When a Friendship Implodes

I recently lost a friendship of four years. It wasn't over a minor issues. It was, perhaps, unavoidable. We both had differing ideas on what constituted "judging" and gentle, loving, honesty. She thought I was judging her for situations in her life, but was passing the same judgments she accused me of, onto my own life. I tried to be gentle and honest - without judgment of her or her choices - however, at the end of the day, we simply couldn't agree to disagree and move forward.

The thing is, this friendship started four and a half years ago during an extremely traumatic and stressful time in my life and hers both, which left us with a friendship, but also left us with a "trauma bond." Although neither of our situations at the time were related, we'd bonded over the similarities. Sometimes, friendships formed in this way will last a lifetime. However, in many cases, they will simply end over time, once the time of crisis is over with.

When you bond over something in your life that is awful, once one party - or even both - begin to heal and move past the trauma and stress of the situation, it becomes difficult to maintain that relationship if the sole glue holding the relationship together is the stress and turmoil of the situation you are in. In effect, these friendships will typically just "fizzle out" over time. In this instance, the friendship "imploded."

While I am proud of the fact that I did not resort to name-calling or personal insults, I did not raise my voice or say anything intentionally hurtful, I am hurt by the fact that she resorted to such tactics as she got extremely volatile when I set boundaries in place to protect myself and my mental and emotional health from a situation that she had going on.

I feel many things about this friendship ending - loss, sadness, frustration, perhaps a bit of anger, regret... and mainly, relief. I saw this coming a long time ago, although I don't think she did. I saw it coming, couldn't prevent it, but still kept trying to maintain a friendship that had itself become toxic for me. As our friendship imploded, I felt the tears roll down my face.

I love her and I will miss her. But I welcome peace and healing.

Removing Toxic People From Your Life

Life is hard. Even when things are going pretty good, there will be occasional struggles or obstacles in your way. This is especially true if you've already dealt with any type of hardship in your life. If you're like me, and you've gone through multiple struggles in your life - mental, emotional, abusive relationships, poverty, homelessness, physical, etc - then dealing with basic, everyday life can sometimes feel like a struggle.

This is why it's important to have a solid support system in place - whether you have good family and friends, a counselor and/or support group, online support groups, etc - everyone needs a support system. We all need people in our lives, even those of us who might claim to be "anti-social" or those who have "social anxiety." But what we don't need in our lives is toxic people and situations.

If you have someone in your life who is toxic, if they bring more drama than you care to deal with, if they mentally or emotionally drain you.. it's time to remove them from your life. Toxic people have no positive purpose in our lives and they have no place in our lives. We cannot grow and thrive if we are surrounded by toxic people or situations.

Beware the person who is "just being honest" and proceeds to tell you things that hurt you, your emotional and mental well-being... honesty is not an excuse for rudeness and true honesty is never cruel or hurtful. Beware those who will say they want what is best for you, but then will encourage situations or habits that will harm you. Don't allow someone to cause you to doubt yourself or question your abilities to make your own choices or reach your goals.

There are many out there who will claim to love and care about you - whether a family member, a friend, a romantic partner, etc... those who truly care about you will actually want what is best for you, without attempting to control you, tell you what to do, manipulate you, bring further stress and chaos to your life or treat you disrespectfully.

When it comes to removing toxic people from your life...  many times, you can do this without any type of confrontation. Simply cease all contact and avoid them - you'd be surprised how many people will simply let things go without a fight. In other cases, a very calm and direct "I'm ceasing contact because this situation/relationship is toxic for me" is given to the other person, then simply do not respond or make contact again.

Remember, you owe no one an explanation. And even if you explain yourself to someone who is toxic a million times, there are going to be those who will never accept or acknowledge your explanation as truth. There are even going to be those who argue with you and may fight to try to stay in your life. Don't allow them to.

It may require a court order or contacting the police and notifying them of the toxic individual's harassment and continued contact after you've asked them not to contact them again. You may be able to get away with simply blocking the individual and never hear from them again. If someone is being toxic in your life and you want to remove them - do so by whatever means necessary, you do not have to allow them to steal another moment of your peace and happiness.

We all have the right to have supportive, nonjudgmental people in our lives, we have the right to make decisions for ourselves without someone attempting to manipulate or control us. No one needs an energy or emotional vampire sucking them dry. Drop the toxic people and situations and watch your life become full of light and love again.

Make sure your circle is full of people who truly love and support you and want what is best for you. Say NO to negativity and toxicity, and don't look back. We all should live our lives as if they're too short-  because they are - and life is too short to live with toxic people and situations.

Why Unrequited Love is Dangerous

We've all heard the stories of unrequited love... boy meets girl, girl meets boy... one of them falls in love with the other, but the other doesn't reciprocate. The end result in these stories is that the party who falls in love ends up having a broken heart "forever." There are many memes and quotes out there that portray unrequited love as a noble thing, as something that is perfectly normal and healthy.

Nothing could be further from the truth.

In many cases, there are situations where one person loves another person deeply and truly and the other person doesn't love them back in the same way that they love the other person. This is considered "unrequited love." And this is also the danger of "unrequited love."

Loving another person who doesn't love you back in the same way, or even at all, is not a problem in and of itself. It's whenever you place the hope and expectation that the other person will love you in return in the same way that you love them.

To me, this isn't love. Real love isn't "unrequited," because it is not given with the expectation or hope of anything in return. We've all had relationships -romantic, platonic, familial, etc - where one person cared more than the other person seemed to. That didn't make our own feelings less valid for the other person simply because they didn't reciprocate.

The danger in loving someone more than they love us is... we are likely to get hurt. But not in the ways we think. When you love someone and they don't love you back, it's easy to sit and dwell on it or spend a lot of time hoping they will love you back, even looking for ways to try to get them to love you back. This isn't real or true love.

Real love doesn't require anything of the other person, it isn't invalidated if they don't love us back. Honest love is given, without expectation or demand. It says "I'm going to love you. I want what is best for you - even if that isn't me." And then that's exactly what it does.

"Unrequited love" is dangerous. It's a danger to your mental and emotional health, it's unhealthy for you and your relationships and it will simply become an exercise in frustration and heartache. So, drop the notion of  unrequited love as being noble and romantic or a sign of "true love."

The best way to gain the love you'd like to have in your life, is to give freely and honestly of your love, with no expectations or demands. When you can give love honestly, regardless of if that particular person loves you back or not, you will invite all the love you are seeking and needing into your life in all shapes and forms.

One last thing, if we have to say or do something to make someone love us in return, that isn't love.

Loving Openly and Honestly

Love is hard. Loving people is harder. We all have a very normal human desire to both love and be loved. The word love is not a noun, it's a verb. This is where many people get so twisted up when dealing with their love for others. Our society tends to consider love a "thing," when it is an *ACTION.*  We often talk of "loving" things - ice cream, pizza, places, etc. That's not love, that is an intense LIKE of something.

Love means we are going to do whatever we can possibly do to ensure another person's happiness or well-being. It is both an action and an emotion. When we love someone, we (hopefully) truly want what is best for them - we want them to be happy, safe, successful, etc. Many times, however, people are quick to use "love" for others as a way to receive love in their own lives. The word love is spoken in an attempt to get the other person to reciprocate. This isn't love.

True love doesn't require that the other person "love" you back. All that is needed for open and honest love of another human being is to desire what is best for them - their happiness, safety, fulfillment, health, success, etc. Honest and open love doesn't demand or expect that the other person will love us back simply because we love them.

The thing about loving openly and honestly is that we can give freely of ourselves and our love for another human being, making no demands or having any expectations. Real love doesn't attempt to get another person to do anything - if anything, this is a form of manipulation and abuse. Honest love says "I'm going to be here for you, I care about you and I only want your happiness and what is best for you - not what I desire or think is best for you."

Please, everyone, stop attempting to use love to get your own needs and desires met - that isn't love and will only result in heartache and frustration for you and those that you love. Be the light, give love freely with no expectations or demands. You'll end up being pleasantly surprised that love will come your way in all the right forms for YOU, if you are loving freely and openly, with honesty, and making no demands on others.

And remember, you can't truly love another person unless you love yourself first.

Fairytale Endings

When I was a little girl, I believed in fairy tales and happily ever after. I suppose, most of the time, that little girls are taught from a young age to believe in their knight in shining armor on a white horse coming to sweep them off their feet and then live happily ever after. After all, isn't that the stereotypical fairy tale? 

The problem lies in the fact that fairy tales, at least the Disney version, don't really exist.  So, women grow to become disillusioned, while still searching for their happily ever after.... often in the form of their knight in shining armor. But what happens when they don't show up?

For years, I believed in the fairy tale ending and kept thinking that if I were just with the right man, it would become easy, that I'd find my happily ever after... and my knight would come rescue me.  After 3 failed marriages and a couple of dating relationships gone badly, I'm now a single mom with a lot of stress and a lot of happiness in my life. Don't get me wrong,  I'm not happy to be a single mom. I don't enjoy stress. But I have 8 beautiful children (which I co-parent with their fathers) and another on the way.  Two of those children are girls. The rest are boys. 

Here's the deal... maybe it's not time for me to be in a relationship, maybe it will never be time for that,  maybe I haven't met the right person. .. who knows? What I want my daughters to know is that you have to make your life yourself. Don't wait on or rely on a man to fix it or save you.  Make your happiness for yourself and don't believe that you can't be happy without a man. 

What I want my sons to know is that you don't have to ride in and rescue any woman... that's not your job. All of my children, I want to learn the value of loving themselves, respecting themselves and others, learn the art of communicating and know what you bring to the table in relationships (or life in general) and don't settle or blur your own boundaries just to be with someone. Be a whole you, so you can be a whole equal partner when the time is right.

#life #love #relationships #self #peace

Life and Love

     Here's what I've learned about life and relationships. Whether it's a significant other, parents, friends, kids, etc... relationships are unpredictable. You never know for sure what's going to happen, no matter how committed you might be to a person or that relationship. The truth is, you cannot control anything or anyone else... you're wasting your time trying. I don't think the solution to this is to avoid loving to avoid being hurt... I think that all we can do in this life is to love the best we can, even when it results in us being hurt. Through pain comes personal growth... even if it's at the temporary cost of our sanity and our heart. We almost always heal from heartache.
     If you close your mind, heart and spirit to love and the experiences that come with it... you'll never be able to love fully, openly and honestly. But, it scares us to be that vulnerable to another person. Yep. We would rather judge another or express our disappointment in someone else's flaws by turning our backs on them or shutting them out... but why? Because it's "easier." Well, the truth is, it's NOT.
     I don't want to go through life the easy way (obviously, one can tell that about me just by my choices I have made... I didn't pick the easy route. haha), I want to go through my life and live to the fullest, with the most experiences and the most depth possible... even if I get hurt. I'd rather experience both sides of love and loss than to never know love or happiness. And I think the biggest mistake we can make is to reach the END of our lives with REGRET. Love, be honest and live your life on your own terms... take risks, you might be surprised what you gain and learn from even losses. DON'T be afraid!

Drunk People... Have You Ever Noticed?

I don't know if you have ever noticed this or not, but drunk people are supremely obnoxious. Especially if you're sober. I worked in bars off and on for over ten years. One thing I learned was that if you're the sober person and you are dealing with drunks, ANYTHING can happen or anything can be said. It's ridiculous sometimes, just how unreasonable drunk people can get.

While I'm not going to sit here and pretend to be a saint or try to pretend like I've never been drunk in my life, I don't think that you should drink to excess and then use being drunk as an excuse to be obnoxious or mean to people.What it is about alcohol that makes some people just seem to lose their marbles and act stupid? I also don't understand why drunk people are more likely to want to fight than sober people.

I don't know if any of you have noticed this, but when people are drunk, it almost seems as though a hidden part of their normal, basic personality comes out and it may be a part of that person that you really don't like. Why is that? I know alcohol lowers inhibitions and people do things when drunk that they might not do when sober, but why are sober people so much better than drunk people at hiding their true thoughts, feelings or parts of themselves?

And, while I am aware that an inebriated person has no real boundaries or inhibitions, why is it that this part of themselves comes out only when they are drinking? And, if you know you're a pain in the ass or an asshole when you get drunk, why would you continue to drink? Why would you want to put others through that and show off that negative side of yourself? I just don't get it.

People Suck Sometimes

You know, I don't understand what is wrong with people. I don't get why some people have to be so mean to other people or why they feel the need to be hateful or rude to those they supposedly love. Even if you don't particularly like someone, there's never an excuse to throw negativity out at them. If they are truly a bad person or have done something wrong, I really believe that Karma will come back and bite them in the ass, so why waste energy on negativity towards that person?

I really wish people wouldn't toss out negativity at others, especially when it's done as a defense mechanism to keep someone at a distance from them or as a way to hurt them before they themselves get hurt. I really wish that people could just learn to be nice and learn to treat others BETTER than they themselves would want to be treated. I get so tired of people who are constantly in a negative mind-set or who constantly throw out negativity at others.

Am I the only person who feels like this?

Giving Love a Chance... Or Not?

I'm kind of in a weird place right now. I meant to go to bed two hours ago. I have to work in the morning and I have a million things to get done tomorrow. I've lost focus of myself and my life path according to my most recent plan. I really hate when that happens. I hate being lost and hate feeling out of sorts. I hate feeling so out of control of myself and my own life.

I have a house full of kids. I am the primary parent and responsible person for four of them. This is an awesome and staggering responsibility. I'm not sure where I'm going with this. Other than, this much I do know. I am trying to be the parent and mother that ALL of my children need, I feel like I'm failing miserably. I feel like, while trying to be the mother I am supposed to be, I am failing them and also not being true to myself and what I need. How do women balance that which they want and need with what they must do?

I never pictured myself as a single mother - not in a million years. But, ultimately, that's what I am. I didn't plan this, didn't want this. Don't want this now. Just stuck and feeling stuck. I love my children, wouldn't trade them for anything on this earth, no matter what. I live and breath for my children. But every single thing I do is for them, and I am constantly second-guessing myself. I constantly wonder if maybe I ought not to be a bit more selfish and try to do what's best for myself also.

I know that love isn't easy. After three divorces, that's probably the biggest thing that I've learned. I'm frustrated. What do you do when you feel something and you know that if you say it that it would change your relationship with that person forever? Whether it's someone you're already with or a potential love interest? ANY relationship can change, as quickly as the time it takes to speak a few words. Life is so unfair.

We spend so much time waiting and hoping for love. Then, when we find love, it's not simple or easy and it's downright complicated. When does love get a chance? Do we actually give love a real chance? Do we speak words that could change everything? Or do we keep our mouths shut and just not rock the boat, thereby missing the chance we might have had?

Rants and Raves... And Why Ex's Usually Can't Be Friends

Yep. Divorce or splitting up with a partner isn't easy. Usually, it's extremely volatile, especially if children are involved. Even if you can manage to split with your partner relatively amicably, with little conflict, it's inevitable, if you have children, that there will eventually be a conflict. It's usually true that, at some point or another, your feelings in a relationship will change - from like or love to dislike or hate. If those feelings stay, then divorce or breaking up is inevitable.

But, back to my main point. Exes cannot usually be friends. Even when you plan on co-parenting and even if you intend on an amicable relationship with your ex, it's almost impossible to do so without any type of conflict when you have kids. We are all very different individuals. And, even if ending a relationship is amicable or even friendly, it's difficult to maintain that whenever differences or conflicts arise when you are raising children with someone you are no longer in a relationship with.

Sometimes, there are unresolved feelings or unresolved conflicts concerning the former marriage or relationship. This can spill over into conflicts when it comes to disagreements concerning the children. It's really easy to bring up past episodes of disagreements or actions of the other party when you are disagreeing about how to deal with situations concerning children, especially if the relationship was volatile or ended on a bitter note.

After being married and divorced three times and trying to co-parent with all three of my ex-husbands, I'm here to tell you that, despite being civil and attempting to co-parent, my exes and I are not friends. While we can be friendly for the sake of the children and we are usually successful at being civil, occasionally conflicts arise in which disagreements or conversations get volatile. I think this is more normal than exes truly being friends.

Mind you, I'm not saying that exes cannot be friends or that it's impossible, I'm just saying that it's simply not likely and not very common. I would suggest, if you are divorcing or are divorced, aim for being civil, try to mind your own business when it comes to your ex's life and don't volunteer excessive information about your own life to your ex. Exes are exes for a reason. Keep that in mind. 

It's All UP From Here!

Wow, this has been a crazy few years. Starting in 2010, when my marriage began to crumble right after my youngest child was born, then meeting my new love, whom I've now been with for 3 years, to starting college and now being a year away from graduating with my Associate's degree in Psychology, it's been a rough ride. Finally, last year, the May 20th tornado of Moore, Oklahoma took out our life as we knew it. Then, a month ago, my boyfriend had a massive heart attack.

I had an epiphany this morning. Even when life is at it's lowest point and even when you seemingly can't go anywhere, the only option becomes to move forward and go up from there. So, even though I've been down for the last few years, it's all UP from here. Our life path is our choice, we CHOOSE the direction we move in. Starting today, I'm choosing to go forward and up.

While I haven't been writing much the last several months (obviously, I've been horrible at keeping a blog!), I am now more motivated than ever to start writing again and KEEP writing. For me, writing is an outlet, but it also allows me to connect with others on a deeper level. Find something that's important to you and make it a priority in your life. Family and friends are a given as to what should be a priority in your life.... I'm talking about other things that are important to you.

Find your own path, choose to move forward and realize, it's all up from here. Seriously. When you get down to a certain level, the only choice is to go back up. 

Life, Exhaustion and Second Chances

After the crazy week we've had here, with Sweetie's heart attack, his hospital stay, getting him home, me starting a new job and trying to work around everything else going on, I'm definitely exhausted! I have come to the realization that there are many different levels and types of exhaustion. I think that there are at least three and then there are combinations thereof.

Physical, mental and emotional would be the three types of exhaustion and any of them can be extremely draining, but even more so, if you are dealing with a combination of the three. I'm not sure what level I'm at, I just know I'm very tired. I'm just feeling drained and slightly overwhelmed. A simpler word for what I am feeling right now, would be "stress." Yep. Definitely stressed.

Life has a funny way of throwing things at you when you least expect it and feel the least equipped to handle it. Knowing or suspecting something could happen and it actually happening are two different things. We knew that Sweetie was having some health issues and I have always worried about his health and the possibility of major complications, but actually knowing that he almost died is quite another story altogether.

All I can take away from this situation is this: Everything in life happens for some reason or another. I truly believe that we can learn or grow from anything that we deal with in life, whether it be good or bad. I feel like this has been a major wake-up call to pay attention to our health, to get healthy and to not take each other - or life - for granted. He has been given a second chance at life and it's been rough, but it's definitely going to be okay in the end, because it's enough of a motivator to not want to waste the chance we are given.

With that, I am now taking my exhausted self to bed with my Sweetie and I will check-in when I get another chance! Have a great weekend everyone!

Confusion of the Heart

I don't know about the rest of you, but I know that I get awfully confused whenever I am in a relationship and things aren't going so smoothly. My most recent relationship has been an on-again, off-again roller coaster for almost three years. I know "G" and I love each other, I know we could work things out if we were both willing to try to compromise and really work at it.

But, sometimes it really is and ISN'T that simple. I think "G" and I are back "on" again at this point. I'm hoping, with a little bit of time and some effort, that we can really make a "go" of things this time. I know that my mind is saying that, logically, this shouldn't and couldn't possibly work. My heart, however, says that it can and that it just might this time. You just simply never know what direction things will go. Which is where my confusion lies.

So what do you do when one is confused about matters of the heart? The best suggestion that I can make for myself - or anyone else - is to simply take things one day at a time, one step at a time. Don't think negatively and don't expect too much of yourself or the other person - that type of expectation demands that someone be perfect. If you yourself are not perfect, how can you expect or demand perfection from your significant other?

When it comes to relationship - complicated or not - it's best to simply give you and your partner both room to grow, assess things, know what you and he/she wants and if there is doubt, give it time and don't place pressure on yourself or the other person. Somehow, I think that "G" and I are gonna be okay, whether we manage to work things out or not.

Hopefully, this new year is bringing you love - in the right way - and all of the happiness you and your significant other can handle! Living in light and love, for 2014!

Forgiveness and Moving Forward

When it comes to past hurts and anger, it's very difficult to forgive and let it go. I think that many times, when we are struggling with trying to forgive someone else, we often are so caught up in our anger or hurt feelings that we then feel guilty for feeling angry or hurt, so we end up sabotaging our attempts at forgiving the other person.

I think that sometimes too, when someone has hurt or offended us, sometimes their actions are a reaction to our own actions. And then, when we are struggling to forgive them for their offense, we can't do it unless we have acknowledged where we have wronged them as well.

I don't know if true forgiveness is always possible. Sometimes the hurt or anger is so deep, it can seem impossible to let the offense go. But, if we are to love others and ourselves and to move past the hurt and anger, forgiveness is an important step. I am not suggesting that one should blindly forgive and forget. But forgiveness is a big part of moving forward, even if you are aware that you should proceed with caution in trusting the person again.

But this much I do know - If we are to successfully forgive another person and move forward, we first have to be able to forgive ourselves. We may need to forgive ourselves for causing hurt feelings to another or for being inconsiderate of their feelings, we may need to forgive our initial reaction to another's actions that caused them pain on top of the pain we caused us. If we really want to forgive another and move forward, we need to remember to turn the forgiveness inward as well.

And once we've given forgiveness, then the offense needs to be truly forgiven. This means that we can't keep dwelling on the action or reaction that caused pain or anger, we need to move past it and not keep throwing the incident up in the other's face or holding it over their heads. The point of forgiveness is to acknowledge the hurt or upset that something or someone has caused and then to move past it and try to repair the relationship. 

What-Ifs and Memories

So, I'm sitting here tonight, pondering life and relationships. Thinking back to my marriages and the almost-3-year relationship that just ended. I don't know that my marriages really should have ever happened in the first place, but I have 7 wonderful children as a result, so I wouldn't go back and change those marriages if I could. But the most recently ended relationship. Wow. I don't know that I would go back and undo it, because I learned so much about love and relationships with "G." But I also learned that love is a really scary thing, which is funny, because I don't think I truly learned that during my marriages.

To love - and be loved - is to bare your heart and soul to another human being, to make yourself fully vulnerable to them and hope that neither person gets hurt. That's scary. Some people are incapable of doing this, which means they protect themselves from hurt, but they also never experience the true joy of love and vulnerability with another person. To let another person into your heart and soul requires the ability to be vulnerable and risk getting hurt, but it also requires a great deal of courage and strength. And if you do, by some chance, happen to get hurt in the process, where do you go from there? That, my friends, is the ultimate question.

Do you give love another chance when you've been hurt or have hurt the other? Do you try again with that person? Or do you simply move on and perhaps at a later date, try to love again with someone else? In this instance, I think both of us simply got too tired to keep trying. But I feel no desire or urge to try again with another. Having had love that was like no other and knowing that I would probably always compare someone else to "G," it's probably best if I don't even consider another relationship. I know my heart and know that it's gonna take a long time - if ever - to get over this one.

It's really sad when you meet someone, you know that simply by meeting them, your life will never be the same, YOU will never be the same, and it's equally sad to know that for - whatever reasons there may be - you can't spend your life with them like you'd hoped, so you have to find a way to move on and let them go. Yes, love is beautiful and love is awesome, but love can hurt, very deeply. Sometimes cause damage that is irreparable. So, find the beauty and awesomeness in your experiences with love, enjoy the joy, find hope in love and hold onto that beauty, joy and hope if something happens and love goes wrong. It will get you through the pain.

Memories are there, both good and bad. I wonder about what-ifs and wonder if things could have been different "if only." For two letters, the word "if" sure carries a lot of weight. I don't know if anything I have written makes sense. With so many memories swirling through my mind tonight, it's no wonder that I am writing a bit of a "downer" for this blog post. Ah, so be it. Tomorrow is another day and a new beginning.

Here's to life, love, beginnings and endings and living with light and love in 2014. 

Endings and Beginnings

So, after almost 3 years, my most recent relationship has ended. I wasn't really surprised. It was a crazy, up and down kind of relationship. I think I'm most surprised that it lasted as long as it did. This relationship was one of those insane, feel-an-instant-connection, dive head-first into it kind of relationships. One that seemed OH so perfect and wrong all at the same time.

But, sometimes, even when all of the emotions are right and the commitment is there, a relationship simply can't withstand the pressures of life and it can't continue. When you have two people who are not only complete opposites, but also at completely different points in their lives, it is almost impossible for the relationship to succeed.

In the end, in a situation like this, sometimes the only way to go is down, or, more dramatically, the relationship collides straight into a brick wall. I think that's what happened here. In the end, there was no room for compromise on either side and neither of us could see where the other was coming from. Our individual goals were nowhere near one another's and we simply couldn't continue as we had been without compromise. In  the end, there was no compromise made.

I am saddened by this and I will miss him terribly. I really and truly had thought we had a chance at a future together. And while I don't really understand why things ended the way they did and why we couldn't work it out, I know that, perhaps, it just isn't the right time for me to be in a relationship. If I had one word to describe this man and what he means to me, it would be, HOPE. Through meeting him, loving him and being loved by him, I felt hope through most of it.

To me, this relationship brought hope at true happiness, real love and a life with a supportive significant other. I can never thank him enough for all that my relationship with him has taught me - through the good and bad, it taught me that we ALL deserve to be loved, we ALL deserve to be an equal partner in a relationship and to HAVE an equal partner, I learned that fear has no place in our lives and I learned that the only way to make a relationship work is through give and take and compromise.

So, while my relationship with him has come to an end, I know that it is another step in my own personal journey and I know that every story eventually comes to an end, but it's our job to write a GOOD story, rather than a BAD one. I take from this relationship hope and faith in love again and know that there is a time and place for everything in one's life, and that sometimes, it's simply not the right time.

I take the positives from this relationship and leave the negativity. I take with me the knowledge and feeling that I loved and was loved, even if it was only for a little while. I have hope that I might have that again someday, when the time is right. And I also know that people enter our lives for a reason and they leave our lives for a reason. Sometimes paths cross again and sometimes they don't.

Here's to endings and beginnings in 2014!

How Much is Too Much?

As a parent, there is often a dilemma of how much to tell your kids about things or what to tell them or not tell them. The hardest thing a parent will ever do is to tell their child the truth about a difficult subject. I am a major supporter of being honest with your children. There is absolutely no excuse to EVER lie to your child, even if you believe you might be protecting them.

The thing is, children are very sensitive and they seem to have bull-shit meter that picks up on EVERYTHING. If you lie to your children, they will know. They will also feel that because you lied to them, they cannot trust you. If you lie to your children, you are teaching them that it is okay to be dishonest, and that a lie is better than the truth to attempt to preserve someone's feelings.

All of that being said, when you are telling your child about something, a situation, etc... it is important to tell them in such a way that makes it easier for them to understand, make sure you leave an open dialogue so that they can ask questions, express their feelings on the issue and make sure you do not give them biased information.

Talking to your kids is difficult, especially if it's a matter concerning life and death, morality, interpersonal relationships, etc. If you and Grandma have a falling out and your child wants to know why Grandma isn't around much anymore, be sure you don't paint Grandma as an evil entity or the devil herself. Simply explain to your child that there is a disagreement between you and Grandma and that sometimes people distance themselves when there is a disagreement, but that it doesn't mean that Grandma loves the child any less.

See how simple you can make it? Be diplomatic, while telling the truth and don't put harmful ideas in your child's head. Children are pretty resilient and they have a large capacity for understanding, it's just important to remember that they are NOT miniature adults and that they are not always ready for certain information.

Keeping Touch With Friends

So, recently, I've gotten back in touch with friends I haven't spoken to in months, in some cases, even years. It's been an interesting few months around here. There are those friendships that last through anything and then end abruptly, there are those that don't last a season, there are friendships that remain the same forever and then some are the same even when you aren't in contact regularly.

How many of you out there have friends whom you have known for years, that you may not talk to regularly, a lot of time can pass by, but the friendship hasn't changed when you do get back in touch? For myself, this has been the case with a few of my closest friendships. And those are the people I know I can trust 100%, no matter what.

I think it's always a good idea to stay in touch at least somewhat regularly with close friends, to at least keep up with one another's contact information, should something happen. But close friendships can sometimes be better than family, those friends may end up being your anchor during rough storms in life. You never know.

Two of my closest friends I met during my ex's first deployment, these two ladies helped me get through a lot and vice versa. One of them was also a military wife, one was not. Do I talk to them regularly? Not so much anymore, mainly due to life getting in the way, but I know if I need something that I could call either of them and they'd be there. And they know the same of me.

True friendship is a blessing, there's no worry about back-stabbing and you trust implicitly if you are actually close friends. A close friend is usually closer than a sibling. Cherish those friendships and make the extra effort to stay in touch.