A Day In My Life With 2 Toddlers

So, if you've followed me for any length of time, you already know I have 9 children... ranging in ages from 19, down to age 2 1/2. I had my first 5 children within 5 years of each other... then spaced out numbers 6 and 7 out over another 5 years. I had baby number 8 when baby number 7 was 5, baby number 9 followed 16 months later. My life is pure insanity sometimes... even the older ones who don't live with me can contribute to this... Mom's life is filled with stress and worry for all of her children.

I absolutely adore all of my children - from the semi-bratty teenagers, all the way down to my littlest miniature dictator toddler. However, they completely exhaust me! The toddlers, that is. With two toddlers in the house - ages 3 and 2, my life is absolutely never boring. They are always getting into things, fussing over the same toy, loudly shouting the words "NO!!" or "MINE!" over things that are most definitely not theirs or over things that they most definitely need to do or not do.

I never imagined "starting over" and having anymore children after I turned 30. But here I am, at the age of 36 (almost 37) with my last two babies being "start-over babies." I don't remember being this exhausted when my older kids were younger, even though there were more of them and they had to have been just as "busy" as these two. Maybe it's because I was younger, perhaps it's selective amnesia. Joking. Maybe?

My days with two toddlers consist of attempting to wake up before they do to make sure they don't get into anything they aren't supposed to, making breakfast - half of which ends up not eaten, bathing and dressing them.Working on potty-training two of them at once, while trying to convince them that they have to wear clothes - walking around nude all the time simply isn't an option! Removing any dangerous objects from their line of sight or reach - which they always seem to immediately gravitate towards!

Then I remove random objects from their mouths, things that they feel the need to taste or try to eat that most definitely aren't food. Definitely a Mom, because I simply hold out my hand and tell them to spit whatever it is out into my hand... no matter what it is, I never bat an eye. Wiping snotty noses, convincing them to wash their hands and to PLEASE stop playing in the toilet! No, you can't take a bath for the 7th time today... the bathtub isn't a swimming pool!

PLEASE, don't bite your brother! Your siblings aren't food! Oh, we're hungry again... oh, I see, you're going to snub something that you simply couldn't get enough of for the last 5 days. SIGH. We're only halfway through the day.

Then we go through futile attempts at a nap-time. Nope. Too bad, Mommy... no naps for us today. Dang. But *I* wanted a nap, My Loves! Uh oh, time to take the toy they're fighting over away. Maybe the next 6.... because, "Toddler Rules." We have to go to the store. We take two hours to get completely ready, only for them to both have their shoes off by the time we reach the store that's 5 minutes away. Put the shoes back on and unload from the vehicle.

Yep, I can understand why some parents use toddler "leashes." Really hard to chase two toddlers headed in opposite directions while trying to carry a couple of items I'm planning to purchase. And this is just at the convenience store. Not very convenient. No shopping carts to semi-corral them in! We fare a little better at Wal-Mart, until I have a momentary lapse in judgement and accidentally get the cart too close to a display or shelf and then toddler hands proceed to knock things down or add things to the cart.

Two hours later, we're finally home again. Gotta unload the babies, then unload the groceries. Yes, you guys can watch tv while Mommy puts things away. Oh, but you'd rather start playing with everything I just bought. (No wonder things get misplaced and I end up buying duplicates or replacements a day or two later!) There. Things are finally put away.

Dinner time. Oh, but it's floor food instead. I guess the floor was "hungry." Sometimes they just don't want to eat whatever I've made, other times they just have to throw it in the floor and then decide they want it. I know it doesn't sound like it, but I've been teaching them table manners. I don't know... sometimes I think a pack of wolves would do a better job at raising toddlers than I am!

Chill time, then it's finally bed time. Well, if they'd only just lay down and stop wanting to get up to get into things or harass each other. They want to sleep with me. Great! We can all get to sleep fairly quick then. Oh, guess not. THEY get to sleep fairly quickly. Mommy gets kidney kicked, throat punched, gets the blanket stolen and sharp little feet in her ribs.

Whoever said that pregnancy or having a newborn was the worst time to try to sleep as a parent has never tried sleeping with even one toddler, let alone two! It's 2am. Mommy's exhausted. And my day starts again in about 5 hours. :SIGH:

I love my babies. They just exhaust me! Whoever said that having kids keeps you young, doesn't have kids or doesn't realize that the only reason they keep you young is because you regress to toddler tantrums when you're this exhausted... so you're basically on your kid's level.

One day, that feels like it lasts an insanely long amount of time, but goes by too fast... all at the same time.

Thoughts On Parenting Teenagers

Okay, Everyone... Parenting is, hands down, the hardest job you'll ever have in your life. Every individual who has raised a child knows this. From birth and through your child's adulthood, parenting is hard.

Children don't come with instruction manuals. Heaven knows, if that were the case, then the journey of parenthood would be so much easier. That's just not the way parenting works, however.

I remember be a young, teenage mother-to-be... Very determined to try to raise my children right and determined to prove everyone wrong. To prove, in fact, that teenage mothers can still be good mothers. I devoured parenting book after parenting book. I was determined to not make all the same mistakes my own parents had. To, in fact, be a superior parent than they had been.

Then my oldest child was born. And when my oldest child was about 6 months old, I proceeded to throw out each and every one of those parenting books. Why? Not because I had learned to be a perfect parent (Ha! Those don't exist!), but because those parenting books all made me realize something.

There is no "one size fits all" method that works when it comes to parenting. No single thing works for every parent, no single thing works for every child. Indeed, parenting has taught me that we don't really know squat when it comes to raising our children, all parents start out not knowing how to be a parent and just when you think you have it all figured out... Your kid goes out of their way to show you that you don't.

Teenagers. Oh, they're an entirely different set of challenges. Parenting requires you to have the patience of a saint and nerves of steel. Especially if your child is just like you.

I get it. Teenage years are hard. There are social pressures that most adults have gladly forgotten about, academic pressures that can be nerve-wracking to any child or adult, then you add hormone changes, emotional changes and your child trying to find their place and direction in life.

I think that by the time our children reach their teenage years, most parents have forgotten just how lost or confused they felt during their own teenagehood. Most of us gladly leave the peer pressure, highschool drama and snarkiness, stress over tests,  deciding on college or not, learning to chart the waters of dating, etc - behind.

I have a ridiculous amount of children. 9, to be exact. I always wanted a large family - boy, did I get it! I currently have 5 teenagers, who have various living situations. Navigating those situations and relationships is difficult, even on a good day. When the days are bad, they're really bad.

Every child needs something different from me. And I also have 2 middles and 2 toddlers. My life is crazy chaos on a calm day. But my life with teenagers is it's own special brand of craziness.

See, my teenagers are ready to go forth into the world and be the adults they are becoming. I couldn't be more proud of ANY of them. But it's hard.

One moment your teen is going to love you and respect you, the next moment he or she is going to think you are Satan incarnate and only out to ruin his or her life. There will be laughter, tears, many uncomfortable moments and even screaming - maybe you, maybe them.

At the end of the day, your teenager just wants reassurance that you love them and that you're there for them. The hardest part of being a parent, for me, is giving my children room to make mistakes and deal with the consequences in as controlled and safe manner as possible.

And then you simply have to hope and pray you've done enough to teach them how to get through it all in one piece. While holding on to the nearest handle and praying you survive it too.

Teenagers don't mean to drive their parents crazy, it's due to all the inner and outer chaos they're dealing with. It's part of growing up. And sometimes, you're growing up right alongside them.

Foodstamps, Lobster and Steak

If everyone who claimed to personally see foodstamp recipients buying lobster and steak with foodstamps actually saw this, then the entire foodstamp program would be shut down already. One or two stories heard 4th or 5th hand doesn't make a truth.
"My cousin's uncle's pet parakeet's owner's sister's grandma's brother saw it, so it must be true."

#sigh #smdh #9kids #foodstamps #reform #welfare #families

Mommy Guilt

As moms, even when we're doing everything "right," we tend to feel an irrational "guilt" that we're not good enough. It's tragic,  really, that most poor parenting comes from our own insecurities and unreasonable guilt.

 Even when there's truly an issue with our parenting,  that irrational guilt or thinking we're the worst will keep us from seeking outside help. Not just from fear of being judged, but because we're already judging ourselves.

Rough Beginnings to 2015

As 2015 gets off to a start, it's already shaping up to be a rocky few months... here's my thought process right now.

Men, if you don't want kids or to be a father, wrap up your "toy." You don't earn man points or respect simply because you can impregnate someone or have multiple kids by different women. A real MAN will help support his children financially and will be involved in his children's lives.

I never wanted to be a single parent. It's really difficult to try to be in the role of both mom AND dad. But, I do my best. At the end of the day, my kids will respect that and appreciate it. I will teach my daughters to be self sufficient and to depend on only themselves, don't expect or trust a man to do it for you. I will teach ALL of my children the importance of financial and relationship stability before having children. And I will teach my sons to be decent men, to know the importance of truth and monogamy... and for pete's sake, not to be assholes!

There you have it. I didn't want or ask to be a single Mom... BUT, I have this handled and I will takr care of my kids. I will be Mom and Dad both. So, carry on, everyone... just thought I'd throw that out there! ‪#‎igotthis‬ ‪#‎singlemom‬‪#‎deadbeats‬ ‪#‎lovemykids‬

Ending a Long Day

So I had a long day today. Complete craziness. I didn't even work all that hard at my job, but between the heat outside and being in and out of air conditioning and my hot vehicle, I am just completely drained.

I came home between clients today and pit pork chops and brown gravy into the crock pot, now Im making mashed potatoes and Brussels sprouts to go with the pork chops. An easy enough dinner and something that I know everyone will eat. I better start brushing up on my menu and shopping plans and getting things situated, so that I can keep meals on the table at normal times once school starts back up.

  I don't know why I get so tired so easily lately, I guess that's just part of not being as young anymore and also part of my children getting a little bit older. Then, between work, school and raising kids who are in school, while also trying to maintain a household, I feel like I just never have enough time to get things done. Ah, such is life.

 Have a great evening everyone!

Goodnight World

Well, it's been a crazy few days. Between an impromptu road trip to go and get my daughter from her dad's house 700 miles away, driving back, trying to catch some sleep, settle my daughter back in and then work, I'm completely exhausted. I spent this evening trying to catch up on some writing and I've ended up sitting here far longer than I intended. I'm going to be very tired tomorrow.

So, since I'm already up past the time I probably should have been and I DO have to work tomorrow, I guess I had better go to bed. I still feel like I haven't gotten as much accomplished as I wanted to, but I'm going to work on my schedule and routine tomorrow and see what I can get done. If I go to bed as soon as I finish this post, I should get enough sleep to get me through tomorrow.

Goodnight World, Goodnight Everyone! Sweet dreams. And remember, tomorrow is another day, another chance. Always keep hope and live with light and love.

People Suck Sometimes

You know, I don't understand what is wrong with people. I don't get why some people have to be so mean to other people or why they feel the need to be hateful or rude to those they supposedly love. Even if you don't particularly like someone, there's never an excuse to throw negativity out at them. If they are truly a bad person or have done something wrong, I really believe that Karma will come back and bite them in the ass, so why waste energy on negativity towards that person?

I really wish people wouldn't toss out negativity at others, especially when it's done as a defense mechanism to keep someone at a distance from them or as a way to hurt them before they themselves get hurt. I really wish that people could just learn to be nice and learn to treat others BETTER than they themselves would want to be treated. I get so tired of people who are constantly in a negative mind-set or who constantly throw out negativity at others.

Am I the only person who feels like this?

Rants and Raves... And Why Ex's Usually Can't Be Friends

Yep. Divorce or splitting up with a partner isn't easy. Usually, it's extremely volatile, especially if children are involved. Even if you can manage to split with your partner relatively amicably, with little conflict, it's inevitable, if you have children, that there will eventually be a conflict. It's usually true that, at some point or another, your feelings in a relationship will change - from like or love to dislike or hate. If those feelings stay, then divorce or breaking up is inevitable.

But, back to my main point. Exes cannot usually be friends. Even when you plan on co-parenting and even if you intend on an amicable relationship with your ex, it's almost impossible to do so without any type of conflict when you have kids. We are all very different individuals. And, even if ending a relationship is amicable or even friendly, it's difficult to maintain that whenever differences or conflicts arise when you are raising children with someone you are no longer in a relationship with.

Sometimes, there are unresolved feelings or unresolved conflicts concerning the former marriage or relationship. This can spill over into conflicts when it comes to disagreements concerning the children. It's really easy to bring up past episodes of disagreements or actions of the other party when you are disagreeing about how to deal with situations concerning children, especially if the relationship was volatile or ended on a bitter note.

After being married and divorced three times and trying to co-parent with all three of my ex-husbands, I'm here to tell you that, despite being civil and attempting to co-parent, my exes and I are not friends. While we can be friendly for the sake of the children and we are usually successful at being civil, occasionally conflicts arise in which disagreements or conversations get volatile. I think this is more normal than exes truly being friends.

Mind you, I'm not saying that exes cannot be friends or that it's impossible, I'm just saying that it's simply not likely and not very common. I would suggest, if you are divorcing or are divorced, aim for being civil, try to mind your own business when it comes to your ex's life and don't volunteer excessive information about your own life to your ex. Exes are exes for a reason. Keep that in mind. 

Compromise and Parenting

Parenting is hard. Especially if you and the other parent aren't on the same page about your goals and ideals for your child. It can be even more difficult in cases where parents are divorced, have different religious views or drastically different values.l

 

In instances where parents are at odds, it's best to try to find some sort of common ground or compromise. In fact, your children's wellbeing can depend on it. No good can come from discord between parents and often, children can feel caught in the middle. If you find that you are disagreeing with the other parent, try to find a common goal to work towards so that you can successfully coparent your child or children together.

 

Avoid name-calling, fussing and feuding between you and the other parent, most especially in front of the children. If you can keep disagreements civil, it's easier to compromise and come to an agreement that works for both of you and is best for the children.

 

Parenting is hard enough, there's no reason to make it harder.

Divorce and Parenting

Divorce is extremely difficult, even without children. But if you have kids, it's even more difficult. Many divorced parents don't realize how much their fighting or discord actually affects their child(ren.) It can be difficult to be neutral or diplomatic during or after a divorce, but if you have children with your ex-spouse, it's of utmost importance that you set aside differences, anger and fighting and learn to at least be civil with your ex. 

If there are unresolved issues in your former relationship or if you and your ex-spouse have a history of dysfunction, it can be extremely difficult to come together and be successful at co-parenting your child(ren.) In cases like this, it can come down to a simple matter of, one of you needs to let things go and be the bigger person. Even if you feel like you might want to lash out at the other parent or want to talk negatively about the other parent to your child(ren,) it's extremely important for the well-being of everyone involved that you avoid doing this. 

The old saying "If you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all," definitely applies here. If you find that you can't put a positive spin on something concerning the other parent, if you find that you can't be diplomatic, then sometimes saying something like "We really can't discuss this right now" is best. Many times, children will feel the urge to attempt to "play parents" against one another, or they may even be holding out hope that their parents will get back together.

Avoid negative confrontations with your ex-spouse, try to come to some sort of compromise when it comes to the children or parenting the children, and definitely avoid letting your anger or resentment show to your children. Anger, resentment and other negativity affects children, it can confuse them, upset them, make them sad, angry and cause many other negative effects. 

Divorce and parenting isn't easy, but it can definitely be done, if both parties can do their best to set aside differences, past negative history and agree to do what is ultimately best for the children. Remember, many have divorced and successfully parented their children, as well, many have divorced and made things more difficult for the children. If divorce ultimately becomes a reality for your family - forgive the oxymoron, but - try to be a successful divorced parenting story.

New Beginnings, Again.

So my three littlest ones started a new daycare today. I'm not sure how I feel about it. We have used daycare before, but it hasn't been a constant in our/their lives. It was so hard to leave my 3 year old when he begged me not to leave him there.

 I'm on break at work now and counting down the hours until I can go get my little ones. I miss them terribly when they aren't with me. And, of course, leaving them in someone else's care is scary and a bit nervewracking too.

 I know it's a necessity at this point in time, and we have to adapt to this new change, but no one said I have to like it. And I don't, not one little bit. I guess it's not a matter of having to like it or not, but more a point of acceptance and making the best of a not so great situation.

If someone had told me fourteen years ago that I would have this many children, that I'd be a single mom to four children and that I would be going to school, working and have my four youngest kids in daycare, I'd have probably slapped them and called them a liar.

But, now, it's just another new beginning and life is full of new beginnings that we either learn to accept or that we let get the best of us. I choose to make a new beginning and thrive. My children will too. 

Irresponsible People

I'll warn you all, I'm on a major rant today. I don't understand the irresponsibility and immaturity of some people. Especially if you have children.

 I don't understand someone overextending themselves financially, financing cars, going out to eat, buying ridiculous toys and electronics, etc - when one can't even cover their basic necessities. Then to treat child support as an option, this makes no sense to me at all. Why would you put WANTS above NEEDS? Especially if it comes to your kids? I just don't get people.

 There comes a point when there's no excuse for irresponsibility and you can't blame someone else. Priorities, people, priorities! Men, helping take care of your children financially is NOT optional. To everyone in general, don't lay down with someone if you don't wanna have kids or take care of kids.

Roll With The Changes

Life is funny. One minute you're on the straight and narrow path and you've got a plan, the next you've come upon a giant tree in the road and one side of the road has a cliff on it and the other is water. So what do you do then? Jump off in the water and hope you can swim? Do you dive off the cliff and hope you magically learn how to fly? Or do you try to find a way to go over that tree in the road?

What if I told you that, sometimes, it's a combination of the three? Sometimes you have to swim, sometimes you have to fly... other times you have to figure out a way over or through your obstacles. Life is full of changes. Indeed, in a single moment, things can change in the blink of an eye and it can seem that all of your well-made plans evaporate right before your eyes.

It's really easy to get discouraged and frustrated when things happen to mess up your plans, especially when it seems like you'll never get out from underneath the current crisis or stress. It's easy to tell someone else to "keep your chin up" or "don't give up hope," but it's quite another to take that advice to heart when it's you that's facing changes and uncertainty. But, sometimes the best way to get through something is to take your own advice, even if you have to fake it until you make it.

Nothing in life, not even bad circumstances or stress, is permanent. Things change so quickly, it's amazing how quickly we get ourselves worked up and stressed out... if only we'd be patient and see that something new and better is right around the corner, as long as we stay receptive to it and move with the changes. To get through change, sometimes you just gotta roll with it and keep holding on to hope and faith. Barring your own death, there's nothing in life so absolutely terrible that you can't find some way to get through it.

So, I suggest you get out there, work on climbing over that tree, jump off that cliff and fly or jump in the water and swim. Just keep going. There's always something good around the corner. 

Depression's Firm Grip

Depression is a debilitating disease. It is a constant way of living, which isn't even living, for those who suffer from it. When you have depression - in any shape or form - regardless of the cause, it can make life almost impossible to deal with or cope. A person suffering from depression is unable to deal with basic situations or basic emotions. If you are dealing with depression, it can feel much like an invisible hand is squeezing the life out of you, as if you are stuck under a boulder and can't get out from under it.

There's no real way to fully describe just how deeply depression affects someone to another person who has never dealt with depression. To a person who has never dealt with depression, someone with depression can seem "weak" or it can be difficult to understand why the depressed individual simply doesn't "snap out of it." This is where education when it comes to mental health issues is so important. Even if you do not suffer from depression, it is important that everyone educates themselves about depression, symptoms of depression and also how to deal with someone who is trying to live with depression.

Depression is a fact of life. Chances are, even if you, a close loved on or a friend doesn't have depression, you are likely to encounter someone in your life who has depression - a coworker, casual acquaintance, etc. It can be important to be empathetic and to keep an open mind when dealing with people. The friendliest and seemingly happiest people can be depressed. To an individual who is depressed, those who are not depressed can seem distant. A depressed person will feel like they are breathing water and drowning while others are living life and breathing air.

If you or someone you love is dealing with depression, it's important to pay attention to warning signs, seek help and educate yourself about depression, symptoms of depression and how to manage and treat depression. If you are depressed, you need to find a support system - find people to talk to, find ways to manage it and keep going. If you know someone who is depressed, educate yourself and help provide a support system for them.

Living with depression isn't easy, but it can be done. Life is too short to be miserable. If you're depressed, find ways to focus on the light and keep moving towards it. If you know someone who is depressed, help them find the light, move towards it, if necessary, be the light for someone else until they can find it again. 

Sunday Evening, Already!

Well, it's Sunday evening, already! Where do the weekends go? It seems like there's never any downtime. During the week, there's school, the kids' schoolwork, working and just taking care of the household. On weekends, that's when the kids and I get to (hopefully) do something fun and catch up on any extra errands or chores. Seems like we are constantly on the move, even when there's not much that really needs done.

Or is that just the way parenthood - especially SINGLE parenthood - goes? I think that being a parent - whether single, with a partner, working, staying at home, etc... it's all hard. The hardest job one will ever have. And it is one of the most under-appreciated or under-recognized jobs that a person can have. The kids and I are always relieved when the weekends come and there doesn't seem to be quite as much to do, yet we never seem to have that down-time that we need and want. :sigh:

I don't know about you, but my days are definitely not long enough, my weeks are too long and my weekends are just too short!

Randomly ranting, but living in light and love in 2014!

Just That Time of Year...

Well, I suppose it's just that time of year. Since right before Christmas, my kids have had Strep, a random cold and now another virus that mimics the flu. I guess it's normal for this time of year, especially when one has children of various ages and they attend public school. With so many little ones in the house, it's no surprise that we all get sick at once or one right after the other.

I think the best advice anyone can give another parent during this time of year is this: Make sure you and your kids get adequate amounts of sleep, make sure you stay well-hydrated and eat less junk food. Dress weather-appropriately and avoid spending too much time in extremes of temperature one way or another.

And, of course, make sure you wash your hands frequently with soap and water and keep your bed linens and towels washed and clean. Throw away toothbrushes after each illness and replace them to prevent likelihood of reinfection. Also, try to avoid eating or drinking after one another.

We're gonna get over this sickness this go round, and then hopefully we can avoid anymore for the rest of this season!

Here's to a healthier 2014, living in light and love! 

How Much is Too Much?

As a parent, there is often a dilemma of how much to tell your kids about things or what to tell them or not tell them. The hardest thing a parent will ever do is to tell their child the truth about a difficult subject. I am a major supporter of being honest with your children. There is absolutely no excuse to EVER lie to your child, even if you believe you might be protecting them.

The thing is, children are very sensitive and they seem to have bull-shit meter that picks up on EVERYTHING. If you lie to your children, they will know. They will also feel that because you lied to them, they cannot trust you. If you lie to your children, you are teaching them that it is okay to be dishonest, and that a lie is better than the truth to attempt to preserve someone's feelings.

All of that being said, when you are telling your child about something, a situation, etc... it is important to tell them in such a way that makes it easier for them to understand, make sure you leave an open dialogue so that they can ask questions, express their feelings on the issue and make sure you do not give them biased information.

Talking to your kids is difficult, especially if it's a matter concerning life and death, morality, interpersonal relationships, etc. If you and Grandma have a falling out and your child wants to know why Grandma isn't around much anymore, be sure you don't paint Grandma as an evil entity or the devil herself. Simply explain to your child that there is a disagreement between you and Grandma and that sometimes people distance themselves when there is a disagreement, but that it doesn't mean that Grandma loves the child any less.

See how simple you can make it? Be diplomatic, while telling the truth and don't put harmful ideas in your child's head. Children are pretty resilient and they have a large capacity for understanding, it's just important to remember that they are NOT miniature adults and that they are not always ready for certain information.

Getting My School Books Tuesday

After a rough first two semester in school, surviving a tornado and then taking a "break" of sorts over the summer, I'm finally a week away from my first day of classes for this semester. I'm going to get my books Tuesday. Let me just say, I'm super-excited!

I made some decisions over the summer and have changed my major from Nursing to Psychology. I think it will be a better fit for me career-wise and also just simply for the coursework required. Yep, I admit it, I'm not really scientifically inclined, not on the level necessary to make it through Nursing School. :)

All of my classes for this semester are online, due to transportation and child care issues and just for the convenience factor, since my days are so hectic as it is. Which in a way, makes me really happy, because it's a bit less stressful. But also, kind of sad, because I really enjoyed sitting through lectures and getting to know my classmates.  Maybe next semester.

Anyway, so I'm getting my books Tuesday. The kids and I are a week away from the first week of school. Yay! :)