A Day In My Life With 2 Toddlers

So, if you've followed me for any length of time, you already know I have 9 children... ranging in ages from 19, down to age 2 1/2. I had my first 5 children within 5 years of each other... then spaced out numbers 6 and 7 out over another 5 years. I had baby number 8 when baby number 7 was 5, baby number 9 followed 16 months later. My life is pure insanity sometimes... even the older ones who don't live with me can contribute to this... Mom's life is filled with stress and worry for all of her children.

I absolutely adore all of my children - from the semi-bratty teenagers, all the way down to my littlest miniature dictator toddler. However, they completely exhaust me! The toddlers, that is. With two toddlers in the house - ages 3 and 2, my life is absolutely never boring. They are always getting into things, fussing over the same toy, loudly shouting the words "NO!!" or "MINE!" over things that are most definitely not theirs or over things that they most definitely need to do or not do.

I never imagined "starting over" and having anymore children after I turned 30. But here I am, at the age of 36 (almost 37) with my last two babies being "start-over babies." I don't remember being this exhausted when my older kids were younger, even though there were more of them and they had to have been just as "busy" as these two. Maybe it's because I was younger, perhaps it's selective amnesia. Joking. Maybe?

My days with two toddlers consist of attempting to wake up before they do to make sure they don't get into anything they aren't supposed to, making breakfast - half of which ends up not eaten, bathing and dressing them.Working on potty-training two of them at once, while trying to convince them that they have to wear clothes - walking around nude all the time simply isn't an option! Removing any dangerous objects from their line of sight or reach - which they always seem to immediately gravitate towards!

Then I remove random objects from their mouths, things that they feel the need to taste or try to eat that most definitely aren't food. Definitely a Mom, because I simply hold out my hand and tell them to spit whatever it is out into my hand... no matter what it is, I never bat an eye. Wiping snotty noses, convincing them to wash their hands and to PLEASE stop playing in the toilet! No, you can't take a bath for the 7th time today... the bathtub isn't a swimming pool!

PLEASE, don't bite your brother! Your siblings aren't food! Oh, we're hungry again... oh, I see, you're going to snub something that you simply couldn't get enough of for the last 5 days. SIGH. We're only halfway through the day.

Then we go through futile attempts at a nap-time. Nope. Too bad, Mommy... no naps for us today. Dang. But *I* wanted a nap, My Loves! Uh oh, time to take the toy they're fighting over away. Maybe the next 6.... because, "Toddler Rules." We have to go to the store. We take two hours to get completely ready, only for them to both have their shoes off by the time we reach the store that's 5 minutes away. Put the shoes back on and unload from the vehicle.

Yep, I can understand why some parents use toddler "leashes." Really hard to chase two toddlers headed in opposite directions while trying to carry a couple of items I'm planning to purchase. And this is just at the convenience store. Not very convenient. No shopping carts to semi-corral them in! We fare a little better at Wal-Mart, until I have a momentary lapse in judgement and accidentally get the cart too close to a display or shelf and then toddler hands proceed to knock things down or add things to the cart.

Two hours later, we're finally home again. Gotta unload the babies, then unload the groceries. Yes, you guys can watch tv while Mommy puts things away. Oh, but you'd rather start playing with everything I just bought. (No wonder things get misplaced and I end up buying duplicates or replacements a day or two later!) There. Things are finally put away.

Dinner time. Oh, but it's floor food instead. I guess the floor was "hungry." Sometimes they just don't want to eat whatever I've made, other times they just have to throw it in the floor and then decide they want it. I know it doesn't sound like it, but I've been teaching them table manners. I don't know... sometimes I think a pack of wolves would do a better job at raising toddlers than I am!

Chill time, then it's finally bed time. Well, if they'd only just lay down and stop wanting to get up to get into things or harass each other. They want to sleep with me. Great! We can all get to sleep fairly quick then. Oh, guess not. THEY get to sleep fairly quickly. Mommy gets kidney kicked, throat punched, gets the blanket stolen and sharp little feet in her ribs.

Whoever said that pregnancy or having a newborn was the worst time to try to sleep as a parent has never tried sleeping with even one toddler, let alone two! It's 2am. Mommy's exhausted. And my day starts again in about 5 hours. :SIGH:

I love my babies. They just exhaust me! Whoever said that having kids keeps you young, doesn't have kids or doesn't realize that the only reason they keep you young is because you regress to toddler tantrums when you're this exhausted... so you're basically on your kid's level.

One day, that feels like it lasts an insanely long amount of time, but goes by too fast... all at the same time.

Thoughts On Parenting Teenagers

Okay, Everyone... Parenting is, hands down, the hardest job you'll ever have in your life. Every individual who has raised a child knows this. From birth and through your child's adulthood, parenting is hard.

Children don't come with instruction manuals. Heaven knows, if that were the case, then the journey of parenthood would be so much easier. That's just not the way parenting works, however.

I remember be a young, teenage mother-to-be... Very determined to try to raise my children right and determined to prove everyone wrong. To prove, in fact, that teenage mothers can still be good mothers. I devoured parenting book after parenting book. I was determined to not make all the same mistakes my own parents had. To, in fact, be a superior parent than they had been.

Then my oldest child was born. And when my oldest child was about 6 months old, I proceeded to throw out each and every one of those parenting books. Why? Not because I had learned to be a perfect parent (Ha! Those don't exist!), but because those parenting books all made me realize something.

There is no "one size fits all" method that works when it comes to parenting. No single thing works for every parent, no single thing works for every child. Indeed, parenting has taught me that we don't really know squat when it comes to raising our children, all parents start out not knowing how to be a parent and just when you think you have it all figured out... Your kid goes out of their way to show you that you don't.

Teenagers. Oh, they're an entirely different set of challenges. Parenting requires you to have the patience of a saint and nerves of steel. Especially if your child is just like you.

I get it. Teenage years are hard. There are social pressures that most adults have gladly forgotten about, academic pressures that can be nerve-wracking to any child or adult, then you add hormone changes, emotional changes and your child trying to find their place and direction in life.

I think that by the time our children reach their teenage years, most parents have forgotten just how lost or confused they felt during their own teenagehood. Most of us gladly leave the peer pressure, highschool drama and snarkiness, stress over tests,  deciding on college or not, learning to chart the waters of dating, etc - behind.

I have a ridiculous amount of children. 9, to be exact. I always wanted a large family - boy, did I get it! I currently have 5 teenagers, who have various living situations. Navigating those situations and relationships is difficult, even on a good day. When the days are bad, they're really bad.

Every child needs something different from me. And I also have 2 middles and 2 toddlers. My life is crazy chaos on a calm day. But my life with teenagers is it's own special brand of craziness.

See, my teenagers are ready to go forth into the world and be the adults they are becoming. I couldn't be more proud of ANY of them. But it's hard.

One moment your teen is going to love you and respect you, the next moment he or she is going to think you are Satan incarnate and only out to ruin his or her life. There will be laughter, tears, many uncomfortable moments and even screaming - maybe you, maybe them.

At the end of the day, your teenager just wants reassurance that you love them and that you're there for them. The hardest part of being a parent, for me, is giving my children room to make mistakes and deal with the consequences in as controlled and safe manner as possible.

And then you simply have to hope and pray you've done enough to teach them how to get through it all in one piece. While holding on to the nearest handle and praying you survive it too.

Teenagers don't mean to drive their parents crazy, it's due to all the inner and outer chaos they're dealing with. It's part of growing up. And sometimes, you're growing up right alongside them.

My New Life

So recently I made a pretty drastic (for me) change. I moved 2 hours from where I was living and moved into a 5th wheel camper.

There were multiple reasons for doing so... But I'll get into those at another time. But for now... I'm adjusting to living in a smaller space with my littles and my teenage daughter. We had too much "stuff" anyway, so now is as good a time as any to learn to declutter.

I'm currently waiting to start a job. My 3 year old had surgery a week and a half ago to get his tonsils and adenoids taken out. His post-op appointment is at the 2 week mark, so then I can focus on going back to work.

Money is tight, stress is a little high... But for the first time in my life, I'm finding peace and don't feel a sense of dread about what the future holds.

I've taken to calling the camper my "tiny house" or "gypsy trailer." I'm viewing this as an adventure.. Not yet another restart. It's actually both, but I'm excited about it.

And maybe I'll finally get organized in the process...

3 Months and 4 Days Later

On April 20th, 2018... my life changed (again!) in a split second. My ex-husband called to tell me that his wife had been in a car accident while bringing our 3 boys down to my house.

My heart. My world.
Literally stopped.

Everything suspended for a moment as I struggled to wrap my mind around what I was hearing and tried to grasp the severity of the situation.

There are no words to say in a situation like this. Nothing comes to mind. You can't focus on a single thought or word, but also grasp at every single word or thought. Struggling to hang on to anything you can, to try to make sense of something so utterly unexpected as to be unbelievable. 

In the ensuing chaos, I realized that I'd been in the shower when the call came through.... had I? Really? Did I remember to shut the lights off? Did I hang my towel? I'd left conditioner in my hair and one leg unshaven as I threw whatever clothes I had on and my new husband and I rushed out the door to get to the accident scene. 

I can attest to the fact that I was probably in shock by the time we reached the accident scene... my brain already going into a protective mode, which probably ultimately saved my sanity and that of those around me.

We picked my 13 year old son up from the scene, he, miraculously, no injuries other than a few very minor scratches and a seat belt bruise. We would take him to the trauma unit where my other 2 sons were being med-flighted.

Again. This is where a disconnect from reality occurred. I HEARD med-flight, I heard trauma and sedation. But it didn't register, because one of my 3 boys was perfectly fine, right in front of me and basically unscathed. Stepmom was okay, except for some bruises, scratches and some nasty cuts on her foot. Her 14 year old son and her and my ex-husband's baby were okay, too.

Nope. I can't even express what went through my mind when I saw my 7 year old son in the trauma bay. We would find that he had a severe concussion which resulted in some memory loss and personality changes, a broken arm, a gash on his head and I was totally unprepared for the amount of blood he was covered in and how still he was.

Some Mama instinct kept me from losing it completely, but I still struggled to stay calm and focused. Even now,  the memory fills me with a deep pain and pure ice flows through my veins. There is no warmth when the memory hits... as there was no warmth that day or in the days that followed.

When my 10 year old arrived, I was already to a point of numbness that I can't even begin to explain... yet I felt the pain rip through me as if I were feeling every bit of their injuries myself. I struggled and struggled to decipher my emotions and thoughts.  I pray I never feel that again.
My 10 year old son had a deep gash from the side of his head and across his cheekbone, he was missing a chunk of his arm that I could have put my fist in.

Wait. What? How can I so clinically and calmly state their injuries and not scream and cry whilst doing so? I don't know. Even now... I don't know. My life has ended and began all over again, multiple times... through the time in the trauma bays, to the time in ICU... to the week long hospital stay for both boys... the multiple surgeries my 10 year old had to repair his arm... the daily struggles with my 7 year old when he forgets something or we see a different personality than before. The survivor's guilt and PTSD that my 13 year old struggles with. All of us are carrying scars now, they are just physically visible on my 7 year old and 10 year old.

The moments we struggle through in life are what makes us who we are, those events in life that we don't plan or expect that could be so much worse, the ghosts of the past and memories of how things used to be. It all merges together, daily. Sometimes every moment of the day.

A mother's biggest fear is something happening to one of her children. The traumas that happen in life make one moment seem like a million lifetimes. And when it's more than one of your children, that makes it even more difficult.

Three months and four days ago, my heart stopped and began again. My world turned completely upside down with a pain that just won't go away. I have panic attacks when driving, my heart skips a beat when my phone rings - for fear of another accident or emergency, I have nightmares and my emotions are all over the place.

One moment I'm angry and wanting to blame someone... there isn't anyone to blame, that's why accidents are called accidents. One moment I'm terrified to let my children out of my sight. Another time I'm so sad for the pain they've gone through. And then I just feel an overwhelming heartbreak... I'm Mama and I couldn't prevent it or fix it. I couldn't protect my babies.

Three months and four days... and the healing journey is still only just beginning.

Knowing Your Limitations

I have had a recent epiphany. After several months of stress and many unexpected changes, I've found myself in the position of finally needing to slow myself down.

As someone who struggles with severe anxiety, as well as chronic pain and arthritis, I find myself having days that are truly a struggle to get through.  I find myself struggling to get showered and changed for the day, struggling to keep up with two toddlers and seven other kids who all need something different from me.

The simplest tasks keep me busy, I struggle to get everything done that I feel I need to get done. When it hurts to walk because your body is basically attacking itself or your chest is hurting and you can barely breathe due to being anxious or stressed, the effects can be completely crippling.

I miss feeling like a normal person, I miss being able to do whatever I wanted or needed to do without feeling like my own body hates me and is imploding on itself. When I feel as though I'm ready to jump out of my own skin because I can't get the pain to stop - there aren't enough words to describe the level of frustration I feel.

Yes, folks, this post is about me and all about me. I'm having a bad pain day and I don't like it. I'm tired of being tired all the time, I'm tired of being frustrated or feeling pretty useless.

I've found myself agreeing to things that I ended up stressing myself and my body out over. I've found myself angry with myself and the situation.

No one with anxiety OR chronic pain wants to feel like this. None of us want to be a burden on our spouses,  partners or friends. We don't like asking for help and we don't like not being able to do simple things asked of us. But a lot of us eventually realize that, sometimes, despite our best efforts and intentions, we DO have limitations.

The struggle with anxiety is real. The struggle with chronic pain is real. I'm not crazy and neither is anyone else struggling with anxiety or chronic pain, or, in many cases, both. 

Please don't tell me to just suck it up and deal or to just get over it. Believe me, if it were that simple,  I'd have already done so. I have 9 very active children, a husband, a home, work, friends and family. I don't have time to  be sick or tired. I don't have time to hurt.

But, there it is. I still hurt, I still have severe anxiety, and I have to make the time to deal with the worst of days. 

I might spend weeks with no pain or anxiety and then it hits out if nowhere, much like I imagine getting hit by a freight train would.  I might start the day just fine and then in the middle of the day or an errand or chore, find myself out of energy, in pain or having severe chest pain and find myself out of breath.

This isn't something I chose or wanted. I work with my doctors to find solutions, but often find myself with no answers or trying, yet again, another medicine or supplement.

I just have to continue the struggle and keep moving forward. Life is happening at warp speed, but I want to participate as much as possible.

Foodstamps Doesn't Mean Lazy

Just because someone receives foodstamps doesn't mean that they don't work or that they're lazy. I wish people would stop with the ignorant assumptions. 

There are huge amounts of people who receive foodstamps who DO work. Many of them are in the class that most people forget about "the working poor."  With the high costs of living in most areas and the lack of decent paying jobs, it's almost impossible for many people to live without some type of assistance. No matter how much they work. 

There are then those who DON'T qualify for foodstamps that make a "liveable" wage but they have to pay higher costs to get medical covzerage or pay for medicines.

Some people have to pay high payments on a not worth it car, just to be able to get to that low paying job to be able to survive. And then they have huge costs to be able to have medical coverage or insurance or to pay for their medications.

It drives me crazy that people assume people who receive food stamps don't work. Most of the time, that's simply not the case.

Many people are living paycheck to paycheck and are one paycheck (or lack thereof) away from homelessness. People become homeless for a variety of reasons... for some, it could be that an unexpected vehicle repair takes all the money in the household.

You can't leave the vehicle not running because you have to be able to get to and from work to keep your income. If you lose transportation, you could lose your job, many do. A high utility bill can take away a family's grocery money for an entire month.

Most people that get foodstamps are either disabled or working-class people simply trying to get by.

If people want to solve the foodstamp problem and fix the government budget,  change the extremely high costs for basic medical care. Make childcare accessible and affordable. Make the costs of living lower.

This isn't a foodstamp program issue. It's an economy and basic living issue. Everyone has a basic human right to have clean water, food, a shelter over their heads, access to medical and dental care. Until these problems are fixed, then the problems will persist.

As with any system, there will be those who will attempt to abuse it or commit fraud. They're not the majority though. Cutting essential programs to deter a few will hurt the ones who really need the help.

Family Monopoly Fued

https://youtu.be/ujvUR1jGcUg

Watch For My Second Book... Coming Soon!

I have been a horrible blogger lately. I know I have. I think that sometimes, we let life get in the way of living life or of doing those things that we enjoy. I'm also horribly behind on my second book right now. I have been slowly working on it here and there, but just now finally getting truly motivated to get it finished. My second book is called "Finding Your Place in Life," I am hoping to have it completed by the end of the first week of March. 

It's been a long time coming, considering I started working on both of my book manuscripts a long time ago. But, I wanted to make sure that I said what I wanted to say and that I expressed myself appropriately. It takes a lot of time and effort to write, especially when one has to go back and edit and re-edit or delete entire paragraphs, just to get one point across the right way. I'm not so certain that I've managed to do this correctly, but, I'm a work in progress, and so is my writing.

Rough Beginnings to 2015

As 2015 gets off to a start, it's already shaping up to be a rocky few months... here's my thought process right now.

Men, if you don't want kids or to be a father, wrap up your "toy." You don't earn man points or respect simply because you can impregnate someone or have multiple kids by different women. A real MAN will help support his children financially and will be involved in his children's lives.

I never wanted to be a single parent. It's really difficult to try to be in the role of both mom AND dad. But, I do my best. At the end of the day, my kids will respect that and appreciate it. I will teach my daughters to be self sufficient and to depend on only themselves, don't expect or trust a man to do it for you. I will teach ALL of my children the importance of financial and relationship stability before having children. And I will teach my sons to be decent men, to know the importance of truth and monogamy... and for pete's sake, not to be assholes!

There you have it. I didn't want or ask to be a single Mom... BUT, I have this handled and I will takr care of my kids. I will be Mom and Dad both. So, carry on, everyone... just thought I'd throw that out there! ‪#‎igotthis‬ ‪#‎singlemom‬‪#‎deadbeats‬ ‪#‎lovemykids‬

Making Do With Less

We live in a society that seems to be largely focused on monetary wealth and material things. Too often, we focus so much on earning money and trying to get "ahead" that we don't realize that we're spending our time on making and spending money, rather than spending that time doing things we actually enjoy or with our loved ones. If you have to ask yourself if you are too focused on acquiring wealth and material things, chances are, you are.

Instead of worrying about what you don't have or trying so hard to acquire that which you do not have, try being thankful for what you do have and asking yourself if that which you are striving for is really something you NEED. Can you make do with less? Can you make do without that which you are working so hard to acquire? There are a few basic necessities in life - food, clothing, shelter, transportation... These do not have to be elaborate, name-brand or "fancy. " We only need that which sustains us and allows us to live in reasonable comfort.

Anything else besides things we "need" and keepsakes, is just extra "fluff." Trust me, we could all probably get by with a lot less than what we do.. unless you are already homeless or destitute, you probably have unneccessary items and unneccessary expenses. When the tornado took out my life as I knew it last year, my kids and I had our lives turned completely upside down, but we also began to look at it as a blessing in disguise, because we needed to downsize and de-clutter our home and our life.

My point is, making do with less isn't about living "poor" or being poor... it's about being happy with what you have in the true context of what it is. Focus your life on other people and being happy, not how much you can make, spend or acquire.

BUY MY NEW BOOK HERE!!!!

Intentional Living and Tiny Houses

I'm feeling a bit out of sorts lately, so I haven't spent much time writing at all. First, I've been, quite literally, sick and tired. Between a massive headache that never quite seems to go away, and a fever and chills that keeps coming back, I have just felt awful.

All that aside. I still have to work, so when I wasn't running a fever, I was still trying to work. Yup. Didn't work as well as I had hoped. Im still behind on work, totally lost focus on my writing and I'm still not feeling well. Yuck.

But enough of my complaining... I've been pondering a few things for awhile now and I'm not exactly sure where they tie in to any of my goals or hopes, dreams or even my basic ideals. We all know that I am one to discuss positivity, optimism and making a positive mark on the world.

 But what about intentional living? That is, living with positive intent and purpose. Are we each doing so? Somehow, I doubt that we are. In a world filled with a focus on money, acquiring wealth and material things, we lose sight of what is important and that which we really desire. Which brings me to the other subject in my title - tiny houses - what would that be like? To have the space you NEED to live and shelter yourself and your family, with no waste of space or possessions?

Iam doing research on tiny houses and alternate forms of housing. I don't know why, but I feel like this is something I'd like to know more about, even if I don't ever so something like that. That, and homesteading... I'm curious about how simply life could be lived, and inexpensively, while still maintaining a good quality of life without all of the trappings of material things that society seems to expect of us. I'll keep you posted... This looks to be the start of an interesting journey...

ChatAbout: A Fun Place to Hang Out

I joined ChatAbout several months ago, then proceeded to not really do much of anything on there until recently. I have been absolutely amazed at how much fun ChatAbout is! ChatAbout has a great administration team, they pay rewards out very quickly and it's really great getting to know other members and see everyone else's viewpoints on everyday topics.

In case you don't know what ChatAbout is, it is a website in which you earn points for chatting, posting articles and reviews, commenting on news articles and pictures, taking surveys, etc. There are even sections to listen to music or watch videos to earn points. I'm sure that I'm forgetting a few other features or sections, but you really should check it out.

Since I joined ChatAbout and began participating, I have been pleasantly surprised to  find that there is plenty to do to keep you busy on the site, interested and engaged with it, and the points add up pretty quickly. I would recommend ChatAbout not only for earning the points - which is more like a bonus for me - but also for the participation in a friendly and positive online community.

At ChatAbout, there's quite literally, something for everyone. Almost everyone there is nice and friendly, discussions stay friendly and if something unsuitable pops up, admins handle it right away. If you want to earn a little bit of points for cash or prizes, make new friends and discuss topics that interest you, then ChatAbout is the place to be.

CHECK IT OUT

Insomnia Strikes Again

I stayed up way too late last night. Actually, it was 2:30AM whenever I finally went to bed. I have no idea why I feel the need to do things like that, because all it does is make me tired. Then, because I slept in this morning because of being up too late last night, I ended up not getting as much done as I had planned on doing.

I am planning on going to bed early tonight. I have to work tomorrow and need to be at full capacity and at full energy to deal with my patients and get everything done that I need to, especially since tomorrow is Friday. I don't know why I do things that make me tired, especially whenever I know better.

Ending a Long Day

So I had a long day today. Complete craziness. I didn't even work all that hard at my job, but between the heat outside and being in and out of air conditioning and my hot vehicle, I am just completely drained.

I came home between clients today and pit pork chops and brown gravy into the crock pot, now Im making mashed potatoes and Brussels sprouts to go with the pork chops. An easy enough dinner and something that I know everyone will eat. I better start brushing up on my menu and shopping plans and getting things situated, so that I can keep meals on the table at normal times once school starts back up.

  I don't know why I get so tired so easily lately, I guess that's just part of not being as young anymore and also part of my children getting a little bit older. Then, between work, school and raising kids who are in school, while also trying to maintain a household, I feel like I just never have enough time to get things done. Ah, such is life.

 Have a great evening everyone!

Goodnight World

Well, it's been a crazy few days. Between an impromptu road trip to go and get my daughter from her dad's house 700 miles away, driving back, trying to catch some sleep, settle my daughter back in and then work, I'm completely exhausted. I spent this evening trying to catch up on some writing and I've ended up sitting here far longer than I intended. I'm going to be very tired tomorrow.

So, since I'm already up past the time I probably should have been and I DO have to work tomorrow, I guess I had better go to bed. I still feel like I haven't gotten as much accomplished as I wanted to, but I'm going to work on my schedule and routine tomorrow and see what I can get done. If I go to bed as soon as I finish this post, I should get enough sleep to get me through tomorrow.

Goodnight World, Goodnight Everyone! Sweet dreams. And remember, tomorrow is another day, another chance. Always keep hope and live with light and love.

Reach for Your Goals

If you have nothing to strive for, then you have no goals or hopes for your life. If you have no goals or hopes, then what is the purpose of existence? We all have a purpose and destination in our lives, even when we may not realize what exactly that is. Sometimes, people never figure out what exactly their purpose for being is or was, but they have made a large impact in ways that they could never even begin to understand.

We are all here for a reason. Every challenge we face, happens for a reason. There's no other way to look at life and the challenges in life that we face. If we simply believe that things just happen and that we're just sitting here wandering aimlessly in the world, then we have no motivation or hope of ever reaching our goals, finding our hopes and dreams. This would make our lives pointless. And who wants to live a pointless life?

Every day that we live is another chance to get it right, another chance to do something to make a difference in our own lives and that of another. We come across all sorts of people in our daily lives that may be struggling with the same things that we are, sometimes struggling with things that we couldn't even begin to fathom... It's amazing how the little things can make an impact on another person. We are each where we are when we are supposed to be.

And in context of all of this, I urge you to reach for your goals. Keep reach and keep moving towards them, but never forget compassion or understanding for others. Keep hoping and dreaming, but make sure you spread the hope around and share it with others. Reaching for our goals shouldn't be a purely selfish undertaking, it needs to be done in such a way that we still live with compassion, empathy and that we still connect with others. 

People Suck Sometimes

You know, I don't understand what is wrong with people. I don't get why some people have to be so mean to other people or why they feel the need to be hateful or rude to those they supposedly love. Even if you don't particularly like someone, there's never an excuse to throw negativity out at them. If they are truly a bad person or have done something wrong, I really believe that Karma will come back and bite them in the ass, so why waste energy on negativity towards that person?

I really wish people wouldn't toss out negativity at others, especially when it's done as a defense mechanism to keep someone at a distance from them or as a way to hurt them before they themselves get hurt. I really wish that people could just learn to be nice and learn to treat others BETTER than they themselves would want to be treated. I get so tired of people who are constantly in a negative mind-set or who constantly throw out negativity at others.

Am I the only person who feels like this?

Tips for Keeping Your Sanity in Daily Life

Insanity happens. Yup. Truly. There's simply no way to avoid insanity or chaos as long as you are alive. Our daily lives are unpredictable and anything can happen in a single moment. This is why it's important to do your best to keep yourself sane and as un-stressed as possible when dealing with daily life. If you go through your daily life feeling crazy and being stressed, you're going to wind up having a mental collapse or barely surviving unexpected life events.

It's absolutely important to your sanity to take care of yourself first and foremost. I know that might sound selfish to some people, but you will be absolutely no good for anyone else or in a situation that requires you to be strong if you aren't eating correctly, getting enough sleep or exercising regularly. If you don't take care of you, then you can't take care of anyone else - even when it's needed. So, take good care of your body, it's the only one you've got or will ever have. Treat your body like the complex machine it is and give it the proper respect and care that it deserves.

Another way to keep your sanity in daily life is to make sure that you have a solid support system. Whether it's family members, close friends or even a counselor or support group - it's absolutely essential that you give yourself a safe place to vent, get advice or have someone you can bounce ideas off of. Knowing that you are accepted and loved can go a long way towards maintaining your sanity and stress levels in moments of insanity or chaos. If you don't have this support system, I strongly suggest that you seek one out... even an online support group is better than no support system at all.

I think that you should make time to pursue things you enjoy - hobbies such as reading, writing, sewing, singing, fishing, etc... just whatever it is that you enjoy. Give yourself permission to take a break from "real life" and pursue those things that make you happy. Give yourself an outlet for creativity and relaxation. If you constantly feel as though you don't have time for things you enjoy, then it's definitely time to make time for those things. Even if it's only fifteen minutes a day, give yourself time for hobbies.

Managing stress and keeping your sanity in daily life isn't always easy, but it's definitely possible. And it's probably a lot easier than you think. Just make sure to give yourself time to breath and don't beat yourself up for the things you don't manage to get done or the things you think you "should" do. Just take things one day at a time and tackle one obstacle and one crisis at a time. Your sanity will thank you for it.

Confusion Reigns Supreme

Yep. I've decided that confusion is an inevitable part of life. Especially when it comes to interpersonal relationships and choosing your own personal path in life. What does one do whenever they are faced with numerous choices and potential paths and each outcome would be drastically different than another? Usually, I recommend that you sit down and write lists of pros and cons for each potential choice you could make.

However, sometimes this simply isn't enough. Especially when deep emotions are involved - the kind of emotions that one can't get over or get around, the kind of emotions that you can't push to the back while you make a decision. So what does one do whenever they are faced with this kind of choice? Honestly, I have no idea whatsoever. If you're facing two different choices and both carry such strong emotions that you can't make a decision, what's the deciding factor? I don't know that either.

When you feel like you're stuck in mud and just spinning your wheels, it's hard to know what to do. When the idea of making a choice sends you spinning and you feel as though you're free-falling into a never-ending abyss, what do you do? I wish I had the answers. All I know is that it happens in life, situations where we are faced with choices so drastic that either choice would change everything and then you are faced with trying to decide and simply don't know which direction to take, all because you can't get past emotions.

I'm a fairly logical person. Most of the time. I tend to analyze and even OVER analyze everything, but this time, analyzing things isn't helping. If anything, my logic and analytical skills are failing me. I think they may be making it worse. There are decisions I need to make, each choice I am facing carries such strong emotions with them that I can't see past the emotions of the decisions needing to be made. I feel like I'm stuck in quick-sand and simply unable to move. Paralyzed. Out of breath. Waiting.

But what am I waiting for? Maybe some sort of sign or signal as to which direction I should go? Maybe for something or someone to give me a clue about where I need to go and be? Maybe I should do nothing? Maybe I am just so confused and so emotional that I can't see my way around the choices before me, I know I have to make some decisions... I just don't know how to go about it.

For the first time in my life, I'm feeling more out of control and confused than I recall ever feeling. I HATE feeling so damn helpless and confused. I'm stronger than this. Now, if I can just figure it out......

Rants and Raves... And Why Ex's Usually Can't Be Friends

Yep. Divorce or splitting up with a partner isn't easy. Usually, it's extremely volatile, especially if children are involved. Even if you can manage to split with your partner relatively amicably, with little conflict, it's inevitable, if you have children, that there will eventually be a conflict. It's usually true that, at some point or another, your feelings in a relationship will change - from like or love to dislike or hate. If those feelings stay, then divorce or breaking up is inevitable.

But, back to my main point. Exes cannot usually be friends. Even when you plan on co-parenting and even if you intend on an amicable relationship with your ex, it's almost impossible to do so without any type of conflict when you have kids. We are all very different individuals. And, even if ending a relationship is amicable or even friendly, it's difficult to maintain that whenever differences or conflicts arise when you are raising children with someone you are no longer in a relationship with.

Sometimes, there are unresolved feelings or unresolved conflicts concerning the former marriage or relationship. This can spill over into conflicts when it comes to disagreements concerning the children. It's really easy to bring up past episodes of disagreements or actions of the other party when you are disagreeing about how to deal with situations concerning children, especially if the relationship was volatile or ended on a bitter note.

After being married and divorced three times and trying to co-parent with all three of my ex-husbands, I'm here to tell you that, despite being civil and attempting to co-parent, my exes and I are not friends. While we can be friendly for the sake of the children and we are usually successful at being civil, occasionally conflicts arise in which disagreements or conversations get volatile. I think this is more normal than exes truly being friends.

Mind you, I'm not saying that exes cannot be friends or that it's impossible, I'm just saying that it's simply not likely and not very common. I would suggest, if you are divorcing or are divorced, aim for being civil, try to mind your own business when it comes to your ex's life and don't volunteer excessive information about your own life to your ex. Exes are exes for a reason. Keep that in mind.