Fairytale Endings

When I was a little girl, I believed in fairy tales and happily ever after. I suppose, most of the time, that little girls are taught from a young age to believe in their knight in shining armor on a white horse coming to sweep them off their feet and then live happily ever after. After all, isn't that the stereotypical fairy tale? 

The problem lies in the fact that fairy tales, at least the Disney version, don't really exist.  So, women grow to become disillusioned, while still searching for their happily ever after.... often in the form of their knight in shining armor. But what happens when they don't show up?

For years, I believed in the fairy tale ending and kept thinking that if I were just with the right man, it would become easy, that I'd find my happily ever after... and my knight would come rescue me.  After 3 failed marriages and a couple of dating relationships gone badly, I'm now a single mom with a lot of stress and a lot of happiness in my life. Don't get me wrong,  I'm not happy to be a single mom. I don't enjoy stress. But I have 8 beautiful children (which I co-parent with their fathers) and another on the way.  Two of those children are girls. The rest are boys. 

Here's the deal... maybe it's not time for me to be in a relationship, maybe it will never be time for that,  maybe I haven't met the right person. .. who knows? What I want my daughters to know is that you have to make your life yourself. Don't wait on or rely on a man to fix it or save you.  Make your happiness for yourself and don't believe that you can't be happy without a man. 

What I want my sons to know is that you don't have to ride in and rescue any woman... that's not your job. All of my children, I want to learn the value of loving themselves, respecting themselves and others, learn the art of communicating and know what you bring to the table in relationships (or life in general) and don't settle or blur your own boundaries just to be with someone. Be a whole you, so you can be a whole equal partner when the time is right.

#life #love #relationships #self #peace

Living Authentically

Are we true to ourselves, our hopes, our dreams? Do we live within our proclaimed values and morals? Do we feel like we can be our true selves or do we feel the need to wear a mask or to be someone we are not? A life lived in disguise, lived based on what others think we should do, is a life wasted.

I wish someone had told me that years ago, instead of learning it the hard way.

For too many years, I lived within the ideals of what I believed was best, simply because it was what everyone expected of me. I attempted to hide my true self and attempted to avoid confrontation or doing anything to "rock the boat" in attempts to make others happy. I found myself hiding my true thoughts, feelings, beliefs and ideas. I wore a mask that I never took off, even with those who were supposed to be closest to me.

That's absolutely no way to live.

I found that in trying to please others, I pleased no one and I made myself absolutely miserable. It's like I kept waiting for permission to be myself, for permission to pursue my interests, kept waiting on something to change so that I could be happy or be myself. And then I discovered, I was absolutely miserable, I was unhappy and I had the power all along to change my life and be happy. I found out that it's completely okay to be myself.

What an amazing discovery! I can be myself and if there is someone who doesn't approve or like it, then it's their problem and they don't belong in my life. I can live my life as myself, live for each moment, be happy and be at peace. This is what I call living authentically. I can be truly myself and be true to my beliefs and reach for my goals. I think it is much better to live this way, leaving no room for negativity and naysayers, than to live behind a mask, locked in an invisible box and feeling trapped.

It's an amazing freedom to be yourself and live your life authentically. I encourage anyone to try it. Find your true self, live as your true self, live authentically... and find the happiness that you deserve.

How Much is Too Much?

As a parent, there is often a dilemma of how much to tell your kids about things or what to tell them or not tell them. The hardest thing a parent will ever do is to tell their child the truth about a difficult subject. I am a major supporter of being honest with your children. There is absolutely no excuse to EVER lie to your child, even if you believe you might be protecting them.

The thing is, children are very sensitive and they seem to have bull-shit meter that picks up on EVERYTHING. If you lie to your children, they will know. They will also feel that because you lied to them, they cannot trust you. If you lie to your children, you are teaching them that it is okay to be dishonest, and that a lie is better than the truth to attempt to preserve someone's feelings.

All of that being said, when you are telling your child about something, a situation, etc... it is important to tell them in such a way that makes it easier for them to understand, make sure you leave an open dialogue so that they can ask questions, express their feelings on the issue and make sure you do not give them biased information.

Talking to your kids is difficult, especially if it's a matter concerning life and death, morality, interpersonal relationships, etc. If you and Grandma have a falling out and your child wants to know why Grandma isn't around much anymore, be sure you don't paint Grandma as an evil entity or the devil herself. Simply explain to your child that there is a disagreement between you and Grandma and that sometimes people distance themselves when there is a disagreement, but that it doesn't mean that Grandma loves the child any less.

See how simple you can make it? Be diplomatic, while telling the truth and don't put harmful ideas in your child's head. Children are pretty resilient and they have a large capacity for understanding, it's just important to remember that they are NOT miniature adults and that they are not always ready for certain information.