Long-neglected Blog, Long-neglected Me?

I have had a really difficult time over the past year; mentally, physically, emotionally, financially. It’s been a rollercoaster of seemingly limitless insanity and a bunch of bright moments scattered within a dark forest full of danger. Perhaps I exaggerate, perhaps not. 

I had two surgeries within a year - one, seemingly minor, simply getting four broken teeth removed (except it affected a lot more than those four broken teeth and further impacted my ability to eat properly) and then my hysterectomy almost six months ago. A physically and mentally difficult ordeal, I got infections in my incisions, I had so much pain it was unreal and I found myself struggling to do anything physically, found myself completely exhausted with minimal stamina for much of anything. 

I didn’t take the seriousness of my hysterectomy into consideration. I chose to remain blissfully unaware of the physical repercussions of having a major surgery where a part of one’s body is removed. And from an area of one’s body that is connected to physical strength in pretty much every other area of the body. 

It was a shock to me whenever my body didn’t “bounce back” as quickly as I wanted or expected it to, I didn’t seem to consider that I had never actually been through anything like that. I lost my mind, or whatever I had left of it - pushing myself to try harder, to do more, to try even harder. I found myself hurt and/or sick multiple times because I would push and push at myself and then stress myself out. I placed unrealistic expectations on myself and then pushed myself hard to attempt to live up to those expectations, before I finally realized that I don’t have to push myself so hard or push so fast. I can still take the time to take care of myself as I keep making progress, but that progress doesn’t have to happen overnight. 

As long as I am trying and making progress, it’s okay to slow down once in awhile and it’s okay to take care of myself. I can’t get to the destination if I burn out along the way, and the journey is part of the destination.

It’s okay to be tired. It’s okay to say “not today” or “I’m not doing this right now.” I have given myself permission to rest and take care of me. As a result, I’m no longer stressed out all the time, I am feeling better physically, my emotions aren’t all over the place.. I’m doing okay now. 

Equally important - don’t overthink it, sometimes there doesn’t have to be a reason or a why. Sometimes things are just the way they are and you must do what you need to do, which is to take care of you too. 

Here are the things that people won’t remind you to do; 

Stop and breath. 

Make sure to get sleep.

Eat properly. 

Take time to process things as needed.

Don’t be afraid to say “I don’t know.” 

You don’t have to agree to anything you do not want to.

Don’t place unreasonable expectations on yourself or allow anyone else to.

Healing happens at all levels and stages, don’t minimize your progress. 

Take care of yourself before you take care of everyone else. 

Self-care isn’t selfish, it’s a necessity.

Depression's Firm Grip

Depression is a debilitating disease. It is a constant way of living, which isn't even living, for those who suffer from it. When you have depression - in any shape or form - regardless of the cause, it can make life almost impossible to deal with or cope. A person suffering from depression is unable to deal with basic situations or basic emotions. If you are dealing with depression, it can feel much like an invisible hand is squeezing the life out of you, as if you are stuck under a boulder and can't get out from under it.

There's no real way to fully describe just how deeply depression affects someone to another person who has never dealt with depression. To a person who has never dealt with depression, someone with depression can seem "weak" or it can be difficult to understand why the depressed individual simply doesn't "snap out of it." This is where education when it comes to mental health issues is so important. Even if you do not suffer from depression, it is important that everyone educates themselves about depression, symptoms of depression and also how to deal with someone who is trying to live with depression.

Depression is a fact of life. Chances are, even if you, a close loved on or a friend doesn't have depression, you are likely to encounter someone in your life who has depression - a coworker, casual acquaintance, etc. It can be important to be empathetic and to keep an open mind when dealing with people. The friendliest and seemingly happiest people can be depressed. To an individual who is depressed, those who are not depressed can seem distant. A depressed person will feel like they are breathing water and drowning while others are living life and breathing air.

If you or someone you love is dealing with depression, it's important to pay attention to warning signs, seek help and educate yourself about depression, symptoms of depression and how to manage and treat depression. If you are depressed, you need to find a support system - find people to talk to, find ways to manage it and keep going. If you know someone who is depressed, educate yourself and help provide a support system for them.

Living with depression isn't easy, but it can be done. Life is too short to be miserable. If you're depressed, find ways to focus on the light and keep moving towards it. If you know someone who is depressed, help them find the light, move towards it, if necessary, be the light for someone else until they can find it again.