On Life and Words

After a very long time of not being able to even properly write a grocery list, let alone a journal entry or a blog post... I'm finally writing again. It's been so long since I haven't felt "blocked" from my ability to write even felt any motivation to write, that I almost forgot how satisfying it is to put my thoughts or feelings into writing. It hit the point recently, where I simply couldn't find the words to express what I was feeling... So I decided to draw whatever came to mind. Those drawings were terrible from a quality or ability level... And they had really dark undertones (due to depression, anxiety, PTSD and years of trauma and insecurity), but the point is... I was able to express my thoughts and feelings. That was last night. Today, I posted a post on each of my blogs and then proceeded to start working on my second book manuscript again - which had been sitting untouched for over 4 years. I finally am at peace about a lot of things in my l...

When I was a little girl, I believed in fairy tales and happily ever after. I suppose, most of the time, that little girls are taught from a young age to believe in their knight in shining armor on a white horse coming to sweep them off their feet and then live happily ever after. After all, isn't that the stereotypical fairy tale?  The problem lies in the fact that fairy tales, at least the Disney version, don't really exist.  So, women grow to become disillusioned, while still searching for their happily ever after.... often in the form of their knight in shining armor. But what happens when they don't show up? For years, I believed in the fairy tale ending and kept thinking that if I were just with the right man, it would become easy, that I'd find my happily ever after... and my knight would come rescue me.  After 3 failed marriages and a couple of dating relationships gone badly, I'm now a single mom with a lot of stress and a lot of happiness in my life. Don...

I have been a horrible blogger lately. I know I have. I think that sometimes, we let life get in the way of living life or of doing those things that we enjoy. I'm also horribly behind on my second book right now. I have been slowly working on it here and there, but just now finally getting truly motivated to get it finished. My second book is called "Finding Your Place in Life," I am hoping to have it completed by the end of the first week of March.  It's been a long time coming, considering I started working on both of my book manuscripts a long time ago. But, I wanted to make sure that I said what I wanted to say and that I expressed myself appropriately. It takes a lot of time and effort to write, especially when one has to go back and edit and re-edit or delete entire paragraphs, just to get one point across the right way. I'm not so certain that I've managed to do this correctly, but, I'm a work in progress, and so is my writing.

You know, it always amazes me when others deem their lives to be much more important than the lives of others. I'm not talking about literal lives, as in living and breathing,  the functioning of a human being. Not at all.  I'm talking about the daily act of living  .. one's hopes, dreams,  goals, doing that which you love or want.  I'm talking a LIVING.  But what astounds me the most, is the fact that so many people are preoccupied with their daily routines and their own wants and desires... which makes it difficult for us to actually SEE others and the struggles they go through. Sure.. I have problems.  Everyone does. But that doesn't mean that anything going on in my life is more important than what is happening with someone else. The truth is... we all struggle along and we all have demons to fight.  Such is being human. Instead of solely focusing on ourselves and our problems... perhaps it's time to focus on others and what they need to be...

     Here's what I've learned about life and relationships. Whether it's a significant other, parents, friends, kids, etc... relationships are unpredictable. You never know for sure what's going to happen, no matter how committed you might be to a person or that relationship. The truth is, you cannot control anything or anyone else... you're wasting your time trying. I don't think the solution to this is to avoid loving to avoid being hurt... I think that all we can do in this life is to love the best we can, even when it results in us being hurt. Through pain comes personal growth... even if it's at the temporary cost of our sanity and our heart. We almost always heal from heartache.      If you close your mind, heart and spirit to love and the experiences that come with it... you'll never be able to love fully, openly and honestly. But, it scares us to be that vulnerable to another person. Yep. We would rather judge another or express our disappoint...

As 2015 gets off to a start, it's already shaping up to be a rocky few months... here's my thought process right now. Men, if you don't want kids or to be a father, wrap up your "toy." You don't earn man points or respect simply because you can impregnate someone or have multiple kids by different women. A real MAN will help support his children financially and will be involved in his children's lives. I never wanted to be a single parent. It's really difficult to try to b e in the role of both mom AND dad. But, I do my best. At the end of the day, my kids will respect that and appreciate it. I will teach my daughters to be self sufficient and to depend on only themselves, don't expect or trust a man to do it for you. I will teach ALL of my children the importance of financial and relationship stability before having children. And I will teach my sons to be decent men, to know the importance of truth and monogamy... and for pete's sake, n...

If you or someone you know is suffering from depression, it's important to take the time to get help - for yourself, your loved one(s), whomever. Depression is a very serious issue and can be not just mentally debilitating, but also physically debilitating. Depression doesn't just affect the person suffering - it affects the others around them, affects relationships, jobs, finances, etc. AND, here's another important issue when it comes to depression. If the person suffering from depression is considering suicide, seems suicidal or has made suicidal threats, it's VERY important to seek help immediately. Even when you may feel like the person is just attention-seeking or isn't serious about it, it's important to take the threat of suicide very seriously. A person who is suicidal or who is making threats of suicide isn't merely making threats, they are expressing, at a minimum, a desire to self-harm. Suicide is not the way out, it's not the cure for d...

I have finally finished my first book, The Truth About Life: Life Lessons from Rock-Bottom. I'm quite pleased with myself. It has taken me such a long time to finish it and get around to completing the editing of it. But, once I got down to business and began working on it seriously, it didn't take me nearly as long as I expected it to. Even if it turns out to be a "flop," at least I can add it to my list of things I've accomplished. So, I'm happy about that. I am still trying to figure out KDP Select and trying to figure out a way to offer the book for free for a few days, but I am struggling with figuring that out. But, just as soon as I figure it out and get it done, I'll be sure to let you all know! If you're interested in my book, you can find it on Amazon: The Truth About Life: Life Lessons From Rock Bottom http://t.co/u7vssSyT4z And please, if you do read it, please leave me a review or some type of feedback. I want to get better with my...

I work in the healthcare field. Although I am not a nurse or even a nurse's aid, I deal with patients on a daily basis. All of my patients are elderly. In my job, we call these patients "clients." The thing about it is, I'm not sure that is an entirely accurate term. I can understand from a business or financial point of view that the patients are, in all actuality, clients. But, I feel like using the term "client" is a way of dehumanizing the patient and also a way to distance the healthcare workers from the people they care for. I can't help but feeling that this is wrong. The end of one's life should be a time where one is celebrating their life and accomplishments, they have lived and learned, earned the respect of others and they should GET that consideration and respect. Caring for an elderly person can be more difficult that dealing with a child. It isn't that the elderly person is child-like or "immature" it's that we o...

I hope each and every one of you had a good night's rest and that you are ready to face the day with positivity and energy. I am sort of dragging along today, but that's primarily because I stayed up too late writing last night. I need to keep a better handle on my schedule and try a bit harder to maintain a better routine for myself, so I can be a more effective mother, partner and employee. Not to mention, all the other roles I play in my life. I'm in a weird place right now mentally and emotionally. Not a bad place, just weird. Feeling like everything is a bit surreal right now. I'll explain later. Just thought I'd take a break from work for a second.

Life is crazy. Sometimes you have a roadblock pop up and you don't know what to do about it, even if only temporarily. Amazingly enough, no matter what that obstacle might be, sometimes if you just wait a moment, you'll find the answer and you'll feel as though you should have seen the answer all along. Sometimes you just have to be patient. I still believe that everything happens for a reason, even if we don't realize that reason at first. Also, exes are almost always exes for a reason.

I'm kind of in a weird place right now. I meant to go to bed two hours ago. I have to work in the morning and I have a million things to get done tomorrow. I've lost focus of myself and my life path according to my most recent plan. I really hate when that happens. I hate being lost and hate feeling out of sorts. I hate feeling so out of control of myself and my own life. I have a house full of kids. I am the primary parent and responsible person for four of them. This is an awesome and staggering responsibility. I'm not sure where I'm going with this. Other than, this much I do know. I am trying to be the parent and mother that ALL of my children need, I feel like I'm failing miserably. I feel like, while trying to be the mother I am supposed to be, I am failing them and also not being true to myself and what I need. How do women balance that which they want and need with what they must do? I never pictured myself as a single mother - not in a million years. B...

Life is hard. No doubt about it. Sometimes it can seem very overwhelming. Even to those of us who have "been there, done that" in negative situations or when dealing with negativity in relationships. No single person has their life perfectly together. Even if that's what they want you to think and they try to portray - the fact is, no one is perfect - we all have skeletons in our closets and we all have problems to deal with. Don't look at someone else and what you perceive of their life and assume they have it all together or they have no problems. I assure you, everyone is great at putting on a front, but most people can't allow themselves to be vulnerable and real in front of others, so you don't see what's behind that "front." It all comes down to living life and coping as we go. I have had a really rough week or so, emotionally. I was starting to think that I was either slowly losing my mind or that my mind was already gone - it was jus...

Yep. I've decided that confusion is an inevitable part of life. Especially when it comes to interpersonal relationships and choosing your own personal path in life. What does one do whenever they are faced with numerous choices and potential paths and each outcome would be drastically different than another? Usually, I recommend that you sit down and write lists of pros and cons for each potential choice you could make. However, sometimes this simply isn't enough. Especially when deep emotions are involved - the kind of emotions that one can't get over or get around, the kind of emotions that you can't push to the back while you make a decision. So what does one do whenever they are faced with this kind of choice? Honestly, I have no idea whatsoever. If you're facing two different choices and both carry such strong emotions that you can't make a decision, what's the deciding factor? I don't know that either. When you feel like you're stuck in mu...

We are all meant to be somebody. Perhaps not known throughout the world or famous. Perhaps not known for doing great acts, perhaps we are to be known for our small actions that make a difference. Perhaps we are meant to be the one who stands in the background and supports others. Maybe we're meant to change the world. Each and every one of us has a purpose and a reason for being, a person we are meant to be. Are you who you are meant to be? How will you know when you are? Do you know who you are meant to be - or are you still trying to figure it out? How do we figure it out and take the path that we are meant to take? No. I don't have the answers. I don't believe that anyone has any of the answers - we all have to figure these things out for ourselves, in the time we are meant to. Gauge your actions, reactions, your thoughts and emotions - figure out if you are or are becoming, the person you are meant to be. The only way you can find out is if you act and react and pa...

Today is The 4th of July, America's Independence Day. I hope that each and every one of you is having a safe and happy Fourth of July, while you're busy celebrating American freedom. While you're going about your celebrations and cookouts, watching fireworks and spending time with friends and family... Give a thought to those who gave their lives for our freedom, give a thankyou to those who have served or are still serving . Freedom isn't free. It can come at a heavy price. Never take it for granted. Have a safe and happy 4th of July and remember not to drink and drive.

Divorce is extremely difficult, even without children. But if you have kids, it's even more difficult. Many divorced parents don't realize how much their fighting or discord actually affects their child(ren.) It can be difficult to be neutral or diplomatic during or after a divorce, but if you have children with your ex-spouse, it's of utmost importance that you set aside differences, anger and fighting and learn to at least be civil with your ex.  If there are unresolved issues in your former relationship or if you and your ex-spouse have a history of dysfunction, it can be extremely difficult to come together and be successful at co-parenting your child(ren.) In cases like this, it can come down to a simple matter of, one of you needs to let things go and be the bigger person. Even if you feel like you might want to lash out at the other parent or want to talk negatively about the other parent to your child(ren,) it's extremely important for the well-being of ever...

Life is funny. One minute you're on the straight and narrow path and you've got a plan, the next you've come upon a giant tree in the road and one side of the road has a cliff on it and the other is water. So what do you do then? Jump off in the water and hope you can swim? Do you dive off the cliff and hope you magically learn how to fly? Or do you try to find a way to go over that tree in the road? What if I told you that, sometimes, it's a combination of the three? Sometimes you have to swim, sometimes you have to fly... other times you have to figure out a way over or through your obstacles. Life is full of changes. Indeed, in a single moment, things can change in the blink of an eye and it can seem that all of your well-made plans evaporate right before your eyes. It's really easy to get discouraged and frustrated when things happen to mess up your plans, especially when it seems like you'll never get out from underneath the current crisis or stress. I...

Are we true to ourselves, our hopes, our dreams? Do we live within our proclaimed values and morals? Do we feel like we can be our true selves or do we feel the need to wear a mask or to be someone we are not? A life lived in disguise, lived based on what others think we should do, is a life wasted. I wish someone had told me that years ago, instead of learning it the hard way. For too many years, I lived within the ideals of what I believed was best, simply because it was what everyone expected of me. I attempted to hide my true self and attempted to avoid confrontation or doing anything to "rock the boat" in attempts to make others happy. I found myself hiding my true thoughts, feelings, beliefs and ideas. I wore a mask that I never took off, even with those who were supposed to be closest to me. That's absolutely no way to live. I found that in trying to please others, I pleased no one and I made myself absolutely miserable. It's like I kept waiting for pe...

Wow, this has been a crazy few years. Starting in 2010, when my marriage began to crumble right after my youngest child was born, then meeting my new love, whom I've now been with for 3 years, to starting college and now being a year away from graduating with my Associate's degree in Psychology, it's been a rough ride. Finally, last year, the May 20th tornado of Moore, Oklahoma took out our life as we knew it. Then, a month ago, my boyfriend had a massive heart attack. I had an epiphany this morning. Even when life is at it's lowest point and even when you seemingly can't go anywhere, the only option becomes to move forward and go up from there. So, even though I've been down for the last few years, it's all UP from here. Our life path is our choice, we CHOOSE the direction we move in. Starting today, I'm choosing to go forward and up. While I haven't been writing much the last several months (obviously, I've been horrible at keeping a blog!...