Long-neglected Blog, Long-neglected Me?

I have had a really difficult time over the past year; mentally, physically, emotionally, financially. It’s been a rollercoaster of seemingly limitless insanity and a bunch of bright moments scattered within a dark forest full of danger. Perhaps I exaggerate, perhaps not. 

I had two surgeries within a year - one, seemingly minor, simply getting four broken teeth removed (except it affected a lot more than those four broken teeth and further impacted my ability to eat properly) and then my hysterectomy almost six months ago. A physically and mentally difficult ordeal, I got infections in my incisions, I had so much pain it was unreal and I found myself struggling to do anything physically, found myself completely exhausted with minimal stamina for much of anything. 

I didn’t take the seriousness of my hysterectomy into consideration. I chose to remain blissfully unaware of the physical repercussions of having a major surgery where a part of one’s body is removed. And from an area of one’s body that is connected to physical strength in pretty much every other area of the body. 

It was a shock to me whenever my body didn’t “bounce back” as quickly as I wanted or expected it to, I didn’t seem to consider that I had never actually been through anything like that. I lost my mind, or whatever I had left of it - pushing myself to try harder, to do more, to try even harder. I found myself hurt and/or sick multiple times because I would push and push at myself and then stress myself out. I placed unrealistic expectations on myself and then pushed myself hard to attempt to live up to those expectations, before I finally realized that I don’t have to push myself so hard or push so fast. I can still take the time to take care of myself as I keep making progress, but that progress doesn’t have to happen overnight. 

As long as I am trying and making progress, it’s okay to slow down once in awhile and it’s okay to take care of myself. I can’t get to the destination if I burn out along the way, and the journey is part of the destination.

It’s okay to be tired. It’s okay to say “not today” or “I’m not doing this right now.” I have given myself permission to rest and take care of me. As a result, I’m no longer stressed out all the time, I am feeling better physically, my emotions aren’t all over the place.. I’m doing okay now. 

Equally important - don’t overthink it, sometimes there doesn’t have to be a reason or a why. Sometimes things are just the way they are and you must do what you need to do, which is to take care of you too. 

Here are the things that people won’t remind you to do; 

Stop and breath. 

Make sure to get sleep.

Eat properly. 

Take time to process things as needed.

Don’t be afraid to say “I don’t know.” 

You don’t have to agree to anything you do not want to.

Don’t place unreasonable expectations on yourself or allow anyone else to.

Healing happens at all levels and stages, don’t minimize your progress. 

Take care of yourself before you take care of everyone else. 

Self-care isn’t selfish, it’s a necessity.

When a Friendship Implodes

I recently lost a friendship of four years. It wasn't over a minor issues. It was, perhaps, unavoidable. We both had differing ideas on what constituted "judging" and gentle, loving, honesty. She thought I was judging her for situations in her life, but was passing the same judgments she accused me of, onto my own life. I tried to be gentle and honest - without judgment of her or her choices - however, at the end of the day, we simply couldn't agree to disagree and move forward.

The thing is, this friendship started four and a half years ago during an extremely traumatic and stressful time in my life and hers both, which left us with a friendship, but also left us with a "trauma bond." Although neither of our situations at the time were related, we'd bonded over the similarities. Sometimes, friendships formed in this way will last a lifetime. However, in many cases, they will simply end over time, once the time of crisis is over with.

When you bond over something in your life that is awful, once one party - or even both - begin to heal and move past the trauma and stress of the situation, it becomes difficult to maintain that relationship if the sole glue holding the relationship together is the stress and turmoil of the situation you are in. In effect, these friendships will typically just "fizzle out" over time. In this instance, the friendship "imploded."

While I am proud of the fact that I did not resort to name-calling or personal insults, I did not raise my voice or say anything intentionally hurtful, I am hurt by the fact that she resorted to such tactics as she got extremely volatile when I set boundaries in place to protect myself and my mental and emotional health from a situation that she had going on.

I feel many things about this friendship ending - loss, sadness, frustration, perhaps a bit of anger, regret... and mainly, relief. I saw this coming a long time ago, although I don't think she did. I saw it coming, couldn't prevent it, but still kept trying to maintain a friendship that had itself become toxic for me. As our friendship imploded, I felt the tears roll down my face.

I love her and I will miss her. But I welcome peace and healing.

Removing Toxic People From Your Life

Life is hard. Even when things are going pretty good, there will be occasional struggles or obstacles in your way. This is especially true if you've already dealt with any type of hardship in your life. If you're like me, and you've gone through multiple struggles in your life - mental, emotional, abusive relationships, poverty, homelessness, physical, etc - then dealing with basic, everyday life can sometimes feel like a struggle.

This is why it's important to have a solid support system in place - whether you have good family and friends, a counselor and/or support group, online support groups, etc - everyone needs a support system. We all need people in our lives, even those of us who might claim to be "anti-social" or those who have "social anxiety." But what we don't need in our lives is toxic people and situations.

If you have someone in your life who is toxic, if they bring more drama than you care to deal with, if they mentally or emotionally drain you.. it's time to remove them from your life. Toxic people have no positive purpose in our lives and they have no place in our lives. We cannot grow and thrive if we are surrounded by toxic people or situations.

Beware the person who is "just being honest" and proceeds to tell you things that hurt you, your emotional and mental well-being... honesty is not an excuse for rudeness and true honesty is never cruel or hurtful. Beware those who will say they want what is best for you, but then will encourage situations or habits that will harm you. Don't allow someone to cause you to doubt yourself or question your abilities to make your own choices or reach your goals.

There are many out there who will claim to love and care about you - whether a family member, a friend, a romantic partner, etc... those who truly care about you will actually want what is best for you, without attempting to control you, tell you what to do, manipulate you, bring further stress and chaos to your life or treat you disrespectfully.

When it comes to removing toxic people from your life...  many times, you can do this without any type of confrontation. Simply cease all contact and avoid them - you'd be surprised how many people will simply let things go without a fight. In other cases, a very calm and direct "I'm ceasing contact because this situation/relationship is toxic for me" is given to the other person, then simply do not respond or make contact again.

Remember, you owe no one an explanation. And even if you explain yourself to someone who is toxic a million times, there are going to be those who will never accept or acknowledge your explanation as truth. There are even going to be those who argue with you and may fight to try to stay in your life. Don't allow them to.

It may require a court order or contacting the police and notifying them of the toxic individual's harassment and continued contact after you've asked them not to contact them again. You may be able to get away with simply blocking the individual and never hear from them again. If someone is being toxic in your life and you want to remove them - do so by whatever means necessary, you do not have to allow them to steal another moment of your peace and happiness.

We all have the right to have supportive, nonjudgmental people in our lives, we have the right to make decisions for ourselves without someone attempting to manipulate or control us. No one needs an energy or emotional vampire sucking them dry. Drop the toxic people and situations and watch your life become full of light and love again.

Make sure your circle is full of people who truly love and support you and want what is best for you. Say NO to negativity and toxicity, and don't look back. We all should live our lives as if they're too short-  because they are - and life is too short to live with toxic people and situations.

Moving On Now

I no longer have time or patience for negativity or interference from people who judge or want drama. If I am describing you, then kindly lose my contact information and that of ANY of my children and remove yourself from my life and theirs.

My life is my own, as are my children's lives. No one in my immediate family (my children and I) need judgements, negativity or drama in any shape or form.

I'm taking back control of myself and my own life. If you're still here when I'm done, that's great. If not, I wish you the best.

#nomorenegativity #life #newbeginnings #igotthis #mommy #9kids #momlife #nomoredrama #positivity #movingforward #goals

Watch For My Second Book... Coming Soon!

I have been a horrible blogger lately. I know I have. I think that sometimes, we let life get in the way of living life or of doing those things that we enjoy. I'm also horribly behind on my second book right now. I have been slowly working on it here and there, but just now finally getting truly motivated to get it finished. My second book is called "Finding Your Place in Life," I am hoping to have it completed by the end of the first week of March. 

It's been a long time coming, considering I started working on both of my book manuscripts a long time ago. But, I wanted to make sure that I said what I wanted to say and that I expressed myself appropriately. It takes a lot of time and effort to write, especially when one has to go back and edit and re-edit or delete entire paragraphs, just to get one point across the right way. I'm not so certain that I've managed to do this correctly, but, I'm a work in progress, and so is my writing.

Suicide Threats

If you or someone you know is suffering from depression, it's important to take the time to get help - for yourself, your loved one(s), whomever. Depression is a very serious issue and can be not just mentally debilitating, but also physically debilitating. Depression doesn't just affect the person suffering - it affects the others around them, affects relationships, jobs, finances, etc.

AND, here's another important issue when it comes to depression. If the person suffering from depression is considering suicide, seems suicidal or has made suicidal threats, it's VERY important to seek help immediately. Even when you may feel like the person is just attention-seeking or isn't serious about it, it's important to take the threat of suicide very seriously. A person who is suicidal or who is making threats of suicide isn't merely making threats, they are expressing, at a minimum, a desire to self-harm.

Suicide is not the way out, it's not the cure for depression. If you know someone who is depressed and they seem suicidal, talk of death or suicide or they have threatened suicide, TAKE IT SERIOUSLY. A person who threatens suicide - even if they aren't serious about it and are attention-seeking - is crying out for help. Please make it a point to try to get them professional help immediately. If you are depressed and/or feeling suicidal, then seek help for yourself.

Suicide is a life or death matter. Literally. And it's not a joke. If you need help, please call call 1-800-273-8255  (National Suicide Prevention Lifeline)

Shamelessly Promoting My Book!

Okay Everyone, here I am, SHAMELESSLY promoting my book! I'm nervous as heck to have anyone buy it or read it, but I also want the feedback. If you'd like to purchase my book, you can find it Amazon  http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00MSA51L8#

Please, if you buy my book and read it, please make sure to leave me a review or email me some type of feedback!

My Book is Finished and Published!

I have finally finished my first book, The Truth About Life: Life Lessons from Rock-Bottom. I'm quite pleased with myself. It has taken me such a long time to finish it and get around to completing the editing of it. But, once I got down to business and began working on it seriously, it didn't take me nearly as long as I expected it to.

Even if it turns out to be a "flop," at least I can add it to my list of things I've accomplished. So, I'm happy about that. I am still trying to figure out KDP Select and trying to figure out a way to offer the book for free for a few days, but I am struggling with figuring that out. But, just as soon as I figure it out and get it done, I'll be sure to let you all know!

If you're interested in my book, you can find it on Amazon:
The Truth About Life: Life Lessons From Rock Bottom
http://t.co/u7vssSyT4z

And please, if you do read it, please leave me a review or some type of feedback. I want to get better with my writing and I want my writing to be something that is appealing to people, I have a lot to say and just need to know how to say it!

Have a wonderful rest of Saturday everyone!

One Week

Well, I'm finally reaching the end of my journey with my first book, "The Truth About Life: Life Lessons from Rock Bottom." It's taken a very long time, several years, in fact, to reach this point. But I'm getting closer to getting finished with my final editing. I'm editing it myself, so I'm sure it won't be perfect, but I do feel like it's a good start, so maybe my next book will be even better.

I have some editing to finish and then I need to finish my conclusion and the final section about myself. I'm not really absolutely certain on this, but I'm thinking I should have it all finished within a week or less. I'm seeing the end in sight and I'm starting to get excited, although I'm definitely very nervous! This book has been a labor of love, a large time investment (as I could find it!) and I am nervous about throwing it out there for others to see and read!

I suppose that most authors feel that way about their books. I guess it's kind of like trying to share a peculiar idea or theory with a group of people and knowing that they may laugh at your idea or think your idea to be crazy. I guess that is one blessing of self-publishing through Amazon, because I can always go back and update it or modify it, if I should feel the need to do so.

While I'm certain that the book is something that will be useful to SOMEONE out there, I'm just not so certain about the number of people who will find it useful or worth reading. I am considering this to be very much like the dream one has about standing in front of a room full of people, only to find themselves naked. Writing a blog is one thing. But a book seems even more personal to me. And I really do feel as though there's a part of one that actually is laid bare before others when they write something.

So, I think it should be done in a week. And here's to hoping I won't wake up and find myself naked and being laughed at in front of a large group of people!

Intentional Living and Tiny Houses

I'm feeling a bit out of sorts lately, so I haven't spent much time writing at all. First, I've been, quite literally, sick and tired. Between a massive headache that never quite seems to go away, and a fever and chills that keeps coming back, I have just felt awful.

All that aside. I still have to work, so when I wasn't running a fever, I was still trying to work. Yup. Didn't work as well as I had hoped. Im still behind on work, totally lost focus on my writing and I'm still not feeling well. Yuck.

But enough of my complaining... I've been pondering a few things for awhile now and I'm not exactly sure where they tie in to any of my goals or hopes, dreams or even my basic ideals. We all know that I am one to discuss positivity, optimism and making a positive mark on the world.

 But what about intentional living? That is, living with positive intent and purpose. Are we each doing so? Somehow, I doubt that we are. In a world filled with a focus on money, acquiring wealth and material things, we lose sight of what is important and that which we really desire. Which brings me to the other subject in my title - tiny houses - what would that be like? To have the space you NEED to live and shelter yourself and your family, with no waste of space or possessions?

Iam doing research on tiny houses and alternate forms of housing. I don't know why, but I feel like this is something I'd like to know more about, even if I don't ever so something like that. That, and homesteading... I'm curious about how simply life could be lived, and inexpensively, while still maintaining a good quality of life without all of the trappings of material things that society seems to expect of us. I'll keep you posted... This looks to be the start of an interesting journey...

Compassionate Care at The End of Life

I work in the healthcare field. Although I am not a nurse or even a nurse's aid, I deal with patients on a daily basis. All of my patients are elderly. In my job, we call these patients "clients." The thing about it is, I'm not sure that is an entirely accurate term. I can understand from a business or financial point of view that the patients are, in all actuality, clients.

But, I feel like using the term "client" is a way of dehumanizing the patient and also a way to distance the healthcare workers from the people they care for. I can't help but feeling that this is wrong. The end of one's life should be a time where one is celebrating their life and accomplishments, they have lived and learned, earned the respect of others and they should GET that consideration and respect.

Caring for an elderly person can be more difficult that dealing with a child. It isn't that the elderly person is child-like or "immature" it's that we often forget that the elderly are adults and that they have earned the right to respect. Often, caregivers become impatient with those they are caring for, they suffer from stress and burnout themselves, and so they end up becoming indifferent to those that they care for. This is so wrong.

The elderly deserve respect, consideration and compassionate care. It can be difficult for those caring for them to remember that these are people who have lived long lives, have worked for what they have and that many times, the person they are caring for gets just as frustrated with themselves as the caregiver gets with them.

Imagine living your life independently and then slowly or even suddenly, becoming unable to do basic things for yourself. It can be difficult to remember that the elderly have gone from being perfectly capable of caring for themselves and even others, to having to rely on others for basic needs. It can become all too easy to forget that the person we are caring for is just as frustrated as we get, that this person can become confused and that they are often struggling with depression.

It's important to care for the elderly, especially when they are seriously ill or suffering from a debilitating condition such as Alzheimer's or dementia, with as much compassion, empathy and respect as possible. I know that care-giving can be difficult and stressful, perhaps even depressing, but it's important to remember that you play an important role in this person's life and that they are relying on you - whether they want to or not.

Elder care can be demanding and stressful. And while it may be tempting to distance yourself or attempt to remain indifferent to your patient, I really feel like it is important to connect on a human and emotional level with the person(s) you are caring for. If you distance yourself from your patients, it can be difficult to meet their needs. Just make sure to also care for yourself while caring for your patients. But don't attempt to keep your distance.

You are meeting far more than physical needs - many elderly people are lonely, scared, depressed, etc - a compassionate caregiver who has connected can make a world of difference in the quality of life for an individual who is at the end of their life.

I currently care for two lovely elderly women. One is suffering from Alzheimer's disease and dementia and the other is suffering from congestive heart failure. Both of these women are very special and very dear to me. I know at some point, I will lose them. And I will mourn that loss. But I also know that I am a better person for having met them and being a part of their lives, I have learned so much from both of them. They are not only my patients, but my friends.