Why Unrequited Love is Dangerous

We've all heard the stories of unrequited love... boy meets girl, girl meets boy... one of them falls in love with the other, but the other doesn't reciprocate. The end result in these stories is that the party who falls in love ends up having a broken heart "forever." There are many memes and quotes out there that portray unrequited love as a noble thing, as something that is perfectly normal and healthy.

Nothing could be further from the truth.

In many cases, there are situations where one person loves another person deeply and truly and the other person doesn't love them back in the same way that they love the other person. This is considered "unrequited love." And this is also the danger of "unrequited love."

Loving another person who doesn't love you back in the same way, or even at all, is not a problem in and of itself. It's whenever you place the hope and expectation that the other person will love you in return in the same way that you love them.

To me, this isn't love. Real love isn't "unrequited," because it is not given with the expectation or hope of anything in return. We've all had relationships -romantic, platonic, familial, etc - where one person cared more than the other person seemed to. That didn't make our own feelings less valid for the other person simply because they didn't reciprocate.

The danger in loving someone more than they love us is... we are likely to get hurt. But not in the ways we think. When you love someone and they don't love you back, it's easy to sit and dwell on it or spend a lot of time hoping they will love you back, even looking for ways to try to get them to love you back. This isn't real or true love.

Real love doesn't require anything of the other person, it isn't invalidated if they don't love us back. Honest love is given, without expectation or demand. It says "I'm going to love you. I want what is best for you - even if that isn't me." And then that's exactly what it does.

"Unrequited love" is dangerous. It's a danger to your mental and emotional health, it's unhealthy for you and your relationships and it will simply become an exercise in frustration and heartache. So, drop the notion of  unrequited love as being noble and romantic or a sign of "true love."

The best way to gain the love you'd like to have in your life, is to give freely and honestly of your love, with no expectations or demands. When you can give love honestly, regardless of if that particular person loves you back or not, you will invite all the love you are seeking and needing into your life in all shapes and forms.

One last thing, if we have to say or do something to make someone love us in return, that isn't love.

Drunk People... Have You Ever Noticed?

I don't know if you have ever noticed this or not, but drunk people are supremely obnoxious. Especially if you're sober. I worked in bars off and on for over ten years. One thing I learned was that if you're the sober person and you are dealing with drunks, ANYTHING can happen or anything can be said. It's ridiculous sometimes, just how unreasonable drunk people can get.

While I'm not going to sit here and pretend to be a saint or try to pretend like I've never been drunk in my life, I don't think that you should drink to excess and then use being drunk as an excuse to be obnoxious or mean to people.What it is about alcohol that makes some people just seem to lose their marbles and act stupid? I also don't understand why drunk people are more likely to want to fight than sober people.

I don't know if any of you have noticed this, but when people are drunk, it almost seems as though a hidden part of their normal, basic personality comes out and it may be a part of that person that you really don't like. Why is that? I know alcohol lowers inhibitions and people do things when drunk that they might not do when sober, but why are sober people so much better than drunk people at hiding their true thoughts, feelings or parts of themselves?

And, while I am aware that an inebriated person has no real boundaries or inhibitions, why is it that this part of themselves comes out only when they are drinking? And, if you know you're a pain in the ass or an asshole when you get drunk, why would you continue to drink? Why would you want to put others through that and show off that negative side of yourself? I just don't get it.

People Suck Sometimes

You know, I don't understand what is wrong with people. I don't get why some people have to be so mean to other people or why they feel the need to be hateful or rude to those they supposedly love. Even if you don't particularly like someone, there's never an excuse to throw negativity out at them. If they are truly a bad person or have done something wrong, I really believe that Karma will come back and bite them in the ass, so why waste energy on negativity towards that person?

I really wish people wouldn't toss out negativity at others, especially when it's done as a defense mechanism to keep someone at a distance from them or as a way to hurt them before they themselves get hurt. I really wish that people could just learn to be nice and learn to treat others BETTER than they themselves would want to be treated. I get so tired of people who are constantly in a negative mind-set or who constantly throw out negativity at others.

Am I the only person who feels like this?

Giving Love a Chance... Or Not?

I'm kind of in a weird place right now. I meant to go to bed two hours ago. I have to work in the morning and I have a million things to get done tomorrow. I've lost focus of myself and my life path according to my most recent plan. I really hate when that happens. I hate being lost and hate feeling out of sorts. I hate feeling so out of control of myself and my own life.

I have a house full of kids. I am the primary parent and responsible person for four of them. This is an awesome and staggering responsibility. I'm not sure where I'm going with this. Other than, this much I do know. I am trying to be the parent and mother that ALL of my children need, I feel like I'm failing miserably. I feel like, while trying to be the mother I am supposed to be, I am failing them and also not being true to myself and what I need. How do women balance that which they want and need with what they must do?

I never pictured myself as a single mother - not in a million years. But, ultimately, that's what I am. I didn't plan this, didn't want this. Don't want this now. Just stuck and feeling stuck. I love my children, wouldn't trade them for anything on this earth, no matter what. I live and breath for my children. But every single thing I do is for them, and I am constantly second-guessing myself. I constantly wonder if maybe I ought not to be a bit more selfish and try to do what's best for myself also.

I know that love isn't easy. After three divorces, that's probably the biggest thing that I've learned. I'm frustrated. What do you do when you feel something and you know that if you say it that it would change your relationship with that person forever? Whether it's someone you're already with or a potential love interest? ANY relationship can change, as quickly as the time it takes to speak a few words. Life is so unfair.

We spend so much time waiting and hoping for love. Then, when we find love, it's not simple or easy and it's downright complicated. When does love get a chance? Do we actually give love a real chance? Do we speak words that could change everything? Or do we keep our mouths shut and just not rock the boat, thereby missing the chance we might have had?