Coping with Life

Life is hard. No doubt about it. Sometimes it can seem very overwhelming. Even to those of us who have "been there, done that" in negative situations or when dealing with negativity in relationships. No single person has their life perfectly together. Even if that's what they want you to think and they try to portray - the fact is, no one is perfect - we all have skeletons in our closets and we all have problems to deal with.

Don't look at someone else and what you perceive of their life and assume they have it all together or they have no problems. I assure you, everyone is great at putting on a front, but most people can't allow themselves to be vulnerable and real in front of others, so you don't see what's behind that "front."

It all comes down to living life and coping as we go. I have had a really rough week or so, emotionally. I was starting to think that I was either slowly losing my mind or that my mind was already gone - it was just that bad. I have always had issues with depression, but I let my depression and anxiety get the best of me last week when things got a little hectic and some unexpected stuff happened. Don't worry, I'm better and I know that I'm not the only one who occasionally gets overwhelmed.

I don't think there's a set "Destination" in life, I think we all have to keep moving and learning as we go, while ultimately aiming for self-knowledge and peace. I don't think that there's much more to hope to attain, personally, other than a life well-lived, lessons learned and some enlightenment.

So life is hard. Just keep moving and going, cope as you go, and eventually, you end up having all the skills to cope and end up discovering yourself along the way.

Confusion Reigns Supreme

Yep. I've decided that confusion is an inevitable part of life. Especially when it comes to interpersonal relationships and choosing your own personal path in life. What does one do whenever they are faced with numerous choices and potential paths and each outcome would be drastically different than another? Usually, I recommend that you sit down and write lists of pros and cons for each potential choice you could make.

However, sometimes this simply isn't enough. Especially when deep emotions are involved - the kind of emotions that one can't get over or get around, the kind of emotions that you can't push to the back while you make a decision. So what does one do whenever they are faced with this kind of choice? Honestly, I have no idea whatsoever. If you're facing two different choices and both carry such strong emotions that you can't make a decision, what's the deciding factor? I don't know that either.

When you feel like you're stuck in mud and just spinning your wheels, it's hard to know what to do. When the idea of making a choice sends you spinning and you feel as though you're free-falling into a never-ending abyss, what do you do? I wish I had the answers. All I know is that it happens in life, situations where we are faced with choices so drastic that either choice would change everything and then you are faced with trying to decide and simply don't know which direction to take, all because you can't get past emotions.

I'm a fairly logical person. Most of the time. I tend to analyze and even OVER analyze everything, but this time, analyzing things isn't helping. If anything, my logic and analytical skills are failing me. I think they may be making it worse. There are decisions I need to make, each choice I am facing carries such strong emotions with them that I can't see past the emotions of the decisions needing to be made. I feel like I'm stuck in quick-sand and simply unable to move. Paralyzed. Out of breath. Waiting.

But what am I waiting for? Maybe some sort of sign or signal as to which direction I should go? Maybe for something or someone to give me a clue about where I need to go and be? Maybe I should do nothing? Maybe I am just so confused and so emotional that I can't see my way around the choices before me, I know I have to make some decisions... I just don't know how to go about it.

For the first time in my life, I'm feeling more out of control and confused than I recall ever feeling. I HATE feeling so damn helpless and confused. I'm stronger than this. Now, if I can just figure it out......

Hopes and Dreams: Lost in Translation

I feel like sometimes, I'll never reach those goals I have set for myself - both as an adult and then the hopes and dreams of my childhood. I often feel lost and confused, sometimes like a little kid trying to play "grown-up." Am I the only person who ever feels like this? Surely not.

I know this isn't my typical upbeat and "live positive" post. I've been in a really weird mood lately. I've gone back and forth between being so excited and proud of myself for the progress I've made and then feeling as though I'm stuck in quicksand and sinking slowly. I guess we all go through periods like this, but mine happen so randomly and end so quickly, sometimes it's hard to keep up with the thoughts that are racing through my mind.

Believe it or not, I'm not very good at expressing myself. I envy those who know what they are feeling and can express it in an eloquent manner. Sometimes I can manage okay, but the rest of the time I'm not sure that I've accurately conveyed whatever it is that I am thinking or feeling - especially when I'm not really sure what it is that I am feeling.

I feel like my hopes and dreams have been on hold for most of my life, as though I've somehow lost sight of them while trying to translate the meaning and purpose of everyday life. All I know is that I have to keep moving, keep swimming in the rough waters of life and hope that I reach my goals and somehow, along the way, find my hopes and dreams too.

Be The Person You Are Meant To Be

We are all meant to be somebody. Perhaps not known throughout the world or famous. Perhaps not known for doing great acts, perhaps we are to be known for our small actions that make a difference. Perhaps we are meant to be the one who stands in the background and supports others. Maybe we're meant to change the world. Each and every one of us has a purpose and a reason for being, a person we are meant to be.

Are you who you are meant to be? How will you know when you are? Do you know who you are meant to be - or are you still trying to figure it out? How do we figure it out and take the path that we are meant to take? No. I don't have the answers. I don't believe that anyone has any of the answers - we all have to figure these things out for ourselves, in the time we are meant to.

Gauge your actions, reactions, your thoughts and emotions - figure out if you are or are becoming, the person you are meant to be. The only way you can find out is if you act and react and pay attention to the things in your life, in your heart, the things in your mind. Only you can know who you are meant to be and only you can know when you have become the person you are meant to be.

All any of us can do is go through life, keep learning and growing, and keep on moving - even if it means that sometimes we have to crawl or drag ourselves through the debris from the storms that life throws at us. Sometimes, I think that we find ourselves and who we are meant to be when we're right smack in the middle of the storm. Then it's up to us to find our way out and keep moving forward.

Be the person you are meant to be. Don't give up until you figure it out. Even when you feel lost, know that you have a purpose and a reason for being who you are and who you are meant to be. 

Rants and Raves... And Why Ex's Usually Can't Be Friends

Yep. Divorce or splitting up with a partner isn't easy. Usually, it's extremely volatile, especially if children are involved. Even if you can manage to split with your partner relatively amicably, with little conflict, it's inevitable, if you have children, that there will eventually be a conflict. It's usually true that, at some point or another, your feelings in a relationship will change - from like or love to dislike or hate. If those feelings stay, then divorce or breaking up is inevitable.

But, back to my main point. Exes cannot usually be friends. Even when you plan on co-parenting and even if you intend on an amicable relationship with your ex, it's almost impossible to do so without any type of conflict when you have kids. We are all very different individuals. And, even if ending a relationship is amicable or even friendly, it's difficult to maintain that whenever differences or conflicts arise when you are raising children with someone you are no longer in a relationship with.

Sometimes, there are unresolved feelings or unresolved conflicts concerning the former marriage or relationship. This can spill over into conflicts when it comes to disagreements concerning the children. It's really easy to bring up past episodes of disagreements or actions of the other party when you are disagreeing about how to deal with situations concerning children, especially if the relationship was volatile or ended on a bitter note.

After being married and divorced three times and trying to co-parent with all three of my ex-husbands, I'm here to tell you that, despite being civil and attempting to co-parent, my exes and I are not friends. While we can be friendly for the sake of the children and we are usually successful at being civil, occasionally conflicts arise in which disagreements or conversations get volatile. I think this is more normal than exes truly being friends.

Mind you, I'm not saying that exes cannot be friends or that it's impossible, I'm just saying that it's simply not likely and not very common. I would suggest, if you are divorcing or are divorced, aim for being civil, try to mind your own business when it comes to your ex's life and don't volunteer excessive information about your own life to your ex. Exes are exes for a reason. Keep that in mind. 

Compromise and Parenting

Parenting is hard. Especially if you and the other parent aren't on the same page about your goals and ideals for your child. It can be even more difficult in cases where parents are divorced, have different religious views or drastically different values.l

 

In instances where parents are at odds, it's best to try to find some sort of common ground or compromise. In fact, your children's wellbeing can depend on it. No good can come from discord between parents and often, children can feel caught in the middle. If you find that you are disagreeing with the other parent, try to find a common goal to work towards so that you can successfully coparent your child or children together.

 

Avoid name-calling, fussing and feuding between you and the other parent, most especially in front of the children. If you can keep disagreements civil, it's easier to compromise and come to an agreement that works for both of you and is best for the children.

 

Parenting is hard enough, there's no reason to make it harder.

Freedom and Faith

Today is The 4th of July, America's Independence Day. I hope that each and every one of you is having a safe and happy Fourth of July, while you're busy celebrating American freedom.

While you're going about your celebrations and cookouts, watching fireworks and spending time with friends and family... Give a thought to those who gave their lives for our freedom, give a thankyou to those who have served or are still serving .

Freedom isn't free. It can come at a heavy price. Never take it for granted. Have a safe and happy 4th of July and remember not to drink and drive.

Divorce and Parenting

Divorce is extremely difficult, even without children. But if you have kids, it's even more difficult. Many divorced parents don't realize how much their fighting or discord actually affects their child(ren.) It can be difficult to be neutral or diplomatic during or after a divorce, but if you have children with your ex-spouse, it's of utmost importance that you set aside differences, anger and fighting and learn to at least be civil with your ex. 

If there are unresolved issues in your former relationship or if you and your ex-spouse have a history of dysfunction, it can be extremely difficult to come together and be successful at co-parenting your child(ren.) In cases like this, it can come down to a simple matter of, one of you needs to let things go and be the bigger person. Even if you feel like you might want to lash out at the other parent or want to talk negatively about the other parent to your child(ren,) it's extremely important for the well-being of everyone involved that you avoid doing this. 

The old saying "If you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all," definitely applies here. If you find that you can't put a positive spin on something concerning the other parent, if you find that you can't be diplomatic, then sometimes saying something like "We really can't discuss this right now" is best. Many times, children will feel the urge to attempt to "play parents" against one another, or they may even be holding out hope that their parents will get back together.

Avoid negative confrontations with your ex-spouse, try to come to some sort of compromise when it comes to the children or parenting the children, and definitely avoid letting your anger or resentment show to your children. Anger, resentment and other negativity affects children, it can confuse them, upset them, make them sad, angry and cause many other negative effects. 

Divorce and parenting isn't easy, but it can definitely be done, if both parties can do their best to set aside differences, past negative history and agree to do what is ultimately best for the children. Remember, many have divorced and successfully parented their children, as well, many have divorced and made things more difficult for the children. If divorce ultimately becomes a reality for your family - forgive the oxymoron, but - try to be a successful divorced parenting story.

New Beginnings, Again.

So my three littlest ones started a new daycare today. I'm not sure how I feel about it. We have used daycare before, but it hasn't been a constant in our/their lives. It was so hard to leave my 3 year old when he begged me not to leave him there.

 I'm on break at work now and counting down the hours until I can go get my little ones. I miss them terribly when they aren't with me. And, of course, leaving them in someone else's care is scary and a bit nervewracking too.

 I know it's a necessity at this point in time, and we have to adapt to this new change, but no one said I have to like it. And I don't, not one little bit. I guess it's not a matter of having to like it or not, but more a point of acceptance and making the best of a not so great situation.

If someone had told me fourteen years ago that I would have this many children, that I'd be a single mom to four children and that I would be going to school, working and have my four youngest kids in daycare, I'd have probably slapped them and called them a liar.

But, now, it's just another new beginning and life is full of new beginnings that we either learn to accept or that we let get the best of us. I choose to make a new beginning and thrive. My children will too. 

Irresponsible People

I'll warn you all, I'm on a major rant today. I don't understand the irresponsibility and immaturity of some people. Especially if you have children.

 I don't understand someone overextending themselves financially, financing cars, going out to eat, buying ridiculous toys and electronics, etc - when one can't even cover their basic necessities. Then to treat child support as an option, this makes no sense to me at all. Why would you put WANTS above NEEDS? Especially if it comes to your kids? I just don't get people.

 There comes a point when there's no excuse for irresponsibility and you can't blame someone else. Priorities, people, priorities! Men, helping take care of your children financially is NOT optional. To everyone in general, don't lay down with someone if you don't wanna have kids or take care of kids.