. When we love someone, we (hopefully) truly want what is best for them - we want them to be happy, safe, successful, etc. Many times, however, people are quick to use "love" for others as a way to receive love in their own lives. The word love is spoken in an attempt to get the other person to reciprocate. This isn't love. True love doesn't require that the other person ...

I just thought I'd write a quick "Public Service Announcement" for those of you out there who might be struggling to find real, lasting happiness. You won't find true, lasting happiness if you seek to make another human being responsible for your happiness. While those closest to us can contribute to our happiness - lovers, friends, family, children, etc... our happiness lies within ourselves. Yes, you are the only one who can make yourself happy, and sometimes you have to choose to make yourself happy. Many people make the mistake in thinking that their happiness lies in external factors - the ideal partner, the "perfect" job, more money in the bank, their dream home, less debt, etc. The list could go on. While accomplishments and achievements can contribute to your happiness, none of these things will matter if you are unhappy with yourself deep inside. You cannot secretly loathe yourself or feel unworthy and then expect to be happy because of material ...

    Hello Everyone!     My second book will be published by the end of July. I apologize for absolutely no word or updates concerning my books in the last few years... My life has been a complete roller coaster! Please consider following me on Twitter or Instagram to keep updated, as well. Twitter: @juliemichael82 Instagram: persephone2182 Now, on to more important issues.... about my second book! My second book is nonfiction,  partial memoir, or, autobiography, and also a semi-guide or resource book about childhood abuse and domestic violence, as well as escaping from the cycle of abuse and trauma. It is called "Fighting Fists of Fire: An Escape from Domestic Violence." It starts from the beginning, my childhood and continues to where I am in my present life - finally healing and ensuring that the cycle of Domestic Violence and trauma stops with me. When I have a firmer date for publication, I will let you all know! I look forward to sharin...

After a very long time of not being able to even properly write a grocery list, let alone a journal entry or a blog post... I'm finally writing again. It's been so long since I haven't felt "blocked" from my ability to write even felt any motivation to write, that I almost forgot how satisfying it is to put my thoughts or feelings into writing. It hit the point recently, where I simply couldn't find the words to express what I was feeling... So I decided to draw whatever came to mind. Those drawings were terrible from a quality or ability level... And they had really dark undertones (due to depression, anxiety, PTSD and years of trauma and insecurity), but the point is... I was able to express my thoughts and feelings. That was last night. Today, I posted a post on each of my blogs and then proceeded to start working on my second book manuscript again - which had been sitting untouched for over 4 years. I finally am at peace about a lot of things in my l...

Okay, Everyone... Parenting is, hands down, the hardest job you'll ever have in your life. Every individual who has raised a child knows this. From birth and through your child's adulthood, parenting is hard. Children don't come with instruction manuals. Heaven knows, if that were the case, then the journey of parenthood would be so much easier. That's just not the way parenting works, however. I remember be a young, teenage mother-to-be... Very determined to try to raise my children right and determined to prove everyone wrong. To prove, in fact, that teenage mothers can still be good mothers. I devoured parenting book after parenting book. I was determined to not make all the same mistakes my own parents had. To, in fact, be a superior parent than they had been. Then my oldest child was born. And when my oldest child was about 6 months old, I proceeded to throw out each and every one of those parenting books. Why? Not because I had learned to be a perfect parent (H...

I no longer have time or patience for negativity or interference from people who judge or want drama. If I am describing you, then kindly lose my contact information and that of ANY of my children and remove yourself from my life and theirs. My life is my own, as are my children's lives. No one in my immediate family (my children and I) need judgements, negativity or drama in any shape or form. I'm taking back control of myself and my own life. If you're still here when I'm done, that's great. If not, I wish you the best. #nomorenegativity #life #newbeginnings #igotthis #mommy #9kids #momlife #nomoredrama #positivity #movingforward #goals

So recently I made a pretty drastic (for me) change. I moved 2 hours from where I was living and moved into a 5th wheel camper. There were multiple reasons for doing so... But I'll get into those at another time. But for now... I'm adjusting to living in a smaller space with my littles and my teenage daughter. We had too much "stuff" anyway, so now is as good a time as any to learn to declutter. I'm currently waiting to start a job. My 3 year old had surgery a week and a half ago to get his tonsils and adenoids taken out. His post-op appointment is at the 2 week mark, so then I can focus on going back to work. Money is tight, stress is a little high... But for the first time in my life, I'm finding peace and don't feel a sense of dread about what the future holds. I've taken to calling the camper my "tiny house" or "gypsy trailer." I'm viewing this as an adventure.. Not yet another restart. It's actually both, but I'...