On Life and Words

I recently lost a friendship of four years. It wasn't over a minor issues. It was, perhaps, unavoidable. We both had differing ideas on what constituted "judging" and gentle, loving, honesty. She thought I was judging her for situations in her life, but was passing the same judgments she accused me of, onto my own life. I tried to be gentle and honest - without judgment of her or her choices - however, at the end of the day, we simply couldn't agree to disagree and move forward. The thing is, this friendship started four and a half years ago during an extremely traumatic and stressful time in my life and hers both, which left us with a friendship, but also left us with a "trauma bond." Although neither of our situations at the time were related, we'd bonded over the similarities. Sometimes, friendships formed in this way will last a lifetime. However, in many cases, they will simply end over time, once the time of crisis is over with. When you bond ...

Life is hard. Even when things are going pretty good, there will be occasional struggles or obstacles in your way. This is especially true if you've already dealt with any type of hardship in your life. If you're like me, and you've gone through multiple struggles in your life - mental, emotional, abusive relationships, poverty, homelessness, physical, etc - then dealing with basic, everyday life can sometimes feel like a struggle. This is why it's important to have a solid support system in place - whether you have good family and friends, a counselor and/or support group, online support groups, etc - everyone needs a support system. We all need people in our lives, even those of us who might claim to be "anti-social" or those who have "social anxiety." But what we don't need in our lives is toxic people and situations. If you have someone in your life who is toxic, if they bring more drama than you care to deal with, if they mentally or em...

Okay Everyone, here I am, SHAMELESSLY promoting my book! I'm nervous as heck to have anyone buy it or read it, but I also want the feedback. If you'd like to purchase my book, you can find it Amazon   http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00MSA51L8# Please, if you buy my book and read it, please make sure to leave me a review or email me some type of feedback!

I have finally finished my first book, The Truth About Life: Life Lessons from Rock-Bottom. I'm quite pleased with myself. It has taken me such a long time to finish it and get around to completing the editing of it. But, once I got down to business and began working on it seriously, it didn't take me nearly as long as I expected it to. Even if it turns out to be a "flop," at least I can add it to my list of things I've accomplished. So, I'm happy about that. I am still trying to figure out KDP Select and trying to figure out a way to offer the book for free for a few days, but I am struggling with figuring that out. But, just as soon as I figure it out and get it done, I'll be sure to let you all know! If you're interested in my book, you can find it on Amazon: The Truth About Life: Life Lessons From Rock Bottom http://t.co/u7vssSyT4z And please, if you do read it, please leave me a review or some type of feedback. I want to get better with my...

Well, I'm finally reaching the end of my journey with my first book, "The Truth About Life: Life Lessons from Rock Bottom." It's taken a very long time, several years, in fact, to reach this point. But I'm getting closer to getting finished with my final editing. I'm editing it myself, so I'm sure it won't be perfect, but I do feel like it's a good start, so maybe my next book will be even better. I have some editing to finish and then I need to finish my conclusion and the final section about myself. I'm not really absolutely certain on this, but I'm thinking I should have it all finished within a week or less. I'm seeing the end in sight and I'm starting to get excited, although I'm definitely very nervous! This book has been a labor of love, a large time investment (as I could find it!) and I am nervous about throwing it out there for others to see and read! I suppose that most authors feel that way about their books. I ...

Life is hard. No doubt about it. Sometimes it can seem very overwhelming. Even to those of us who have "been there, done that" in negative situations or when dealing with negativity in relationships. No single person has their life perfectly together. Even if that's what they want you to think and they try to portray - the fact is, no one is perfect - we all have skeletons in our closets and we all have problems to deal with. Don't look at someone else and what you perceive of their life and assume they have it all together or they have no problems. I assure you, everyone is great at putting on a front, but most people can't allow themselves to be vulnerable and real in front of others, so you don't see what's behind that "front." It all comes down to living life and coping as we go. I have had a really rough week or so, emotionally. I was starting to think that I was either slowly losing my mind or that my mind was already gone - it was jus...

Are you where you are in your life due to chances or choices? If you have to stop and think too hard about the answer to this question, perhaps you are not ready to live a life of authenticity with light and love. I'm not intending to sound harsh or as if I know everything, because I certainly don't know everything, but there is a certain level of self-awareness and self-honesty that is required to admit that a lot of things in our lives is due to choices of our own making. When we can stop and be truly honest with ourselves and admit that we've made some not-so-great, even BAD, choices, then we can stop blaming chance and blaming others for our problems and the struggles in our lives and move forward. There is a certain amount of chance in life, chance can sometimes cause some degree of difficulty in our lives. But when it comes to chance, even when we cannot control our circumstances, we still can control our reactions or choices that result from chance events. So, a...

Are we true to ourselves, our hopes, our dreams? Do we live within our proclaimed values and morals? Do we feel like we can be our true selves or do we feel the need to wear a mask or to be someone we are not? A life lived in disguise, lived based on what others think we should do, is a life wasted. I wish someone had told me that years ago, instead of learning it the hard way. For too many years, I lived within the ideals of what I believed was best, simply because it was what everyone expected of me. I attempted to hide my true self and attempted to avoid confrontation or doing anything to "rock the boat" in attempts to make others happy. I found myself hiding my true thoughts, feelings, beliefs and ideas. I wore a mask that I never took off, even with those who were supposed to be closest to me. That's absolutely no way to live. I found that in trying to please others, I pleased no one and I made myself absolutely miserable. It's like I kept waiting for pe...

Wow, this has been a crazy few years. Starting in 2010, when my marriage began to crumble right after my youngest child was born, then meeting my new love, whom I've now been with for 3 years, to starting college and now being a year away from graduating with my Associate's degree in Psychology, it's been a rough ride. Finally, last year, the May 20th tornado of Moore, Oklahoma took out our life as we knew it. Then, a month ago, my boyfriend had a massive heart attack. I had an epiphany this morning. Even when life is at it's lowest point and even when you seemingly can't go anywhere, the only option becomes to move forward and go up from there. So, even though I've been down for the last few years, it's all UP from here. Our life path is our choice, we CHOOSE the direction we move in. Starting today, I'm choosing to go forward and up. While I haven't been writing much the last several months (obviously, I've been horrible at keeping a blog!...

Negativity is one of the many pitfalls of life. Too often, we allow that negativity to consume us and ruin our day, we find ourselves dwelling on the negatives and forget all about anything that might actually be positive. I'm here to remind you that it doesn't have to be that way. If you find yourself dwelling on the negative, you'll find yourself living in a bubble of darkness, you'll find that you have no enjoyment in life. Focusing on the positive will balance out the negativity in your life, it can even help to minimize it. All you need to do is simply find one thing each morning to be thankful for in your life. If you can find one positive thing to focus on, then this helps to keep negativity at bay and you won't drown in the waves of negativity. Negativity will always be there, it's a natural part of life, but you needn't feel like that is all there is in your life. Simply choose to focus on the positive and you will find that life doesn't se...

Well, it's Sunday evening, already! Where do the weekends go? It seems like there's never any downtime. During the week, there's school, the kids' schoolwork, working and just taking care of the household. On weekends, that's when the kids and I get to (hopefully) do something fun and catch up on any extra errands or chores. Seems like we are constantly on the move, even when there's not much that really needs done. Or is that just the way parenthood - especially SINGLE parenthood - goes? I think that being a parent - whether single, with a partner, working, staying at home, etc... it's all hard. The hardest job one will ever have. And it is one of the most under-appreciated or under-recognized jobs that a person can have. The kids and I are always relieved when the weekends come and there doesn't seem to be quite as much to do, yet we never seem to have that down-time that we need and want. :sigh: I don't know about you, but my days are definit...

I don't know about the rest of you, but I know that I get awfully confused whenever I am in a relationship and things aren't going so smoothly. My most recent relationship has been an on-again, off-again roller coaster for almost three years. I know "G" and I love each other, I know we could work things out if we were both willing to try to compromise and really work at it. But, sometimes it really is and ISN'T that simple. I think "G" and I are back "on" again at this point. I'm hoping, with a little bit of time and some effort, that we can really make a "go" of things this time. I know that my mind is saying that, logically, this shouldn't and couldn't possibly work. My heart, however, says that it can and that it just might this time. You just simply never know what direction things will go. Which is where my confusion lies. So what do you do when one is confused about matters of the heart? The best suggestion that...

Well, I suppose it's just that time of year. Since right before Christmas, my kids have had Strep, a random cold and now another virus that mimics the flu. I guess it's normal for this time of year, especially when one has children of various ages and they attend public school. With so many little ones in the house, it's no surprise that we all get sick at once or one right after the other. I think the best advice anyone can give another parent during this time of year is this: Make sure you and your kids get adequate amounts of sleep, make sure you stay well-hydrated and eat less junk food. Dress weather-appropriately and avoid spending too much time in extremes of temperature one way or another. And, of course, make sure you wash your hands frequently with soap and water and keep your bed linens and towels washed and clean. Throw away toothbrushes after each illness and replace them to prevent likelihood of reinfection. Also, try to avoid eating or drinking after one...

I know that there are truly very few things in life that we can control. For many of us though, we tend to try to control almost everything or feel the need to. Sometimes, we feel the need to try to control others in our lives or control their actions. Here's a tidbit of information that I've just recently learned - you can't control another person and their actions, all you can control is yourself and your own actions or reactions. Coming to acceptance about the fact that I cannot control as many things as I'd like, however, is another story. It has been no easy task to accept that I'm not in charge of things, especially because I tend to be a bit bossy and perhaps even a bit of a control freak. However, slowly, with time - and a lot of frustration and pain - I am coming to realize that I can't control a large part of what happens around me. I can't MAKE things happen the way I want them to all the time, all I can do is keep moving towards a positive g...

So, I'm sitting here tonight, pondering life and relationships. Thinking back to my marriages and the almost-3-year relationship that just ended. I don't know that my marriages really should have ever happened in the first place, but I have 7 wonderful children as a result, so I wouldn't go back and change those marriages if I could. But the most recently ended relationship. Wow. I don't know that I would go back and undo it, because I learned so much about love and relationships with "G." But I also learned that love is a really scary thing, which is funny, because I don't think I truly learned that during my marriages. To love - and be loved - is to bare your heart and soul to another human being, to make yourself fully vulnerable to them and hope that neither person gets hurt. That's scary. Some people are incapable of doing this, which means they protect themselves from hurt, but they also never experience the true joy of love and vulnerability ...

So, after almost 3 years, my most recent relationship has ended. I wasn't really surprised. It was a crazy, up and down kind of relationship. I think I'm most surprised that it lasted as long as it did. This relationship was one of those insane, feel-an-instant-connection, dive head-first into it kind of relationships. One that seemed OH so perfect and wrong all at the same time. But, sometimes, even when all of the emotions are right and the commitment is there, a relationship simply can't withstand the pressures of life and it can't continue. When you have two people who are not only complete opposites, but also at completely different points in their lives, it is almost impossible for the relationship to succeed. In the end, in a situation like this, sometimes the only way to go is down, or, more dramatically, the relationship collides straight into a brick wall. I think that's what happened here. In the end, there was no room for compromise on either side a...

Have you ever felt like an event in your life has so totally derailed things that your life has actually been interrupted and basically suspended, indefinitely? I have had this occur a few times in my life and have discovered something - I don't care for it much at all. I think that sometimes, these interruptions, so to speak, can be external events, internal events, relationships beginning or ending or just about anything that causes emotional trauma. So what does one do, when they are living a life interrupted? The first thing to do is to realize that your circumstances do not define who you are. Relationships do not define who you are. Events in your past or present do not define who you are as a person. You can live your life despite your past or even present, as long as you remember that this interruption, or suspension, is never permanent. As long as you do not allow the interruption to paralyze you into inaction, you can, indeed, pick up and move through life again. A l...