On Life and Words

Okay. So. For the many of you out there who think that giving families boxed and canned food of the government's choosing to replace food stamp benefits is a great and wonderful idea - let's be completely realistic. IT WON'T WORK. PERIOD.  Why? Because the problem isn't providing people with inexpensive food to fill a need. That's an excuse the elite are using to justify further punishing those who dare to be lower class and lower income than themselves. Implementing a program to distribute food to food stamp recipients and cut funding is absolutely asinine and completely just not going to work. It's just another example of how off kilter our society is... it's another war between the haves and have nots. The cost of implementing a program like this would probably cost double to triple what current benefits are being distributed. It will be inconvenient. They'll have to implement measures to prevent fraud, open new agencies or departments to impleme...

We live in a society that seems to be largely focused on monetary wealth and material things. Too often, we focus so much on earning money and trying to get "ahead" that we don't realize that we're spending our time on making and spending money, rather than spending that time doing things we actually enjoy or with our loved ones. If you have to ask yourself if you are too focused on acquiring wealth and material things, chances are, you are. Instead of worrying about what you don't have or trying so hard to acquire that which you do not have, try being thankful for what you do have and asking yourself if that which you are striving for is really something you NEED. Can you make do with less? Can you make do without that which you are working so hard to acquire? There are a few basic necessities in life - food, clothing, shelter, transportation... These do not have to be elaborate, name-brand or "fancy. " We only need that which sustains us and allows ...

I don't know if you have ever noticed this or not, but drunk people are supremely obnoxious. Especially if you're sober. I worked in bars off and on for over ten years. One thing I learned was that if you're the sober person and you are dealing with drunks, ANYTHING can happen or anything can be said. It's ridiculous sometimes, just how unreasonable drunk people can get. While I'm not going to sit here and pretend to be a saint or try to pretend like I've never been drunk in my life, I don't think that you should drink to excess and then use being drunk as an excuse to be obnoxious or mean to people.What it is about alcohol that makes some people just seem to lose their marbles and act stupid? I also don't understand why drunk people are more likely to want to fight than sober people. I don't know if any of you have noticed this, but when people are drunk, it almost seems as though a hidden part of their normal, basic personality comes out and i...

Life is hard. No doubt about it. Sometimes it can seem very overwhelming. Even to those of us who have "been there, done that" in negative situations or when dealing with negativity in relationships. No single person has their life perfectly together. Even if that's what they want you to think and they try to portray - the fact is, no one is perfect - we all have skeletons in our closets and we all have problems to deal with. Don't look at someone else and what you perceive of their life and assume they have it all together or they have no problems. I assure you, everyone is great at putting on a front, but most people can't allow themselves to be vulnerable and real in front of others, so you don't see what's behind that "front." It all comes down to living life and coping as we go. I have had a really rough week or so, emotionally. I was starting to think that I was either slowly losing my mind or that my mind was already gone - it was jus...

Yep. I've decided that confusion is an inevitable part of life. Especially when it comes to interpersonal relationships and choosing your own personal path in life. What does one do whenever they are faced with numerous choices and potential paths and each outcome would be drastically different than another? Usually, I recommend that you sit down and write lists of pros and cons for each potential choice you could make. However, sometimes this simply isn't enough. Especially when deep emotions are involved - the kind of emotions that one can't get over or get around, the kind of emotions that you can't push to the back while you make a decision. So what does one do whenever they are faced with this kind of choice? Honestly, I have no idea whatsoever. If you're facing two different choices and both carry such strong emotions that you can't make a decision, what's the deciding factor? I don't know that either. When you feel like you're stuck in mu...

I feel like sometimes, I'll never reach those goals I have set for myself - both as an adult and then the hopes and dreams of my childhood. I often feel lost and confused, sometimes like a little kid trying to play "grown-up." Am I the only person who ever feels like this? Surely not. I know this isn't my typical upbeat and "live positive" post. I've been in a really weird mood lately. I've gone back and forth between being so excited and proud of myself for the progress I've made and then feeling as though I'm stuck in quicksand and sinking slowly. I guess we all go through periods like this, but mine happen so randomly and end so quickly, sometimes it's hard to keep up with the thoughts that are racing through my mind. Believe it or not, I'm not very good at expressing myself. I envy those who know what they are feeling and can express it in an eloquent manner. Sometimes I can manage okay, but the rest of the time I'm not s...

We are all meant to be somebody. Perhaps not known throughout the world or famous. Perhaps not known for doing great acts, perhaps we are to be known for our small actions that make a difference. Perhaps we are meant to be the one who stands in the background and supports others. Maybe we're meant to change the world. Each and every one of us has a purpose and a reason for being, a person we are meant to be. Are you who you are meant to be? How will you know when you are? Do you know who you are meant to be - or are you still trying to figure it out? How do we figure it out and take the path that we are meant to take? No. I don't have the answers. I don't believe that anyone has any of the answers - we all have to figure these things out for ourselves, in the time we are meant to. Gauge your actions, reactions, your thoughts and emotions - figure out if you are or are becoming, the person you are meant to be. The only way you can find out is if you act and react and pa...

Yep. Divorce or splitting up with a partner isn't easy. Usually, it's extremely volatile, especially if children are involved. Even if you can manage to split with your partner relatively amicably, with little conflict, it's inevitable, if you have children, that there will eventually be a conflict. It's usually true that, at some point or another, your feelings in a relationship will change - from like or love to dislike or hate. If those feelings stay, then divorce or breaking up is inevitable. But, back to my main point. Exes cannot usually be friends. Even when you plan on co-parenting and even if you intend on an amicable relationship with your ex, it's almost impossible to do so without any type of conflict when you have kids. We are all very different individuals. And, even if ending a relationship is amicable or even friendly, it's difficult to maintain that whenever differences or conflicts arise when you are raising children with someone you are no ...

Are you where you are in your life due to chances or choices? If you have to stop and think too hard about the answer to this question, perhaps you are not ready to live a life of authenticity with light and love. I'm not intending to sound harsh or as if I know everything, because I certainly don't know everything, but there is a certain level of self-awareness and self-honesty that is required to admit that a lot of things in our lives is due to choices of our own making. When we can stop and be truly honest with ourselves and admit that we've made some not-so-great, even BAD, choices, then we can stop blaming chance and blaming others for our problems and the struggles in our lives and move forward. There is a certain amount of chance in life, chance can sometimes cause some degree of difficulty in our lives. But when it comes to chance, even when we cannot control our circumstances, we still can control our reactions or choices that result from chance events. So, a...

Life is funny. One minute you're on the straight and narrow path and you've got a plan, the next you've come upon a giant tree in the road and one side of the road has a cliff on it and the other is water. So what do you do then? Jump off in the water and hope you can swim? Do you dive off the cliff and hope you magically learn how to fly? Or do you try to find a way to go over that tree in the road? What if I told you that, sometimes, it's a combination of the three? Sometimes you have to swim, sometimes you have to fly... other times you have to figure out a way over or through your obstacles. Life is full of changes. Indeed, in a single moment, things can change in the blink of an eye and it can seem that all of your well-made plans evaporate right before your eyes. It's really easy to get discouraged and frustrated when things happen to mess up your plans, especially when it seems like you'll never get out from underneath the current crisis or stress. I...

Are we true to ourselves, our hopes, our dreams? Do we live within our proclaimed values and morals? Do we feel like we can be our true selves or do we feel the need to wear a mask or to be someone we are not? A life lived in disguise, lived based on what others think we should do, is a life wasted. I wish someone had told me that years ago, instead of learning it the hard way. For too many years, I lived within the ideals of what I believed was best, simply because it was what everyone expected of me. I attempted to hide my true self and attempted to avoid confrontation or doing anything to "rock the boat" in attempts to make others happy. I found myself hiding my true thoughts, feelings, beliefs and ideas. I wore a mask that I never took off, even with those who were supposed to be closest to me. That's absolutely no way to live. I found that in trying to please others, I pleased no one and I made myself absolutely miserable. It's like I kept waiting for pe...

Wow, this has been a crazy few years. Starting in 2010, when my marriage began to crumble right after my youngest child was born, then meeting my new love, whom I've now been with for 3 years, to starting college and now being a year away from graduating with my Associate's degree in Psychology, it's been a rough ride. Finally, last year, the May 20th tornado of Moore, Oklahoma took out our life as we knew it. Then, a month ago, my boyfriend had a massive heart attack. I had an epiphany this morning. Even when life is at it's lowest point and even when you seemingly can't go anywhere, the only option becomes to move forward and go up from there. So, even though I've been down for the last few years, it's all UP from here. Our life path is our choice, we CHOOSE the direction we move in. Starting today, I'm choosing to go forward and up. While I haven't been writing much the last several months (obviously, I've been horrible at keeping a blog!...

My boyfriend had a heart attack Wednesday afternoon. It's been a rough week. His heart attack actually started late Tuesday night, but it didn't get bad enough until Wednesday afternoon for him to realize how serious it was and then he finally had me take him to the emergency room. I picked him up from work, dropped him off at the emergency room, went and picked up my kids from school, then I went back to the hospital to find out what was going on with him after I handed the kids off to his sister. When I got to the hospital, they were getting ready to transport him to the Heart Hospital to have a cath procedure done on his heart and put a stint in where a blockage was. So, I rode in the ambulance with him to the Oklahoma Heart Hospital and then waited while he was in surgery. I have never been so worried in my life! The procedure went well and after he made it out of recovery and was put into a room, I finally got to see him. He said, even coming out of anesthetic, that h...

Well, it's Sunday evening, already! Where do the weekends go? It seems like there's never any downtime. During the week, there's school, the kids' schoolwork, working and just taking care of the household. On weekends, that's when the kids and I get to (hopefully) do something fun and catch up on any extra errands or chores. Seems like we are constantly on the move, even when there's not much that really needs done. Or is that just the way parenthood - especially SINGLE parenthood - goes? I think that being a parent - whether single, with a partner, working, staying at home, etc... it's all hard. The hardest job one will ever have. And it is one of the most under-appreciated or under-recognized jobs that a person can have. The kids and I are always relieved when the weekends come and there doesn't seem to be quite as much to do, yet we never seem to have that down-time that we need and want. :sigh: I don't know about you, but my days are definit...

I know that there are truly very few things in life that we can control. For many of us though, we tend to try to control almost everything or feel the need to. Sometimes, we feel the need to try to control others in our lives or control their actions. Here's a tidbit of information that I've just recently learned - you can't control another person and their actions, all you can control is yourself and your own actions or reactions. Coming to acceptance about the fact that I cannot control as many things as I'd like, however, is another story. It has been no easy task to accept that I'm not in charge of things, especially because I tend to be a bit bossy and perhaps even a bit of a control freak. However, slowly, with time - and a lot of frustration and pain - I am coming to realize that I can't control a large part of what happens around me. I can't MAKE things happen the way I want them to all the time, all I can do is keep moving towards a positive g...

So, I'm sitting here tonight, pondering life and relationships. Thinking back to my marriages and the almost-3-year relationship that just ended. I don't know that my marriages really should have ever happened in the first place, but I have 7 wonderful children as a result, so I wouldn't go back and change those marriages if I could. But the most recently ended relationship. Wow. I don't know that I would go back and undo it, because I learned so much about love and relationships with "G." But I also learned that love is a really scary thing, which is funny, because I don't think I truly learned that during my marriages. To love - and be loved - is to bare your heart and soul to another human being, to make yourself fully vulnerable to them and hope that neither person gets hurt. That's scary. Some people are incapable of doing this, which means they protect themselves from hurt, but they also never experience the true joy of love and vulnerability ...

Another year has passed us by... we have left 2013 behind and entered 2014. The new year always brings with it, hopes for change and we often set goals, or "resolutions." We are two days into the new year, and I have yet to actually finish my "resolutions." Why are those resolutions so important? If we were all honest, most of us don't actually end up following through with those resolutions and we end up feeling a great sense of failure about it. So, one might ask, what's the point? Why bother setting goals for one's self if one isn't going to even bother to meet those goals? All of us have the desire to change something in our lives, even if it's not something major, perhaps a bad habit, a minor organizational issue, etc.. We always seem to feel the urge to make "resolutions" at the beginning of a new year to change these things. The problem is, making a "Resolution" can seem like a "do or die" affair and we...

So it had occurred to me that for most of my adult life, I've been living in a vacuum. I didn't see the entire big picture of things, which made decision-making a little easier than it should have been. In some cases, I really and truly made no conscious decision. For many years, I lacked a sense of self-awareness and lacked any real self-esteem. Which led me to the place I am now. For the most part, although it wasn't a conscious decision on my part, I simply allowed things to happen around me. I allowed others to make decisions for me. I have been living in a vacuum and having no real sense of time or sense of urgency concerning much of anything in my life. I hid behind spouses and children and used being a wife and mother or being a mother as an excuse to not really do anything with myself or my life. When you give away your power, it's awfully difficult to gain it back. It's a very odd place to find yourself, when you realize that you gave up choices and ...

   There's a time and a place for everything, even if we don't always know the reason. And the simple fact is, we may never know the reason why things happen the way do.     After many years of struggling with the same problems over and over, fighting the same battles over and over, a recent natural disaster that ripped through my hometown forced me to take a long, hard look at myself and realize that while the tornado might have ruined "life as I know it," there was actually a blessing in disguise.      In the wake of the trauma to our lives, my children and I are now starting over. For all of us, this is going to be a good thing. Waking up one day to realize that life is precious and short can be the wake-up call that one needs to attempt to change the things that previously felt unmanageable or uncontrollable.     There has been a lot of chaos and unnecessary drama in my life the last few years. Realizing that most of...