On Life and Words

I have had a recent epiphany. After several months of stress and many unexpected changes, I've found myself in the position of finally needing to slow myself down. As someone who struggles with severe anxiety, as well as chronic pain and arthritis, I find myself having days that are truly a struggle to get through.  I find myself struggling to get showered and changed for the day, struggling to keep up with two toddlers and seven other kids who all need something different from me. The simplest tasks keep me busy, I struggle to get everything done that I feel I need to get done. When it hurts to walk because your body is basically attacking itself or your chest is hurting and you can barely breathe due to being anxious or stressed, the effects can be completely crippling. I miss feeling like a normal person, I miss being able to do whatever I wanted or needed to do without feeling like my own body hates me and is imploding on itself. When I feel as though I'm ready to jump o...

As 2015 gets off to a start, it's already shaping up to be a rocky few months... here's my thought process right now. Men, if you don't want kids or to be a father, wrap up your "toy." You don't earn man points or respect simply because you can impregnate someone or have multiple kids by different women. A real MAN will help support his children financially and will be involved in his children's lives. I never wanted to be a single parent. It's really difficult to try to b e in the role of both mom AND dad. But, I do my best. At the end of the day, my kids will respect that and appreciate it. I will teach my daughters to be self sufficient and to depend on only themselves, don't expect or trust a man to do it for you. I will teach ALL of my children the importance of financial and relationship stability before having children. And I will teach my sons to be decent men, to know the importance of truth and monogamy... and for pete's sake, n...

I went to the college bookstore today and got my textbooks for this semester. All I wanna know is WHY are they so freaking expensive? I just don't understand why college books are so expensive. I mean, honestly. A couple hundred dollars for a brand-new PAPERBACK textbook, and only $20-$30 cheaper for a USED version. I don't understand that. And, then, of course, when you go to sell the books back or resell them, you only get a quarter of what you paid for them, if that. Honestly, with college tuition and the cost of getting a higher education being so high, I really feel like college textbooks should be included with one's tuition. I just don't get why exactly the books are so expensive. I get that they are for further education and for learning, but that shouldn't make them THAT ridiculously expensive or high priced. That's just not right.  I wish there were ways around the high cost of college textbooks. Because, even though one can get financial aid in...

I stayed up way too late last night. Actually, it was 2:30AM whenever I finally went to bed. I have no idea why I feel the need to do things like that, because all it does is make me tired. Then, because I slept in this morning because of being up too late last night, I ended up not getting as much done as I had planned on doing. I am planning on going to bed early tonight. I have to work tomorrow and need to be at full capacity and at full energy to deal with my patients and get everything done that I need to, especially since tomorrow is Friday. I don't know why I do things that make me tired, especially whenever I know better.

So I had a long day today. Complete craziness. I didn't even work all that hard at my job, but between the heat outside and being in and out of air conditioning and my hot vehicle, I am just completely drained. I came home between clients today and pit pork chops and brown gravy into the crock pot, now Im making mashed potatoes and Brussels sprouts to go with the pork chops. An easy enough dinner and something that I know everyone will eat. I better start brushing up on my menu and shopping plans and getting things situated, so that I can keep meals on the table at normal times once school starts back up.   I don't know why I get so tired so easily lately, I guess that's just part of not being as young anymore and also part of my children getting a little bit older. Then, between work, school and raising kids who are in school, while also trying to maintain a household, I feel like I just never have enough time to get things done. Ah, such is life.  Have a grea...

I hope each and every one of you had a good night's rest and that you are ready to face the day with positivity and energy. I am sort of dragging along today, but that's primarily because I stayed up too late writing last night. I need to keep a better handle on my schedule and try a bit harder to maintain a better routine for myself, so I can be a more effective mother, partner and employee. Not to mention, all the other roles I play in my life. I'm in a weird place right now mentally and emotionally. Not a bad place, just weird. Feeling like everything is a bit surreal right now. I'll explain later. Just thought I'd take a break from work for a second.

Life is funny. One minute you're on the straight and narrow path and you've got a plan, the next you've come upon a giant tree in the road and one side of the road has a cliff on it and the other is water. So what do you do then? Jump off in the water and hope you can swim? Do you dive off the cliff and hope you magically learn how to fly? Or do you try to find a way to go over that tree in the road? What if I told you that, sometimes, it's a combination of the three? Sometimes you have to swim, sometimes you have to fly... other times you have to figure out a way over or through your obstacles. Life is full of changes. Indeed, in a single moment, things can change in the blink of an eye and it can seem that all of your well-made plans evaporate right before your eyes. It's really easy to get discouraged and frustrated when things happen to mess up your plans, especially when it seems like you'll never get out from underneath the current crisis or stress. I...

Well, it's Sunday evening, already! Where do the weekends go? It seems like there's never any downtime. During the week, there's school, the kids' schoolwork, working and just taking care of the household. On weekends, that's when the kids and I get to (hopefully) do something fun and catch up on any extra errands or chores. Seems like we are constantly on the move, even when there's not much that really needs done. Or is that just the way parenthood - especially SINGLE parenthood - goes? I think that being a parent - whether single, with a partner, working, staying at home, etc... it's all hard. The hardest job one will ever have. And it is one of the most under-appreciated or under-recognized jobs that a person can have. The kids and I are always relieved when the weekends come and there doesn't seem to be quite as much to do, yet we never seem to have that down-time that we need and want. :sigh: I don't know about you, but my days are definit...

After a rough first two semester in school, surviving a tornado and then taking a "break" of sorts over the summer, I'm finally a week away from my first day of classes for this semester. I'm going to get my books Tuesday. Let me just say, I'm super-excited! I made some decisions over the summer and have changed my major from Nursing to Psychology. I think it will be a better fit for me career-wise and also just simply for the coursework required. Yep, I admit it, I'm not really scientifically inclined, not on the level necessary to make it through Nursing School. :) All of my classes for this semester are online, due to transportation and child care issues and just for the convenience factor, since my days are so hectic as it is. Which in a way, makes me really happy, because it's a bit less stressful. But also, kind of sad, because I really enjoyed sitting through lectures and getting to know my classmates.  Maybe next semester. Anyway, so I'm...