Shamelessly Promoting My Book!

Okay Everyone, here I am, SHAMELESSLY promoting my book! I'm nervous as heck to have anyone buy it or read it, but I also want the feedback. If you'd like to purchase my book, you can find it Amazon  http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00MSA51L8#

Please, if you buy my book and read it, please make sure to leave me a review or email me some type of feedback!

Insomnia Strikes Again

I stayed up way too late last night. Actually, it was 2:30AM whenever I finally went to bed. I have no idea why I feel the need to do things like that, because all it does is make me tired. Then, because I slept in this morning because of being up too late last night, I ended up not getting as much done as I had planned on doing.

I am planning on going to bed early tonight. I have to work tomorrow and need to be at full capacity and at full energy to deal with my patients and get everything done that I need to, especially since tomorrow is Friday. I don't know why I do things that make me tired, especially whenever I know better.

Reach for Your Goals

If you have nothing to strive for, then you have no goals or hopes for your life. If you have no goals or hopes, then what is the purpose of existence? We all have a purpose and destination in our lives, even when we may not realize what exactly that is. Sometimes, people never figure out what exactly their purpose for being is or was, but they have made a large impact in ways that they could never even begin to understand.

We are all here for a reason. Every challenge we face, happens for a reason. There's no other way to look at life and the challenges in life that we face. If we simply believe that things just happen and that we're just sitting here wandering aimlessly in the world, then we have no motivation or hope of ever reaching our goals, finding our hopes and dreams. This would make our lives pointless. And who wants to live a pointless life?

Every day that we live is another chance to get it right, another chance to do something to make a difference in our own lives and that of another. We come across all sorts of people in our daily lives that may be struggling with the same things that we are, sometimes struggling with things that we couldn't even begin to fathom... It's amazing how the little things can make an impact on another person. We are each where we are when we are supposed to be.

And in context of all of this, I urge you to reach for your goals. Keep reach and keep moving towards them, but never forget compassion or understanding for others. Keep hoping and dreaming, but make sure you spread the hope around and share it with others. Reaching for our goals shouldn't be a purely selfish undertaking, it needs to be done in such a way that we still live with compassion, empathy and that we still connect with others. 

Tips for Keeping Your Sanity in Daily Life

Insanity happens. Yup. Truly. There's simply no way to avoid insanity or chaos as long as you are alive. Our daily lives are unpredictable and anything can happen in a single moment. This is why it's important to do your best to keep yourself sane and as un-stressed as possible when dealing with daily life. If you go through your daily life feeling crazy and being stressed, you're going to wind up having a mental collapse or barely surviving unexpected life events.

It's absolutely important to your sanity to take care of yourself first and foremost. I know that might sound selfish to some people, but you will be absolutely no good for anyone else or in a situation that requires you to be strong if you aren't eating correctly, getting enough sleep or exercising regularly. If you don't take care of you, then you can't take care of anyone else - even when it's needed. So, take good care of your body, it's the only one you've got or will ever have. Treat your body like the complex machine it is and give it the proper respect and care that it deserves.

Another way to keep your sanity in daily life is to make sure that you have a solid support system. Whether it's family members, close friends or even a counselor or support group - it's absolutely essential that you give yourself a safe place to vent, get advice or have someone you can bounce ideas off of. Knowing that you are accepted and loved can go a long way towards maintaining your sanity and stress levels in moments of insanity or chaos. If you don't have this support system, I strongly suggest that you seek one out... even an online support group is better than no support system at all.

I think that you should make time to pursue things you enjoy - hobbies such as reading, writing, sewing, singing, fishing, etc... just whatever it is that you enjoy. Give yourself permission to take a break from "real life" and pursue those things that make you happy. Give yourself an outlet for creativity and relaxation. If you constantly feel as though you don't have time for things you enjoy, then it's definitely time to make time for those things. Even if it's only fifteen minutes a day, give yourself time for hobbies.

Managing stress and keeping your sanity in daily life isn't always easy, but it's definitely possible. And it's probably a lot easier than you think. Just make sure to give yourself time to breath and don't beat yourself up for the things you don't manage to get done or the things you think you "should" do. Just take things one day at a time and tackle one obstacle and one crisis at a time. Your sanity will thank you for it.

Coping with Life

Life is hard. No doubt about it. Sometimes it can seem very overwhelming. Even to those of us who have "been there, done that" in negative situations or when dealing with negativity in relationships. No single person has their life perfectly together. Even if that's what they want you to think and they try to portray - the fact is, no one is perfect - we all have skeletons in our closets and we all have problems to deal with.

Don't look at someone else and what you perceive of their life and assume they have it all together or they have no problems. I assure you, everyone is great at putting on a front, but most people can't allow themselves to be vulnerable and real in front of others, so you don't see what's behind that "front."

It all comes down to living life and coping as we go. I have had a really rough week or so, emotionally. I was starting to think that I was either slowly losing my mind or that my mind was already gone - it was just that bad. I have always had issues with depression, but I let my depression and anxiety get the best of me last week when things got a little hectic and some unexpected stuff happened. Don't worry, I'm better and I know that I'm not the only one who occasionally gets overwhelmed.

I don't think there's a set "Destination" in life, I think we all have to keep moving and learning as we go, while ultimately aiming for self-knowledge and peace. I don't think that there's much more to hope to attain, personally, other than a life well-lived, lessons learned and some enlightenment.

So life is hard. Just keep moving and going, cope as you go, and eventually, you end up having all the skills to cope and end up discovering yourself along the way.

Confusion Reigns Supreme

Yep. I've decided that confusion is an inevitable part of life. Especially when it comes to interpersonal relationships and choosing your own personal path in life. What does one do whenever they are faced with numerous choices and potential paths and each outcome would be drastically different than another? Usually, I recommend that you sit down and write lists of pros and cons for each potential choice you could make.

However, sometimes this simply isn't enough. Especially when deep emotions are involved - the kind of emotions that one can't get over or get around, the kind of emotions that you can't push to the back while you make a decision. So what does one do whenever they are faced with this kind of choice? Honestly, I have no idea whatsoever. If you're facing two different choices and both carry such strong emotions that you can't make a decision, what's the deciding factor? I don't know that either.

When you feel like you're stuck in mud and just spinning your wheels, it's hard to know what to do. When the idea of making a choice sends you spinning and you feel as though you're free-falling into a never-ending abyss, what do you do? I wish I had the answers. All I know is that it happens in life, situations where we are faced with choices so drastic that either choice would change everything and then you are faced with trying to decide and simply don't know which direction to take, all because you can't get past emotions.

I'm a fairly logical person. Most of the time. I tend to analyze and even OVER analyze everything, but this time, analyzing things isn't helping. If anything, my logic and analytical skills are failing me. I think they may be making it worse. There are decisions I need to make, each choice I am facing carries such strong emotions with them that I can't see past the emotions of the decisions needing to be made. I feel like I'm stuck in quick-sand and simply unable to move. Paralyzed. Out of breath. Waiting.

But what am I waiting for? Maybe some sort of sign or signal as to which direction I should go? Maybe for something or someone to give me a clue about where I need to go and be? Maybe I should do nothing? Maybe I am just so confused and so emotional that I can't see my way around the choices before me, I know I have to make some decisions... I just don't know how to go about it.

For the first time in my life, I'm feeling more out of control and confused than I recall ever feeling. I HATE feeling so damn helpless and confused. I'm stronger than this. Now, if I can just figure it out......

Be The Person You Are Meant To Be

We are all meant to be somebody. Perhaps not known throughout the world or famous. Perhaps not known for doing great acts, perhaps we are to be known for our small actions that make a difference. Perhaps we are meant to be the one who stands in the background and supports others. Maybe we're meant to change the world. Each and every one of us has a purpose and a reason for being, a person we are meant to be.

Are you who you are meant to be? How will you know when you are? Do you know who you are meant to be - or are you still trying to figure it out? How do we figure it out and take the path that we are meant to take? No. I don't have the answers. I don't believe that anyone has any of the answers - we all have to figure these things out for ourselves, in the time we are meant to.

Gauge your actions, reactions, your thoughts and emotions - figure out if you are or are becoming, the person you are meant to be. The only way you can find out is if you act and react and pay attention to the things in your life, in your heart, the things in your mind. Only you can know who you are meant to be and only you can know when you have become the person you are meant to be.

All any of us can do is go through life, keep learning and growing, and keep on moving - even if it means that sometimes we have to crawl or drag ourselves through the debris from the storms that life throws at us. Sometimes, I think that we find ourselves and who we are meant to be when we're right smack in the middle of the storm. Then it's up to us to find our way out and keep moving forward.

Be the person you are meant to be. Don't give up until you figure it out. Even when you feel lost, know that you have a purpose and a reason for being who you are and who you are meant to be. 

New Beginnings, Again.

So my three littlest ones started a new daycare today. I'm not sure how I feel about it. We have used daycare before, but it hasn't been a constant in our/their lives. It was so hard to leave my 3 year old when he begged me not to leave him there.

 I'm on break at work now and counting down the hours until I can go get my little ones. I miss them terribly when they aren't with me. And, of course, leaving them in someone else's care is scary and a bit nervewracking too.

 I know it's a necessity at this point in time, and we have to adapt to this new change, but no one said I have to like it. And I don't, not one little bit. I guess it's not a matter of having to like it or not, but more a point of acceptance and making the best of a not so great situation.

If someone had told me fourteen years ago that I would have this many children, that I'd be a single mom to four children and that I would be going to school, working and have my four youngest kids in daycare, I'd have probably slapped them and called them a liar.

But, now, it's just another new beginning and life is full of new beginnings that we either learn to accept or that we let get the best of us. I choose to make a new beginning and thrive. My children will too. 

Endings and Beginnings

So, after almost 3 years, my most recent relationship has ended. I wasn't really surprised. It was a crazy, up and down kind of relationship. I think I'm most surprised that it lasted as long as it did. This relationship was one of those insane, feel-an-instant-connection, dive head-first into it kind of relationships. One that seemed OH so perfect and wrong all at the same time.

But, sometimes, even when all of the emotions are right and the commitment is there, a relationship simply can't withstand the pressures of life and it can't continue. When you have two people who are not only complete opposites, but also at completely different points in their lives, it is almost impossible for the relationship to succeed.

In the end, in a situation like this, sometimes the only way to go is down, or, more dramatically, the relationship collides straight into a brick wall. I think that's what happened here. In the end, there was no room for compromise on either side and neither of us could see where the other was coming from. Our individual goals were nowhere near one another's and we simply couldn't continue as we had been without compromise. In  the end, there was no compromise made.

I am saddened by this and I will miss him terribly. I really and truly had thought we had a chance at a future together. And while I don't really understand why things ended the way they did and why we couldn't work it out, I know that, perhaps, it just isn't the right time for me to be in a relationship. If I had one word to describe this man and what he means to me, it would be, HOPE. Through meeting him, loving him and being loved by him, I felt hope through most of it.

To me, this relationship brought hope at true happiness, real love and a life with a supportive significant other. I can never thank him enough for all that my relationship with him has taught me - through the good and bad, it taught me that we ALL deserve to be loved, we ALL deserve to be an equal partner in a relationship and to HAVE an equal partner, I learned that fear has no place in our lives and I learned that the only way to make a relationship work is through give and take and compromise.

So, while my relationship with him has come to an end, I know that it is another step in my own personal journey and I know that every story eventually comes to an end, but it's our job to write a GOOD story, rather than a BAD one. I take from this relationship hope and faith in love again and know that there is a time and place for everything in one's life, and that sometimes, it's simply not the right time.

I take the positives from this relationship and leave the negativity. I take with me the knowledge and feeling that I loved and was loved, even if it was only for a little while. I have hope that I might have that again someday, when the time is right. And I also know that people enter our lives for a reason and they leave our lives for a reason. Sometimes paths cross again and sometimes they don't.

Here's to endings and beginnings in 2014!

On Birthdays and Such

So, today is my thirty-first birthday.

I was almost a little bummed about it, but, realized that really, it doesn't matter. We all get older and there's no point in getting depressed about it.  Life is what we make it. The life we get, the more we learn - hopefully - and the more enjoyment we get out of life.

I would like to think that the lessons I have learned have made me stronger and made me a better person. Anyway, I'm wondering now... what will the next thirty-none years of my life bring?

Finding Hope Within Darkness

  Anyone who has gone through a traumatic event personally knows that finding hope within these events can seem almost impossible. We might even, in the aftermath of trauma, find ourselves resenting those who seem "cheerful" and upbeat. It might seem ludicrous for someone to suggest that we find hope in something that has seemingly ripped our lives apart.

   For me personally, I know that finding hope in darkness can be extremely difficult. I have found myself in the position of resenting those who attempt to offer comfort or support in the form of hope.

   During times of crisis, it can be very easy to turn a blind eye to anything even remotely close to positive or hopeful, it is almost automatic to become jealous of those who seemingly are better off than we are. In the aftermath of the May 20th, 2013 Tornado that ripped Moore, Oklahoma apart, I saw this first-hand. I even -gasp!- felt some of those same emotions myself.

   This is the point where it becomes important to have a positive perspective on reality and keep gauging your own emotions and reactions. I found myself becoming resentful of those who were trying to help, found myself resentful of those who hadn't lost as much as I had, I found my emotions dramatically off-kilter. I cried, laughed, got angry, got sad, all at the same time.

  Although I feel I was reasonably quick to find hope in the situation, despite the circumstances that surrounded myself and my children, I know I have still had a difficult time holding onto that hope.

   You see, when we're trying to find hope in the darkness, we keep looking for hope externally. When, in reality, that hope is often to be found inside of us. A tiny spark that will ignite, if we simply look for it. Sometimes it is a simple word or action from someone else that lights the fire of hope, other times it is when we take a step back, evaluate our situation and realize that we have some sort of option to keep moving forward.
 
   Hope comes in all shapes and sizes. It can be in the form of volunteers offering help and support after a natural disaster, an understanding neighbor who has gone through the same thing you have, a quiet moment of self-reflection where one realizes that they are still alive and that they can make their life better than it was before - hope is ever-changing and everlasting, as long as we acknowledge its presence.

   To find hope in the darkness, all you have to do is close your eyes to the darkness and look inside yourself. Find that tiny flame and ignite the fire of hope. Hope can do amazing things and can help you get through the worst of times.

   Where do you find your hope within the darkness?

Simply Be Yourself, Not Your Past

        Too often, we are bombarded with recollections of our past - whether these come in the form of reminiscing with friends or family, places, things or even just self-inventory. If our past is less than stellar, it is all too easy to internalize those mistakes, continuing to hold onto that past and believe that we are too intertwined with our past to ever get past it.

        In effect, we begin to believe that we are either a product of our past or that we are still our past. If we do not let go of our past and all of the mistakes we have made while traveling through our life path, then we remain stuck in the past. Believing we are our past and its mistakes, takes us to a point of losing hope and any motivation for moving forward or making changes in our lives.

         Which leads to the question of, what do you do when you've lost hope and motivation? Take a self-inventory. Look at yourself, those around you and past choices you've made. Realize that you have more options that you have ever really thought possible and recognize that you are where you are now due to choices that you yourself have made.

      One of the most important things you can do for yourself is to realize that you are not the person you were in your past. Each moment that passes, is another step away from the person you were yesterday, the day before, weeks, months and years before. When we realize that we are not the person who made those mistakes, it becomes easier to make the right decisions and to follow the path best suited to reach our goals.

      An amazing part of being a human being is the ability to make mistakes, while being able to learn from those mistakes so that we can become the person we want to be and have the life we truly want. If you find yourself in a position of being unable to make a decision or choose between two different paths, think back to past situations and your reactions to them.

     We often do the most growing and make the best choices for ourselves in the midst of crisis, as long as we are willing to open our eyes to our own flaws and mistakes of our past. Choosing to put your past behind you and realizing that you are who you are today due to your past, goes a long way toward letting go and finding your true self.

      Once you find your true self or know who it is you want to be, you can find hope again, set goals and start taking the steps to get the life you want for yourself.