I ran a Yahoo Group for many years, with many difficulties over the years. Some of it was stuff simply between members, other stuff was between admins and myself. Over time, the group simply fizzled out, especially as it couldn't take the pressure of issues I myself (as the group owner and primary admin) was having and disputes about the group and focus of the group.
I see here, a great group with a potential to be a completely awesome place for support for everyone. What troubles me is the seeming discord between admins and former admins, not simply about how much one should pull their own weight or what each one should do, but also about the purpose or goal of the group.
To me, a place of support, is just that. A place of support. Where, members support one another through common issues and realize that they are not alone. I may have this entirely wrong or my memory might be off, but I don't remember during my time running my Yahoo groups ever expecting an admin to be there at all times, sometimes, this just isn't humanly possible. This is where the other members of the group step in and support one another. Again, just my two-cents, for whatever that may be worth.
If someone is having such serious issues that they are considering taking their own life, that is really scary and perfectly understandable why people would want someone to be available at all times. And while this is a wonderful idea and I fully support it, there are simply times where it isn't going to be possible.. This is why links to the Suicide Hotline and other resources are posted frequently and prominently in any support group (online and offline), because it is almost impossible to always be there for someone. This puts an insane amount of pressure on everyone to try to "be there" for everyone else and to be supportive - but it can cause a lot of stress and un-necessary discord. At the end of the day, we are all human beings.
The responsibility of preventing someone from committing suicide is no one else's but the individual considering it. All anyone can do is try to talk someone out of it, contact the necessary emergency resources to seek help for themselves or another suicidal person and keep talking to the person. But, IF, god forbid, someone actually does it, there usually is no blame to be placed on those who are left behind. Too many times, I've seen large amounts of guilt in survivors of suicide, thinking that if they'd said something more or done something more, then it wouldn't have happened. That kind of thinking scares me, because it's a very unhealthy form of self-blame and places a lot of responsibility on someone's shoulders - that is the type of thinking that can destroy a person mentally and emotionally.
While running a support group and being part of a support group requires a certain amount of give and take, we all have lives outside of whatever group we are in - this doesn't just include support groups, this can include hobby groups, clubs, etc. I find it admirable that everyone would like to consider the group a job, if not in the literal sense, but as a responsibility, It is unfair to everyone - including one's self - to place that kind of pressure on ourselves and others.
What I would like to see from a support group is to see all members be there for one another as much as they can, with minimal issue between admins or other members of the group. I would like to see a fully supportive environment for everyone, while remembering at the end of the day, that we are all human beings and that we are all here for the same reason.
I've learned a lot in the years since I initially began my first Yahoo group for depression support. And I've learned one thing - depression, bipolar, all those other issues, they're VERY REAL. Those issues are not in my head or yours, and it's wonderful to have a supportive place to be without all the drama or discord that tends to already be in our individual personal lives, within our families, etc. I remember a time when I was way too harsh with others for their seeming "drama" or "failures" and forgot that they were also human beings with the same issues that I had, which was why we were all there.
Recently, after a 3 year seperation and a divorce that has dragged on way too long, finding myself a single parent, ending a relationship of almost 3 years and trying to go to school fulltime, along with dealing with my children and each of their individual issues, I have found myself at the lowest point I have **EVER** been at. It's a scary and very lonely place to be..... a place I only THOUGHT I had been and understood before this.
During a time when we should be supporting one another and trying to be there for each other, while getting support for our own issues, this is not the time to be having discord or disputes. My heart hurts to see this, because we are all human beings with real thoughts, feelings and emotions - fighting some of the very same demons and probably all feeling a little alone even when someone else is there.
