Removing Toxic People From Your Life

Life is hard. Even when things are going pretty good, there will be occasional struggles or obstacles in your way. This is especially true if you've already dealt with any type of hardship in your life. If you're like me, and you've gone through multiple struggles in your life - mental, emotional, abusive relationships, poverty, homelessness, physical, etc - then dealing with basic, everyday life can sometimes feel like a struggle.

This is why it's important to have a solid support system in place - whether you have good family and friends, a counselor and/or support group, online support groups, etc - everyone needs a support system. We all need people in our lives, even those of us who might claim to be "anti-social" or those who have "social anxiety." But what we don't need in our lives is toxic people and situations.

If you have someone in your life who is toxic, if they bring more drama than you care to deal with, if they mentally or emotionally drain you.. it's time to remove them from your life. Toxic people have no positive purpose in our lives and they have no place in our lives. We cannot grow and thrive if we are surrounded by toxic people or situations.

Beware the person who is "just being honest" and proceeds to tell you things that hurt you, your emotional and mental well-being... honesty is not an excuse for rudeness and true honesty is never cruel or hurtful. Beware those who will say they want what is best for you, but then will encourage situations or habits that will harm you. Don't allow someone to cause you to doubt yourself or question your abilities to make your own choices or reach your goals.

There are many out there who will claim to love and care about you - whether a family member, a friend, a romantic partner, etc... those who truly care about you will actually want what is best for you, without attempting to control you, tell you what to do, manipulate you, bring further stress and chaos to your life or treat you disrespectfully.

When it comes to removing toxic people from your life...  many times, you can do this without any type of confrontation. Simply cease all contact and avoid them - you'd be surprised how many people will simply let things go without a fight. In other cases, a very calm and direct "I'm ceasing contact because this situation/relationship is toxic for me" is given to the other person, then simply do not respond or make contact again.

Remember, you owe no one an explanation. And even if you explain yourself to someone who is toxic a million times, there are going to be those who will never accept or acknowledge your explanation as truth. There are even going to be those who argue with you and may fight to try to stay in your life. Don't allow them to.

It may require a court order or contacting the police and notifying them of the toxic individual's harassment and continued contact after you've asked them not to contact them again. You may be able to get away with simply blocking the individual and never hear from them again. If someone is being toxic in your life and you want to remove them - do so by whatever means necessary, you do not have to allow them to steal another moment of your peace and happiness.

We all have the right to have supportive, nonjudgmental people in our lives, we have the right to make decisions for ourselves without someone attempting to manipulate or control us. No one needs an energy or emotional vampire sucking them dry. Drop the toxic people and situations and watch your life become full of light and love again.

Make sure your circle is full of people who truly love and support you and want what is best for you. Say NO to negativity and toxicity, and don't look back. We all should live our lives as if they're too short-  because they are - and life is too short to live with toxic people and situations.

Confusion Reigns Supreme

Yep. I've decided that confusion is an inevitable part of life. Especially when it comes to interpersonal relationships and choosing your own personal path in life. What does one do whenever they are faced with numerous choices and potential paths and each outcome would be drastically different than another? Usually, I recommend that you sit down and write lists of pros and cons for each potential choice you could make.

However, sometimes this simply isn't enough. Especially when deep emotions are involved - the kind of emotions that one can't get over or get around, the kind of emotions that you can't push to the back while you make a decision. So what does one do whenever they are faced with this kind of choice? Honestly, I have no idea whatsoever. If you're facing two different choices and both carry such strong emotions that you can't make a decision, what's the deciding factor? I don't know that either.

When you feel like you're stuck in mud and just spinning your wheels, it's hard to know what to do. When the idea of making a choice sends you spinning and you feel as though you're free-falling into a never-ending abyss, what do you do? I wish I had the answers. All I know is that it happens in life, situations where we are faced with choices so drastic that either choice would change everything and then you are faced with trying to decide and simply don't know which direction to take, all because you can't get past emotions.

I'm a fairly logical person. Most of the time. I tend to analyze and even OVER analyze everything, but this time, analyzing things isn't helping. If anything, my logic and analytical skills are failing me. I think they may be making it worse. There are decisions I need to make, each choice I am facing carries such strong emotions with them that I can't see past the emotions of the decisions needing to be made. I feel like I'm stuck in quick-sand and simply unable to move. Paralyzed. Out of breath. Waiting.

But what am I waiting for? Maybe some sort of sign or signal as to which direction I should go? Maybe for something or someone to give me a clue about where I need to go and be? Maybe I should do nothing? Maybe I am just so confused and so emotional that I can't see my way around the choices before me, I know I have to make some decisions... I just don't know how to go about it.

For the first time in my life, I'm feeling more out of control and confused than I recall ever feeling. I HATE feeling so damn helpless and confused. I'm stronger than this. Now, if I can just figure it out......

Rants and Raves... And Why Ex's Usually Can't Be Friends

Yep. Divorce or splitting up with a partner isn't easy. Usually, it's extremely volatile, especially if children are involved. Even if you can manage to split with your partner relatively amicably, with little conflict, it's inevitable, if you have children, that there will eventually be a conflict. It's usually true that, at some point or another, your feelings in a relationship will change - from like or love to dislike or hate. If those feelings stay, then divorce or breaking up is inevitable.

But, back to my main point. Exes cannot usually be friends. Even when you plan on co-parenting and even if you intend on an amicable relationship with your ex, it's almost impossible to do so without any type of conflict when you have kids. We are all very different individuals. And, even if ending a relationship is amicable or even friendly, it's difficult to maintain that whenever differences or conflicts arise when you are raising children with someone you are no longer in a relationship with.

Sometimes, there are unresolved feelings or unresolved conflicts concerning the former marriage or relationship. This can spill over into conflicts when it comes to disagreements concerning the children. It's really easy to bring up past episodes of disagreements or actions of the other party when you are disagreeing about how to deal with situations concerning children, especially if the relationship was volatile or ended on a bitter note.

After being married and divorced three times and trying to co-parent with all three of my ex-husbands, I'm here to tell you that, despite being civil and attempting to co-parent, my exes and I are not friends. While we can be friendly for the sake of the children and we are usually successful at being civil, occasionally conflicts arise in which disagreements or conversations get volatile. I think this is more normal than exes truly being friends.

Mind you, I'm not saying that exes cannot be friends or that it's impossible, I'm just saying that it's simply not likely and not very common. I would suggest, if you are divorcing or are divorced, aim for being civil, try to mind your own business when it comes to your ex's life and don't volunteer excessive information about your own life to your ex. Exes are exes for a reason. Keep that in mind.