Finally Writing Again

After a very long time of not being able to even properly write a grocery list, let alone a journal entry or a blog post... I'm finally writing again.

It's been so long since I haven't felt "blocked" from my ability to write even felt any motivation to write, that I almost forgot how satisfying it is to put my thoughts or feelings into writing.

It hit the point recently, where I simply couldn't find the words to express what I was feeling... So I decided to draw whatever came to mind.

Those drawings were terrible from a quality or ability level... And they had really dark undertones (due to depression, anxiety, PTSD and years of trauma and insecurity), but the point is... I was able to express my thoughts and feelings.

That was last night.

Today, I posted a post on each of my blogs and then proceeded to start working on my second book manuscript again - which had been sitting untouched for over 4 years.

I finally am at peace about a lot of things in my life. And now I'm ready to move forward. Which includes writing again.

I can't wait to see where this new journey takes me!

Reach for Your Goals

If you have nothing to strive for, then you have no goals or hopes for your life. If you have no goals or hopes, then what is the purpose of existence? We all have a purpose and destination in our lives, even when we may not realize what exactly that is. Sometimes, people never figure out what exactly their purpose for being is or was, but they have made a large impact in ways that they could never even begin to understand.

We are all here for a reason. Every challenge we face, happens for a reason. There's no other way to look at life and the challenges in life that we face. If we simply believe that things just happen and that we're just sitting here wandering aimlessly in the world, then we have no motivation or hope of ever reaching our goals, finding our hopes and dreams. This would make our lives pointless. And who wants to live a pointless life?

Every day that we live is another chance to get it right, another chance to do something to make a difference in our own lives and that of another. We come across all sorts of people in our daily lives that may be struggling with the same things that we are, sometimes struggling with things that we couldn't even begin to fathom... It's amazing how the little things can make an impact on another person. We are each where we are when we are supposed to be.

And in context of all of this, I urge you to reach for your goals. Keep reach and keep moving towards them, but never forget compassion or understanding for others. Keep hoping and dreaming, but make sure you spread the hope around and share it with others. Reaching for our goals shouldn't be a purely selfish undertaking, it needs to be done in such a way that we still live with compassion, empathy and that we still connect with others. 

New Beginnings, Again.

So my three littlest ones started a new daycare today. I'm not sure how I feel about it. We have used daycare before, but it hasn't been a constant in our/their lives. It was so hard to leave my 3 year old when he begged me not to leave him there.

 I'm on break at work now and counting down the hours until I can go get my little ones. I miss them terribly when they aren't with me. And, of course, leaving them in someone else's care is scary and a bit nervewracking too.

 I know it's a necessity at this point in time, and we have to adapt to this new change, but no one said I have to like it. And I don't, not one little bit. I guess it's not a matter of having to like it or not, but more a point of acceptance and making the best of a not so great situation.

If someone had told me fourteen years ago that I would have this many children, that I'd be a single mom to four children and that I would be going to school, working and have my four youngest kids in daycare, I'd have probably slapped them and called them a liar.

But, now, it's just another new beginning and life is full of new beginnings that we either learn to accept or that we let get the best of us. I choose to make a new beginning and thrive. My children will too. 

Chances or Choices?

Are you where you are in your life due to chances or choices? If you have to stop and think too hard about the answer to this question, perhaps you are not ready to live a life of authenticity with light and love. I'm not intending to sound harsh or as if I know everything, because I certainly don't know everything, but there is a certain level of self-awareness and self-honesty that is required to admit that a lot of things in our lives is due to choices of our own making.

When we can stop and be truly honest with ourselves and admit that we've made some not-so-great, even BAD, choices, then we can stop blaming chance and blaming others for our problems and the struggles in our lives and move forward. There is a certain amount of chance in life, chance can sometimes cause some degree of difficulty in our lives. But when it comes to chance, even when we cannot control our circumstances, we still can control our reactions or choices that result from chance events.

So, are you living a life of chance or choice? Do you feel like your life is beyond your own control? Or are you in control of your circumstances? When something happens that is beyond your control, do you make choices or do you simply throw your hands up and say "there's nothing I can do" and just let things happen? I beg of you, choose to live a life of choice. Allow no one and nothing to control you or your life, don't sit and wait for things to change, make the choice to change things yourself. And keep moving. 

It's All UP From Here!

Wow, this has been a crazy few years. Starting in 2010, when my marriage began to crumble right after my youngest child was born, then meeting my new love, whom I've now been with for 3 years, to starting college and now being a year away from graduating with my Associate's degree in Psychology, it's been a rough ride. Finally, last year, the May 20th tornado of Moore, Oklahoma took out our life as we knew it. Then, a month ago, my boyfriend had a massive heart attack.

I had an epiphany this morning. Even when life is at it's lowest point and even when you seemingly can't go anywhere, the only option becomes to move forward and go up from there. So, even though I've been down for the last few years, it's all UP from here. Our life path is our choice, we CHOOSE the direction we move in. Starting today, I'm choosing to go forward and up.

While I haven't been writing much the last several months (obviously, I've been horrible at keeping a blog!), I am now more motivated than ever to start writing again and KEEP writing. For me, writing is an outlet, but it also allows me to connect with others on a deeper level. Find something that's important to you and make it a priority in your life. Family and friends are a given as to what should be a priority in your life.... I'm talking about other things that are important to you.

Find your own path, choose to move forward and realize, it's all up from here. Seriously. When you get down to a certain level, the only choice is to go back up. 

Thoughts on Negativity

Negativity is one of the many pitfalls of life. Too often, we allow that negativity to consume us and ruin our day, we find ourselves dwelling on the negatives and forget all about anything that might actually be positive. I'm here to remind you that it doesn't have to be that way. If you find yourself dwelling on the negative, you'll find yourself living in a bubble of darkness, you'll find that you have no enjoyment in life.

Focusing on the positive will balance out the negativity in your life, it can even help to minimize it. All you need to do is simply find one thing each morning to be thankful for in your life. If you can find one positive thing to focus on, then this helps to keep negativity at bay and you won't drown in the waves of negativity.

Negativity will always be there, it's a natural part of life, but you needn't feel like that is all there is in your life. Simply choose to focus on the positive and you will find that life doesn't seem as full of negativity. Find a life that makes you happy, find something that you can be happy about, that you can be thankful for. Please find something good about the present, the here and now and let go of negativity. You will find, as you focus on more positivity, that the negative begins to disappear or not seem so daunting and you will find peace.

Book Update #3

Well, after a very stressful semester with school and struggling to juggle kids, home, schoolwork and writing, I didn't get nearly as much accomplished on either of my manuscripts as I would have liked. I've discovered something important - writing a book is no easy task! And I was very unrealistic to have set some of the goals I have for getting my books published.

That being said, even my blog posts have suffered. I would begin them, save the drafts and then simply forget to go back and edit and publish. SO. First things first. I might have my first book published sometime in March 2014. The other one is nowhere close to finished, so it will simply have to wait. I think a more realistic goal is to simply maintain my grades in school this semester and to make sure I write at least two blog posts per week and perhaps try for publishing on each of the writing sites I write for at least once a week.

In the meantime, working on a chapter a week for each book is probably a bit more of a realistic goal. I will let you all know how that works out. As you all know, sometimes, life gets in the way of life, despite our best intentions. 

On Birthdays and Such

So, today is my thirty-first birthday.

I was almost a little bummed about it, but, realized that really, it doesn't matter. We all get older and there's no point in getting depressed about it.  Life is what we make it. The life we get, the more we learn - hopefully - and the more enjoyment we get out of life.

I would like to think that the lessons I have learned have made me stronger and made me a better person. Anyway, I'm wondering now... what will the next thirty-none years of my life bring?

Book Update # 2

Making progress with my first manuscript, but it's slow-going as I go back to do some basic editing and proof-reading. I am a little frustrated. Maybe the frustration will pass and I will honestly feel as though I am making progress soon.

I think I am a bit overwhelmed with life right now and have set some unrealistic goals. Only time will tell. I guess I am being a bit hard on myself. And of course, no one is a worse critic to ourselves than we are. I often wonder if anyone is even remotely interested in anything I could have to say. That's probably due to my own insecurity.

Life is funny like that. We spend a large part of our lives semi-afraid to move forward due to fearing mistakes or criticism. I think that what I am doing is good and I think that the book I am currently working on will actually be helpful to SOMEONE out there, but I hate potentially facing rejection.

But, onward I go and I WILL publish this book, because it's a goal I've set for myself that I am GOING to finish! :)

It's Monday Again

Well, Good Morning Everyone, it's Monday again. Why does everyone seem to hate Monday so much? Is it due to (typically) it being the first day of a work week? Is it because most of us hate going back to work after relaxing for 2 days? What is it about Mondays that just tend to make people cringe?

Regardless, today is Monday. The kids and I have stuff to get done, but we aren't overwhelmed with an excessive amount of activity. Just some grocery shopping and a doctor's appointment for my 8 year old son. We may meet up with an old friend we haven't seen in a few years, that would be nice. I really hate losing touch with those I love.

So, as I journey through today, I will keep in mind a quote I read last night;
“Hope is the thing with feathers
That perches in the soul
And sings the tune without the words
And never stops at all.”
― Emily Dickinson

With this in mind, I offer to all of you the gift of hope today. Hope that your day goes well, hope that whatever difficult thing it is that you're struggling with will be resolved, hope that you feel hope in yourself and your future as you travel along today's path.

Happy Monday Everyone!