One Week

Well, I'm finally reaching the end of my journey with my first book, "The Truth About Life: Life Lessons from Rock Bottom." It's taken a very long time, several years, in fact, to reach this point. But I'm getting closer to getting finished with my final editing. I'm editing it myself, so I'm sure it won't be perfect, but I do feel like it's a good start, so maybe my next book will be even better.

I have some editing to finish and then I need to finish my conclusion and the final section about myself. I'm not really absolutely certain on this, but I'm thinking I should have it all finished within a week or less. I'm seeing the end in sight and I'm starting to get excited, although I'm definitely very nervous! This book has been a labor of love, a large time investment (as I could find it!) and I am nervous about throwing it out there for others to see and read!

I suppose that most authors feel that way about their books. I guess it's kind of like trying to share a peculiar idea or theory with a group of people and knowing that they may laugh at your idea or think your idea to be crazy. I guess that is one blessing of self-publishing through Amazon, because I can always go back and update it or modify it, if I should feel the need to do so.

While I'm certain that the book is something that will be useful to SOMEONE out there, I'm just not so certain about the number of people who will find it useful or worth reading. I am considering this to be very much like the dream one has about standing in front of a room full of people, only to find themselves naked. Writing a blog is one thing. But a book seems even more personal to me. And I really do feel as though there's a part of one that actually is laid bare before others when they write something.

So, I think it should be done in a week. And here's to hoping I won't wake up and find myself naked and being laughed at in front of a large group of people!

Confusion of the Heart

I don't know about the rest of you, but I know that I get awfully confused whenever I am in a relationship and things aren't going so smoothly. My most recent relationship has been an on-again, off-again roller coaster for almost three years. I know "G" and I love each other, I know we could work things out if we were both willing to try to compromise and really work at it.

But, sometimes it really is and ISN'T that simple. I think "G" and I are back "on" again at this point. I'm hoping, with a little bit of time and some effort, that we can really make a "go" of things this time. I know that my mind is saying that, logically, this shouldn't and couldn't possibly work. My heart, however, says that it can and that it just might this time. You just simply never know what direction things will go. Which is where my confusion lies.

So what do you do when one is confused about matters of the heart? The best suggestion that I can make for myself - or anyone else - is to simply take things one day at a time, one step at a time. Don't think negatively and don't expect too much of yourself or the other person - that type of expectation demands that someone be perfect. If you yourself are not perfect, how can you expect or demand perfection from your significant other?

When it comes to relationship - complicated or not - it's best to simply give you and your partner both room to grow, assess things, know what you and he/she wants and if there is doubt, give it time and don't place pressure on yourself or the other person. Somehow, I think that "G" and I are gonna be okay, whether we manage to work things out or not.

Hopefully, this new year is bringing you love - in the right way - and all of the happiness you and your significant other can handle! Living in light and love, for 2014!

A Life, Interrupted.

Have you ever felt like an event in your life has so totally derailed things that your life has actually been interrupted and basically suspended, indefinitely? I have had this occur a few times in my life and have discovered something - I don't care for it much at all. I think that sometimes, these interruptions, so to speak, can be external events, internal events, relationships beginning or ending or just about anything that causes emotional trauma.

So what does one do, when they are living a life interrupted? The first thing to do is to realize that your circumstances do not define who you are. Relationships do not define who you are. Events in your past or present do not define who you are as a person. You can live your life despite your past or even present, as long as you remember that this interruption, or suspension, is never permanent. As long as you do not allow the interruption to paralyze you into inaction, you can, indeed, pick up and move through life again.

A life interrupted is difficult. Sometimes we are waiting on a certain event or waiting on circumstances to change, before we are able to begin picking up pieces and continue moving on. This is difficult to do - waiting is often a stressful task and it can seem to drag on forever. So, while you're waiting, find something positive and productive to focus on and do. For some of us, this can mean writing a blog, keeping a journal to track progress or feelings, learn a new hobby or skill or volunteer to help others.

Any positive changes in your life are steps you are taking to end the interruption that has occurred. Meet each obstacle head-on and keep moving, even when it feels as though your progress has been slowed or come to a halt. You might eventually come to realize that even when you thought things were stopped, you actually moved forward without realizing it. And meeting a negative event or emotion in your life with a positive and determined attitude will cancel out the negativity and open up your options, clear your mind and heal your heart.

Here's to living an uninterrupted and positive 2014!

Welcome, 2014!!!

Well, out with the old, in with the new. Another new year begins. With it, the hope that this year will be better than the last. Welcome, my new friend, 2014. I don't know about the rest of you, but I'm VERY excited to start a new year. To me, each new DAY is another chance to get life right. Life isn't easy, we struggle through daily and each of us much find our own path and make the choices that are right for us.

I know I am not perfect, my life isn't perfect. If I were completely honest, I feel like I fail at life and doing the things I need to do a large portion of the time. I know that sounds like a "downer," but it's simply honesty. And I think if most people were more honest, we'd all be more willing to admit that we are flawed and imperfect, that we struggle with SOMETHING on a day to day basis. What does all of this have to do with the New Year?

Well, this year, I am hoping to find the sense of balance and find my organizational skills, both things that I feel have eluded me all of my life. I am going to focus more on living in the here and now, while also making changes one tiny step at a time, to keep myself and my children on track, and I am going to go after the things I want for myself and my children.

So, welcome to 2014. Come on in, 2014, you are welcome here, because this is a new day, week, month and year. This is the first day of the rest of my life and I'm going to get this right, one way or another.
To all of you out there struggling, feeling lost, you are not alone. Most of us, if we're honest, feel that way at times, keep jumping right back in and make your life your own. Now is the time. Get started. A new year, a new beginning!

On Living in a Vacuum

So it had occurred to me that for most of my adult life, I've been living in a vacuum. I didn't see the entire big picture of things, which made decision-making a little easier than it should have been. In some cases, I really and truly made no conscious decision.

For many years, I lacked a sense of self-awareness and lacked any real self-esteem. Which led me to the place I am now. For the most part, although it wasn't a conscious decision on my part, I simply allowed things to happen around me. I allowed others to make decisions for me.

I have been living in a vacuum and having no real sense of time or sense of urgency concerning much of anything in my life. I hid behind spouses and children and used being a wife and mother or being a mother as an excuse to not really do anything with myself or my life.

When you give away your power, it's awfully difficult to gain it back. It's a very odd place to find yourself, when you realize that you gave up choices and control of yourself and your life simply because you had no idea how to make necessary decisions or because you had no idea how certain choices could or would affect your life.

The impact of my past actions or inactions has finally hit me in a way that I can no longer ignore. While I refuse to beat myself up for my past and refuse to live in said past, I do have to take responsibility and acknowledge that I certainly have had more to do with how things have turned out than I thought.

What a sobering thought. That I had more control than I believed at the time. And I'm now having to come to terms with the fact that I really did live in a naïve fashion. I'm all for positive thinking and for believing things will turn out for the best, but there's absolutely no reason - or excuse - to live like an ostrich with her head in the sand.

The most dangerous part of living as if in a vacuum is that while you're busy being oblivious and naïve, life is simply going along at warp speed and if you aren't careful, it goes in the wrong direction.

It takes a strong person to pull the plug on the vacuum and start navigating your own life. Some mistakes can never be corrected, while others are extremely difficult to change once they've begun to snowball. I am definitely stronger than I ever thought possible, but I am learning as I go... and I know that I am still not as strong as I need to be.

But at least the vacuum is no longer running, I'm no longer trapped inside. It's much better to be the one pushing the vacuum than simply riding inside.
 

A Precious Gift

Yesterday, my children and I attended a function for their school that they had attended before the May 20th tornado. The school is no longer there and they are in the process of rebuilding it.

A large local church hosted both schools that were demolished for this event. The children were all given a free copy of their school yearbook, new packages of school portraits, a handmade quilt or blanket and a teddy bear.

You see, those who brought this event about, realized the importance of closure and of trying to maintain a sense of normalcy in the wake of a disaster. The children were elated to see some of their friends again and to see their teachers, principal and other faculty members from their school.

For all of us, this event brought a sense of healing and a bit of closure to the day when our lives changed forever. There was laughter, relief, tears of joy, tears of pain for those lost and of course, the overwhelming sense of thankfulness that we were all able to attend this event and that we were all healing.

When my 9 year old daughter broke down into tears at one point, while signing a lost student's yearbook that was going to be given to the child's parents, I found myself on the edge of totally losing my composure. I found myself crying with her. And although for a moment I was concerned about "losing it" in public, I realized that no one there was going to judge my daughter or myself for showing those emotions - they all felt the same thing.

Which leads me to the point I was at when the children and I stopped to visit with some friends after we left the event. We found ourselves watching our children play and discussing our thoughts and emotions in the aftermath of the tornado. Each of us felt that we were all blessed to have come through the tornado safely, even though we lost our possessions.

"Lucky" isn't a word that comes even close to describing the emotions we feel. We were blessed, with the gift of safety and the gift of another day, another chance.

When the worst happens, we often wonder why we were spared when others weren't, we can feel guilty for surviving or we question why the event even happened at all. The truth is, there are simply no good answers for those questions, there are no explanations to assuage our guilt for feeling "lucky."

The conclusion that I've reached is that sometimes there are no good reasons for why things happen or why they happen to certain people. I have just realized that each and every day of our lives is a precious gift, something to be thankful for and that each day is a new beginning. Today is a gift that is too precious to waste, yesterday is another stepping stone in our past path.

This morning, I am thankful that my children and I are alive and safe. I recognize this day as another gift that's been given. What do you have to be thankful for today?

 

To New Beginnings....

   There's a time and a place for everything, even if we don't always know the reason. And the simple fact is, we may never know the reason why things happen the way do.

    After many years of struggling with the same problems over and over, fighting the same battles over and over, a recent natural disaster that ripped through my hometown forced me to take a long, hard look at myself and realize that while the tornado might have ruined "life as I know it," there was actually a blessing in disguise.

     In the wake of the trauma to our lives, my children and I are now starting over. For all of us, this is going to be a good thing. Waking up one day to realize that life is precious and short can be the wake-up call that one needs to attempt to change the things that previously felt unmanageable or uncontrollable.

    There has been a lot of chaos and unnecessary drama in my life the last few years. Realizing that most of it came from choices I made has been a bitter pill to swallow. But, knowing that I have made some very wrong choices over the years and knowing that while I can't change the past, I can take things one step at a time in the right direction now.

   To me, that is the very meaning of hope. There is hope for a better life, for better choices and the knowing that I am the one who needs to make those choices to change the future for the better. Add a few dreams and goals, then get started. It's really as simple and complex as that.

   We are each in control of our own lives and the paths we take. There is no blame to be placed on others and their actions. How often it is, that we refuse to see that simply making one choice (or several) is what put us where we currently sit.

    So, with this knowledge in mind, I take things one step at a time and am on a path to a new beginning. Starting over isn't fun, it's a lot of work and takes a lot of mental and emotional energy. However, setting goals and keeping dreams going is how we ultimately find that place of peace within ourselves and find the life we always wanted.

   So, what's stopping you from making a few different choices and making a new beginning?