Depression's Firm Grip

Depression is a debilitating disease. It is a constant way of living, which isn't even living, for those who suffer from it. When you have depression - in any shape or form - regardless of the cause, it can make life almost impossible to deal with or cope. A person suffering from depression is unable to deal with basic situations or basic emotions. If you are dealing with depression, it can feel much like an invisible hand is squeezing the life out of you, as if you are stuck under a boulder and can't get out from under it.

There's no real way to fully describe just how deeply depression affects someone to another person who has never dealt with depression. To a person who has never dealt with depression, someone with depression can seem "weak" or it can be difficult to understand why the depressed individual simply doesn't "snap out of it." This is where education when it comes to mental health issues is so important. Even if you do not suffer from depression, it is important that everyone educates themselves about depression, symptoms of depression and also how to deal with someone who is trying to live with depression.

Depression is a fact of life. Chances are, even if you, a close loved on or a friend doesn't have depression, you are likely to encounter someone in your life who has depression - a coworker, casual acquaintance, etc. It can be important to be empathetic and to keep an open mind when dealing with people. The friendliest and seemingly happiest people can be depressed. To an individual who is depressed, those who are not depressed can seem distant. A depressed person will feel like they are breathing water and drowning while others are living life and breathing air.

If you or someone you love is dealing with depression, it's important to pay attention to warning signs, seek help and educate yourself about depression, symptoms of depression and how to manage and treat depression. If you are depressed, you need to find a support system - find people to talk to, find ways to manage it and keep going. If you know someone who is depressed, educate yourself and help provide a support system for them.

Living with depression isn't easy, but it can be done. Life is too short to be miserable. If you're depressed, find ways to focus on the light and keep moving towards it. If you know someone who is depressed, help them find the light, move towards it, if necessary, be the light for someone else until they can find it again. 

Sunday Evening, Already!

Well, it's Sunday evening, already! Where do the weekends go? It seems like there's never any downtime. During the week, there's school, the kids' schoolwork, working and just taking care of the household. On weekends, that's when the kids and I get to (hopefully) do something fun and catch up on any extra errands or chores. Seems like we are constantly on the move, even when there's not much that really needs done.

Or is that just the way parenthood - especially SINGLE parenthood - goes? I think that being a parent - whether single, with a partner, working, staying at home, etc... it's all hard. The hardest job one will ever have. And it is one of the most under-appreciated or under-recognized jobs that a person can have. The kids and I are always relieved when the weekends come and there doesn't seem to be quite as much to do, yet we never seem to have that down-time that we need and want. :sigh:

I don't know about you, but my days are definitely not long enough, my weeks are too long and my weekends are just too short!

Randomly ranting, but living in light and love in 2014!

Confusion of the Heart

I don't know about the rest of you, but I know that I get awfully confused whenever I am in a relationship and things aren't going so smoothly. My most recent relationship has been an on-again, off-again roller coaster for almost three years. I know "G" and I love each other, I know we could work things out if we were both willing to try to compromise and really work at it.

But, sometimes it really is and ISN'T that simple. I think "G" and I are back "on" again at this point. I'm hoping, with a little bit of time and some effort, that we can really make a "go" of things this time. I know that my mind is saying that, logically, this shouldn't and couldn't possibly work. My heart, however, says that it can and that it just might this time. You just simply never know what direction things will go. Which is where my confusion lies.

So what do you do when one is confused about matters of the heart? The best suggestion that I can make for myself - or anyone else - is to simply take things one day at a time, one step at a time. Don't think negatively and don't expect too much of yourself or the other person - that type of expectation demands that someone be perfect. If you yourself are not perfect, how can you expect or demand perfection from your significant other?

When it comes to relationship - complicated or not - it's best to simply give you and your partner both room to grow, assess things, know what you and he/she wants and if there is doubt, give it time and don't place pressure on yourself or the other person. Somehow, I think that "G" and I are gonna be okay, whether we manage to work things out or not.

Hopefully, this new year is bringing you love - in the right way - and all of the happiness you and your significant other can handle! Living in light and love, for 2014!

Just That Time of Year...

Well, I suppose it's just that time of year. Since right before Christmas, my kids have had Strep, a random cold and now another virus that mimics the flu. I guess it's normal for this time of year, especially when one has children of various ages and they attend public school. With so many little ones in the house, it's no surprise that we all get sick at once or one right after the other.

I think the best advice anyone can give another parent during this time of year is this: Make sure you and your kids get adequate amounts of sleep, make sure you stay well-hydrated and eat less junk food. Dress weather-appropriately and avoid spending too much time in extremes of temperature one way or another.

And, of course, make sure you wash your hands frequently with soap and water and keep your bed linens and towels washed and clean. Throw away toothbrushes after each illness and replace them to prevent likelihood of reinfection. Also, try to avoid eating or drinking after one another.

We're gonna get over this sickness this go round, and then hopefully we can avoid anymore for the rest of this season!

Here's to a healthier 2014, living in light and love! 

Coming to Acceptance

I know that there are truly very few things in life that we can control. For many of us though, we tend to try to control almost everything or feel the need to. Sometimes, we feel the need to try to control others in our lives or control their actions. Here's a tidbit of information that I've just recently learned - you can't control another person and their actions, all you can control is yourself and your own actions or reactions.

Coming to acceptance about the fact that I cannot control as many things as I'd like, however, is another story. It has been no easy task to accept that I'm not in charge of things, especially because I tend to be a bit bossy and perhaps even a bit of a control freak. However, slowly, with time - and a lot of frustration and pain - I am coming to realize that I can't control a large part of what happens around me.

I can't MAKE things happen the way I want them to all the time, all I can do is keep moving towards a positive goal and take one step at a time until I finally achieve it. This means that, to some degree, I have to occasionally give up that control that I so desperately feel the need to have and let things fall into place as I walk the path I know I need to be on.

I may not be able to control everything that happens or how it happens or the results, but as long as I'm moving in a positive direction when things happen, I won't find myself getting so derailed that I can't get back on track. So, there's my acceptance. I am accepting that I can move myself any direction I want or need to, but there are going to be obstacles in my path or events that seem to be discouraging me.

Accepting that things happen, and often for a reason, is a good way to stay on track and accept that I cannot control everything. I accept things in my life that are both positive and negative, because each person, place, event, etc - has a lesson to teach me and there is something that I can learn. Life is all about learning from our experiences to become the person we are meant to be, why not accept those lessons with grace and patience?

Living in Light and Love in 2014!

Forgiveness and Moving Forward

When it comes to past hurts and anger, it's very difficult to forgive and let it go. I think that many times, when we are struggling with trying to forgive someone else, we often are so caught up in our anger or hurt feelings that we then feel guilty for feeling angry or hurt, so we end up sabotaging our attempts at forgiving the other person.

I think that sometimes too, when someone has hurt or offended us, sometimes their actions are a reaction to our own actions. And then, when we are struggling to forgive them for their offense, we can't do it unless we have acknowledged where we have wronged them as well.

I don't know if true forgiveness is always possible. Sometimes the hurt or anger is so deep, it can seem impossible to let the offense go. But, if we are to love others and ourselves and to move past the hurt and anger, forgiveness is an important step. I am not suggesting that one should blindly forgive and forget. But forgiveness is a big part of moving forward, even if you are aware that you should proceed with caution in trusting the person again.

But this much I do know - If we are to successfully forgive another person and move forward, we first have to be able to forgive ourselves. We may need to forgive ourselves for causing hurt feelings to another or for being inconsiderate of their feelings, we may need to forgive our initial reaction to another's actions that caused them pain on top of the pain we caused us. If we really want to forgive another and move forward, we need to remember to turn the forgiveness inward as well.

And once we've given forgiveness, then the offense needs to be truly forgiven. This means that we can't keep dwelling on the action or reaction that caused pain or anger, we need to move past it and not keep throwing the incident up in the other's face or holding it over their heads. The point of forgiveness is to acknowledge the hurt or upset that something or someone has caused and then to move past it and try to repair the relationship. 

What-Ifs and Memories

So, I'm sitting here tonight, pondering life and relationships. Thinking back to my marriages and the almost-3-year relationship that just ended. I don't know that my marriages really should have ever happened in the first place, but I have 7 wonderful children as a result, so I wouldn't go back and change those marriages if I could. But the most recently ended relationship. Wow. I don't know that I would go back and undo it, because I learned so much about love and relationships with "G." But I also learned that love is a really scary thing, which is funny, because I don't think I truly learned that during my marriages.

To love - and be loved - is to bare your heart and soul to another human being, to make yourself fully vulnerable to them and hope that neither person gets hurt. That's scary. Some people are incapable of doing this, which means they protect themselves from hurt, but they also never experience the true joy of love and vulnerability with another person. To let another person into your heart and soul requires the ability to be vulnerable and risk getting hurt, but it also requires a great deal of courage and strength. And if you do, by some chance, happen to get hurt in the process, where do you go from there? That, my friends, is the ultimate question.

Do you give love another chance when you've been hurt or have hurt the other? Do you try again with that person? Or do you simply move on and perhaps at a later date, try to love again with someone else? In this instance, I think both of us simply got too tired to keep trying. But I feel no desire or urge to try again with another. Having had love that was like no other and knowing that I would probably always compare someone else to "G," it's probably best if I don't even consider another relationship. I know my heart and know that it's gonna take a long time - if ever - to get over this one.

It's really sad when you meet someone, you know that simply by meeting them, your life will never be the same, YOU will never be the same, and it's equally sad to know that for - whatever reasons there may be - you can't spend your life with them like you'd hoped, so you have to find a way to move on and let them go. Yes, love is beautiful and love is awesome, but love can hurt, very deeply. Sometimes cause damage that is irreparable. So, find the beauty and awesomeness in your experiences with love, enjoy the joy, find hope in love and hold onto that beauty, joy and hope if something happens and love goes wrong. It will get you through the pain.

Memories are there, both good and bad. I wonder about what-ifs and wonder if things could have been different "if only." For two letters, the word "if" sure carries a lot of weight. I don't know if anything I have written makes sense. With so many memories swirling through my mind tonight, it's no wonder that I am writing a bit of a "downer" for this blog post. Ah, so be it. Tomorrow is another day and a new beginning.

Here's to life, love, beginnings and endings and living with light and love in 2014. 

Book Update #3

Well, after a very stressful semester with school and struggling to juggle kids, home, schoolwork and writing, I didn't get nearly as much accomplished on either of my manuscripts as I would have liked. I've discovered something important - writing a book is no easy task! And I was very unrealistic to have set some of the goals I have for getting my books published.

That being said, even my blog posts have suffered. I would begin them, save the drafts and then simply forget to go back and edit and publish. SO. First things first. I might have my first book published sometime in March 2014. The other one is nowhere close to finished, so it will simply have to wait. I think a more realistic goal is to simply maintain my grades in school this semester and to make sure I write at least two blog posts per week and perhaps try for publishing on each of the writing sites I write for at least once a week.

In the meantime, working on a chapter a week for each book is probably a bit more of a realistic goal. I will let you all know how that works out. As you all know, sometimes, life gets in the way of life, despite our best intentions. 

Endings and Beginnings

So, after almost 3 years, my most recent relationship has ended. I wasn't really surprised. It was a crazy, up and down kind of relationship. I think I'm most surprised that it lasted as long as it did. This relationship was one of those insane, feel-an-instant-connection, dive head-first into it kind of relationships. One that seemed OH so perfect and wrong all at the same time.

But, sometimes, even when all of the emotions are right and the commitment is there, a relationship simply can't withstand the pressures of life and it can't continue. When you have two people who are not only complete opposites, but also at completely different points in their lives, it is almost impossible for the relationship to succeed.

In the end, in a situation like this, sometimes the only way to go is down, or, more dramatically, the relationship collides straight into a brick wall. I think that's what happened here. In the end, there was no room for compromise on either side and neither of us could see where the other was coming from. Our individual goals were nowhere near one another's and we simply couldn't continue as we had been without compromise. In  the end, there was no compromise made.

I am saddened by this and I will miss him terribly. I really and truly had thought we had a chance at a future together. And while I don't really understand why things ended the way they did and why we couldn't work it out, I know that, perhaps, it just isn't the right time for me to be in a relationship. If I had one word to describe this man and what he means to me, it would be, HOPE. Through meeting him, loving him and being loved by him, I felt hope through most of it.

To me, this relationship brought hope at true happiness, real love and a life with a supportive significant other. I can never thank him enough for all that my relationship with him has taught me - through the good and bad, it taught me that we ALL deserve to be loved, we ALL deserve to be an equal partner in a relationship and to HAVE an equal partner, I learned that fear has no place in our lives and I learned that the only way to make a relationship work is through give and take and compromise.

So, while my relationship with him has come to an end, I know that it is another step in my own personal journey and I know that every story eventually comes to an end, but it's our job to write a GOOD story, rather than a BAD one. I take from this relationship hope and faith in love again and know that there is a time and place for everything in one's life, and that sometimes, it's simply not the right time.

I take the positives from this relationship and leave the negativity. I take with me the knowledge and feeling that I loved and was loved, even if it was only for a little while. I have hope that I might have that again someday, when the time is right. And I also know that people enter our lives for a reason and they leave our lives for a reason. Sometimes paths cross again and sometimes they don't.

Here's to endings and beginnings in 2014!

How Much is Too Much?

As a parent, there is often a dilemma of how much to tell your kids about things or what to tell them or not tell them. The hardest thing a parent will ever do is to tell their child the truth about a difficult subject. I am a major supporter of being honest with your children. There is absolutely no excuse to EVER lie to your child, even if you believe you might be protecting them.

The thing is, children are very sensitive and they seem to have bull-shit meter that picks up on EVERYTHING. If you lie to your children, they will know. They will also feel that because you lied to them, they cannot trust you. If you lie to your children, you are teaching them that it is okay to be dishonest, and that a lie is better than the truth to attempt to preserve someone's feelings.

All of that being said, when you are telling your child about something, a situation, etc... it is important to tell them in such a way that makes it easier for them to understand, make sure you leave an open dialogue so that they can ask questions, express their feelings on the issue and make sure you do not give them biased information.

Talking to your kids is difficult, especially if it's a matter concerning life and death, morality, interpersonal relationships, etc. If you and Grandma have a falling out and your child wants to know why Grandma isn't around much anymore, be sure you don't paint Grandma as an evil entity or the devil herself. Simply explain to your child that there is a disagreement between you and Grandma and that sometimes people distance themselves when there is a disagreement, but that it doesn't mean that Grandma loves the child any less.

See how simple you can make it? Be diplomatic, while telling the truth and don't put harmful ideas in your child's head. Children are pretty resilient and they have a large capacity for understanding, it's just important to remember that they are NOT miniature adults and that they are not always ready for certain information.

A Life, Interrupted.

Have you ever felt like an event in your life has so totally derailed things that your life has actually been interrupted and basically suspended, indefinitely? I have had this occur a few times in my life and have discovered something - I don't care for it much at all. I think that sometimes, these interruptions, so to speak, can be external events, internal events, relationships beginning or ending or just about anything that causes emotional trauma.

So what does one do, when they are living a life interrupted? The first thing to do is to realize that your circumstances do not define who you are. Relationships do not define who you are. Events in your past or present do not define who you are as a person. You can live your life despite your past or even present, as long as you remember that this interruption, or suspension, is never permanent. As long as you do not allow the interruption to paralyze you into inaction, you can, indeed, pick up and move through life again.

A life interrupted is difficult. Sometimes we are waiting on a certain event or waiting on circumstances to change, before we are able to begin picking up pieces and continue moving on. This is difficult to do - waiting is often a stressful task and it can seem to drag on forever. So, while you're waiting, find something positive and productive to focus on and do. For some of us, this can mean writing a blog, keeping a journal to track progress or feelings, learn a new hobby or skill or volunteer to help others.

Any positive changes in your life are steps you are taking to end the interruption that has occurred. Meet each obstacle head-on and keep moving, even when it feels as though your progress has been slowed or come to a halt. You might eventually come to realize that even when you thought things were stopped, you actually moved forward without realizing it. And meeting a negative event or emotion in your life with a positive and determined attitude will cancel out the negativity and open up your options, clear your mind and heal your heart.

Here's to living an uninterrupted and positive 2014!

3 Days into The New Year...

So, we're three days into 2014. How's your year starting out?

My new year is starting out rather oddly. I have a feeling that I am coming up on some major decisions about some personal relationships, which I am a little nervous about. I am also getting ready to start a new semester in college - since each semester has become progressively harder, I know that this one will be no less challenging. I am going to really need to watch myself for the time being and make it a point not to let the negativity and difficulties get to me.

As I've said at various points in my life, and now, as a reminder to myself and all of you out there reading this: "I am stronger than my challenges and struggles. I will not let negativity win. I am not my past." This goes for everyone.

Keep on living in light and love for 2014!

A New Year: New Goals and Another Chance

Another year has passed us by... we have left 2013 behind and entered 2014. The new year always brings with it, hopes for change and we often set goals, or "resolutions." We are two days into the new year, and I have yet to actually finish my "resolutions." Why are those resolutions so important?

If we were all honest, most of us don't actually end up following through with those resolutions and we end up feeling a great sense of failure about it. So, one might ask, what's the point? Why bother setting goals for one's self if one isn't going to even bother to meet those goals?

All of us have the desire to change something in our lives, even if it's not something major, perhaps a bad habit, a minor organizational issue, etc.. We always seem to feel the urge to make "resolutions" at the beginning of a new year to change these things.

The problem is, making a "Resolution" can seem like a "do or die" affair and we tend to push ourselves harder than necessary or we simply give up when we decide it feels too difficult. How about making those resolutions easier to keep? What if, we simply don't call them resolutions? How about setting smaller goals, marking them off as we reach them, and then aiming for an ultimate large goal, rather than trying to do it all at once and frustrating and discouraging ourselves?

Each day is another chance to get life right, each year is another opportunity to make our life what we want it. Are we simply struggling and trying too hard to "get it right?" Or are we taking each day, week, month and year as it comes, moving in the right direction, but not pressuring ourselves while we take the time to savor the good, learn from our experiences and make happy memories as well?

I leave you with this. In 2014, make your life your own. Don't worry about all you may not achieve. Instead, worry about making your positive mark on this world, learning from your experiences and enjoying life while you move towards your ultimate goals. A new day will begin tomorrow, and you will have another chance to get things right.

Here's to a positive 2014!

Welcome, 2014!!!

Well, out with the old, in with the new. Another new year begins. With it, the hope that this year will be better than the last. Welcome, my new friend, 2014. I don't know about the rest of you, but I'm VERY excited to start a new year. To me, each new DAY is another chance to get life right. Life isn't easy, we struggle through daily and each of us much find our own path and make the choices that are right for us.

I know I am not perfect, my life isn't perfect. If I were completely honest, I feel like I fail at life and doing the things I need to do a large portion of the time. I know that sounds like a "downer," but it's simply honesty. And I think if most people were more honest, we'd all be more willing to admit that we are flawed and imperfect, that we struggle with SOMETHING on a day to day basis. What does all of this have to do with the New Year?

Well, this year, I am hoping to find the sense of balance and find my organizational skills, both things that I feel have eluded me all of my life. I am going to focus more on living in the here and now, while also making changes one tiny step at a time, to keep myself and my children on track, and I am going to go after the things I want for myself and my children.

So, welcome to 2014. Come on in, 2014, you are welcome here, because this is a new day, week, month and year. This is the first day of the rest of my life and I'm going to get this right, one way or another.
To all of you out there struggling, feeling lost, you are not alone. Most of us, if we're honest, feel that way at times, keep jumping right back in and make your life your own. Now is the time. Get started. A new year, a new beginning!