Rough Beginnings to 2015

As 2015 gets off to a start, it's already shaping up to be a rocky few months... here's my thought process right now.

Men, if you don't want kids or to be a father, wrap up your "toy." You don't earn man points or respect simply because you can impregnate someone or have multiple kids by different women. A real MAN will help support his children financially and will be involved in his children's lives.

I never wanted to be a single parent. It's really difficult to try to be in the role of both mom AND dad. But, I do my best. At the end of the day, my kids will respect that and appreciate it. I will teach my daughters to be self sufficient and to depend on only themselves, don't expect or trust a man to do it for you. I will teach ALL of my children the importance of financial and relationship stability before having children. And I will teach my sons to be decent men, to know the importance of truth and monogamy... and for pete's sake, not to be assholes!

There you have it. I didn't want or ask to be a single Mom... BUT, I have this handled and I will takr care of my kids. I will be Mom and Dad both. So, carry on, everyone... just thought I'd throw that out there! ‪#‎igotthis‬ ‪#‎singlemom‬‪#‎deadbeats‬ ‪#‎lovemykids‬

Roll With The Changes

Life is funny. One minute you're on the straight and narrow path and you've got a plan, the next you've come upon a giant tree in the road and one side of the road has a cliff on it and the other is water. So what do you do then? Jump off in the water and hope you can swim? Do you dive off the cliff and hope you magically learn how to fly? Or do you try to find a way to go over that tree in the road?

What if I told you that, sometimes, it's a combination of the three? Sometimes you have to swim, sometimes you have to fly... other times you have to figure out a way over or through your obstacles. Life is full of changes. Indeed, in a single moment, things can change in the blink of an eye and it can seem that all of your well-made plans evaporate right before your eyes.

It's really easy to get discouraged and frustrated when things happen to mess up your plans, especially when it seems like you'll never get out from underneath the current crisis or stress. It's easy to tell someone else to "keep your chin up" or "don't give up hope," but it's quite another to take that advice to heart when it's you that's facing changes and uncertainty. But, sometimes the best way to get through something is to take your own advice, even if you have to fake it until you make it.

Nothing in life, not even bad circumstances or stress, is permanent. Things change so quickly, it's amazing how quickly we get ourselves worked up and stressed out... if only we'd be patient and see that something new and better is right around the corner, as long as we stay receptive to it and move with the changes. To get through change, sometimes you just gotta roll with it and keep holding on to hope and faith. Barring your own death, there's nothing in life so absolutely terrible that you can't find some way to get through it.

So, I suggest you get out there, work on climbing over that tree, jump off that cliff and fly or jump in the water and swim. Just keep going. There's always something good around the corner. 

One Year After the Tornado

Well, it's been a year since our world was turned upside down and life as we knew it ended. I can think of nothing in my life that has affected me or my family as drastically as the May 20th, 2013 tornado in Moore, Oklahoma. In a single instant, due to circumstances beyond our control and a natural disaster, our way of living was destroyed and our city was destroyed.

The outpouring of love, support and emergency efforts from not just our home state, but our country and even the world was amazing. It was awesome to see that there were so many people out there who cared about us and others who lost their homes and way of life. Those emergency support efforts were very much appreciated, not just by us, but by everyone affected by the tornado.

While my children and I didn't lose our home specifically, we lost almost everything inside, our vehicle was ruined, and the kids' school was demolished. My children lost classmates and friends, which has proven to be devastating. Due to the tornado making our home unlivable due to water damage and wind damage, we have relocated from Moore to Oklahoma City and then, finally, to Edmond, Oklahoma.

It has been a year of adjusting and healing. I know we're not completely there and I know we have a long way to go, but we are slowly finding our way and we are finding some semblance of normal again. We continue to keep all of the victims in our thoughts and prayers and we continue to hold hope for the full healing and recovery of Moore and those affected.

I feel like my kids and I were blessed and lucky beyond belief, and we have a chance to live our lives fully and with light and love. When you go through something traumatic and devastating, it's important to realize that you need to live life to the fullest and to take every chance you can to enjoy life.

Finding joy in the smallest things and choosing to make each moment count is the most important thing anyone can do. Going through something terrible and fearing for your life is one way to ensure that you don't waste your life. So, a year after May 20th, I am thrilled to be alive and I am so thankful to be given the chance to live life to it's fullest.

Forgiveness and Moving Forward

When it comes to past hurts and anger, it's very difficult to forgive and let it go. I think that many times, when we are struggling with trying to forgive someone else, we often are so caught up in our anger or hurt feelings that we then feel guilty for feeling angry or hurt, so we end up sabotaging our attempts at forgiving the other person.

I think that sometimes too, when someone has hurt or offended us, sometimes their actions are a reaction to our own actions. And then, when we are struggling to forgive them for their offense, we can't do it unless we have acknowledged where we have wronged them as well.

I don't know if true forgiveness is always possible. Sometimes the hurt or anger is so deep, it can seem impossible to let the offense go. But, if we are to love others and ourselves and to move past the hurt and anger, forgiveness is an important step. I am not suggesting that one should blindly forgive and forget. But forgiveness is a big part of moving forward, even if you are aware that you should proceed with caution in trusting the person again.

But this much I do know - If we are to successfully forgive another person and move forward, we first have to be able to forgive ourselves. We may need to forgive ourselves for causing hurt feelings to another or for being inconsiderate of their feelings, we may need to forgive our initial reaction to another's actions that caused them pain on top of the pain we caused us. If we really want to forgive another and move forward, we need to remember to turn the forgiveness inward as well.

And once we've given forgiveness, then the offense needs to be truly forgiven. This means that we can't keep dwelling on the action or reaction that caused pain or anger, we need to move past it and not keep throwing the incident up in the other's face or holding it over their heads. The point of forgiveness is to acknowledge the hurt or upset that something or someone has caused and then to move past it and try to repair the relationship. 

A Life, Interrupted.

Have you ever felt like an event in your life has so totally derailed things that your life has actually been interrupted and basically suspended, indefinitely? I have had this occur a few times in my life and have discovered something - I don't care for it much at all. I think that sometimes, these interruptions, so to speak, can be external events, internal events, relationships beginning or ending or just about anything that causes emotional trauma.

So what does one do, when they are living a life interrupted? The first thing to do is to realize that your circumstances do not define who you are. Relationships do not define who you are. Events in your past or present do not define who you are as a person. You can live your life despite your past or even present, as long as you remember that this interruption, or suspension, is never permanent. As long as you do not allow the interruption to paralyze you into inaction, you can, indeed, pick up and move through life again.

A life interrupted is difficult. Sometimes we are waiting on a certain event or waiting on circumstances to change, before we are able to begin picking up pieces and continue moving on. This is difficult to do - waiting is often a stressful task and it can seem to drag on forever. So, while you're waiting, find something positive and productive to focus on and do. For some of us, this can mean writing a blog, keeping a journal to track progress or feelings, learn a new hobby or skill or volunteer to help others.

Any positive changes in your life are steps you are taking to end the interruption that has occurred. Meet each obstacle head-on and keep moving, even when it feels as though your progress has been slowed or come to a halt. You might eventually come to realize that even when you thought things were stopped, you actually moved forward without realizing it. And meeting a negative event or emotion in your life with a positive and determined attitude will cancel out the negativity and open up your options, clear your mind and heal your heart.

Here's to living an uninterrupted and positive 2014!

3 Days into The New Year...

So, we're three days into 2014. How's your year starting out?

My new year is starting out rather oddly. I have a feeling that I am coming up on some major decisions about some personal relationships, which I am a little nervous about. I am also getting ready to start a new semester in college - since each semester has become progressively harder, I know that this one will be no less challenging. I am going to really need to watch myself for the time being and make it a point not to let the negativity and difficulties get to me.

As I've said at various points in my life, and now, as a reminder to myself and all of you out there reading this: "I am stronger than my challenges and struggles. I will not let negativity win. I am not my past." This goes for everyone.

Keep on living in light and love for 2014!

Welcome, 2014!!!

Well, out with the old, in with the new. Another new year begins. With it, the hope that this year will be better than the last. Welcome, my new friend, 2014. I don't know about the rest of you, but I'm VERY excited to start a new year. To me, each new DAY is another chance to get life right. Life isn't easy, we struggle through daily and each of us much find our own path and make the choices that are right for us.

I know I am not perfect, my life isn't perfect. If I were completely honest, I feel like I fail at life and doing the things I need to do a large portion of the time. I know that sounds like a "downer," but it's simply honesty. And I think if most people were more honest, we'd all be more willing to admit that we are flawed and imperfect, that we struggle with SOMETHING on a day to day basis. What does all of this have to do with the New Year?

Well, this year, I am hoping to find the sense of balance and find my organizational skills, both things that I feel have eluded me all of my life. I am going to focus more on living in the here and now, while also making changes one tiny step at a time, to keep myself and my children on track, and I am going to go after the things I want for myself and my children.

So, welcome to 2014. Come on in, 2014, you are welcome here, because this is a new day, week, month and year. This is the first day of the rest of my life and I'm going to get this right, one way or another.
To all of you out there struggling, feeling lost, you are not alone. Most of us, if we're honest, feel that way at times, keep jumping right back in and make your life your own. Now is the time. Get started. A new year, a new beginning!

Finding Hope Within Darkness

  Anyone who has gone through a traumatic event personally knows that finding hope within these events can seem almost impossible. We might even, in the aftermath of trauma, find ourselves resenting those who seem "cheerful" and upbeat. It might seem ludicrous for someone to suggest that we find hope in something that has seemingly ripped our lives apart.

   For me personally, I know that finding hope in darkness can be extremely difficult. I have found myself in the position of resenting those who attempt to offer comfort or support in the form of hope.

   During times of crisis, it can be very easy to turn a blind eye to anything even remotely close to positive or hopeful, it is almost automatic to become jealous of those who seemingly are better off than we are. In the aftermath of the May 20th, 2013 Tornado that ripped Moore, Oklahoma apart, I saw this first-hand. I even -gasp!- felt some of those same emotions myself.

   This is the point where it becomes important to have a positive perspective on reality and keep gauging your own emotions and reactions. I found myself becoming resentful of those who were trying to help, found myself resentful of those who hadn't lost as much as I had, I found my emotions dramatically off-kilter. I cried, laughed, got angry, got sad, all at the same time.

  Although I feel I was reasonably quick to find hope in the situation, despite the circumstances that surrounded myself and my children, I know I have still had a difficult time holding onto that hope.

   You see, when we're trying to find hope in the darkness, we keep looking for hope externally. When, in reality, that hope is often to be found inside of us. A tiny spark that will ignite, if we simply look for it. Sometimes it is a simple word or action from someone else that lights the fire of hope, other times it is when we take a step back, evaluate our situation and realize that we have some sort of option to keep moving forward.
 
   Hope comes in all shapes and sizes. It can be in the form of volunteers offering help and support after a natural disaster, an understanding neighbor who has gone through the same thing you have, a quiet moment of self-reflection where one realizes that they are still alive and that they can make their life better than it was before - hope is ever-changing and everlasting, as long as we acknowledge its presence.

   To find hope in the darkness, all you have to do is close your eyes to the darkness and look inside yourself. Find that tiny flame and ignite the fire of hope. Hope can do amazing things and can help you get through the worst of times.

   Where do you find your hope within the darkness?

Simply Be Yourself, Not Your Past

        Too often, we are bombarded with recollections of our past - whether these come in the form of reminiscing with friends or family, places, things or even just self-inventory. If our past is less than stellar, it is all too easy to internalize those mistakes, continuing to hold onto that past and believe that we are too intertwined with our past to ever get past it.

        In effect, we begin to believe that we are either a product of our past or that we are still our past. If we do not let go of our past and all of the mistakes we have made while traveling through our life path, then we remain stuck in the past. Believing we are our past and its mistakes, takes us to a point of losing hope and any motivation for moving forward or making changes in our lives.

         Which leads to the question of, what do you do when you've lost hope and motivation? Take a self-inventory. Look at yourself, those around you and past choices you've made. Realize that you have more options that you have ever really thought possible and recognize that you are where you are now due to choices that you yourself have made.

      One of the most important things you can do for yourself is to realize that you are not the person you were in your past. Each moment that passes, is another step away from the person you were yesterday, the day before, weeks, months and years before. When we realize that we are not the person who made those mistakes, it becomes easier to make the right decisions and to follow the path best suited to reach our goals.

      An amazing part of being a human being is the ability to make mistakes, while being able to learn from those mistakes so that we can become the person we want to be and have the life we truly want. If you find yourself in a position of being unable to make a decision or choose between two different paths, think back to past situations and your reactions to them.

     We often do the most growing and make the best choices for ourselves in the midst of crisis, as long as we are willing to open our eyes to our own flaws and mistakes of our past. Choosing to put your past behind you and realizing that you are who you are today due to your past, goes a long way toward letting go and finding your true self.

      Once you find your true self or know who it is you want to be, you can find hope again, set goals and start taking the steps to get the life you want for yourself.
    
      
     

 

To New Beginnings....

   There's a time and a place for everything, even if we don't always know the reason. And the simple fact is, we may never know the reason why things happen the way do.

    After many years of struggling with the same problems over and over, fighting the same battles over and over, a recent natural disaster that ripped through my hometown forced me to take a long, hard look at myself and realize that while the tornado might have ruined "life as I know it," there was actually a blessing in disguise.

     In the wake of the trauma to our lives, my children and I are now starting over. For all of us, this is going to be a good thing. Waking up one day to realize that life is precious and short can be the wake-up call that one needs to attempt to change the things that previously felt unmanageable or uncontrollable.

    There has been a lot of chaos and unnecessary drama in my life the last few years. Realizing that most of it came from choices I made has been a bitter pill to swallow. But, knowing that I have made some very wrong choices over the years and knowing that while I can't change the past, I can take things one step at a time in the right direction now.

   To me, that is the very meaning of hope. There is hope for a better life, for better choices and the knowing that I am the one who needs to make those choices to change the future for the better. Add a few dreams and goals, then get started. It's really as simple and complex as that.

   We are each in control of our own lives and the paths we take. There is no blame to be placed on others and their actions. How often it is, that we refuse to see that simply making one choice (or several) is what put us where we currently sit.

    So, with this knowledge in mind, I take things one step at a time and am on a path to a new beginning. Starting over isn't fun, it's a lot of work and takes a lot of mental and emotional energy. However, setting goals and keeping dreams going is how we ultimately find that place of peace within ourselves and find the life we always wanted.

   So, what's stopping you from making a few different choices and making a new beginning?