Gratitude and Gratefulness

Gratitude and gratefulness. These are two very important words that everyone should know, but better yet, they should be incorporated into everyone's being and daily life. But there is a slight difference between the two.

Gratitude is an abstract noun, it's a description, an abstract way to describe someone being "thankful." Most definitions used the example of someone doing one a kindness, one saying "thank you" and then being *grateful* for the other person's kindness. It's an abstract THING or emotion.

Gratefulness is an attitude, an adjective, it's a way of thinking and feeling. Most definitions that I ran across for "grateful" stated that it is an adjective and it is to "show appreciation for kindness." Hmmm. That's interesting.

Both describe a feeling or emotion, but from different sides. But both are so very important. It's not enough to just say "thank-you" and be thankful for another's kindness, you also need to show appreciation. This means not simply saying "thank you," but expressing your gratitude in other ways... perhaps offering to do something nice, making sure to be polite and respectful to the person(s) that did something for you, etc.

No one gets anywhere in life without remaining humble, having gratitude for the things they have or are given, and also being grateful for the things that others do for them. Sometimes it's a matter of basic good manners, other times it's about having the right attitude and respecting others.

Why Unrequited Love is Dangerous

We've all heard the stories of unrequited love... boy meets girl, girl meets boy... one of them falls in love with the other, but the other doesn't reciprocate. The end result in these stories is that the party who falls in love ends up having a broken heart "forever." There are many memes and quotes out there that portray unrequited love as a noble thing, as something that is perfectly normal and healthy.

Nothing could be further from the truth.

In many cases, there are situations where one person loves another person deeply and truly and the other person doesn't love them back in the same way that they love the other person. This is considered "unrequited love." And this is also the danger of "unrequited love."

Loving another person who doesn't love you back in the same way, or even at all, is not a problem in and of itself. It's whenever you place the hope and expectation that the other person will love you in return in the same way that you love them.

To me, this isn't love. Real love isn't "unrequited," because it is not given with the expectation or hope of anything in return. We've all had relationships -romantic, platonic, familial, etc - where one person cared more than the other person seemed to. That didn't make our own feelings less valid for the other person simply because they didn't reciprocate.

The danger in loving someone more than they love us is... we are likely to get hurt. But not in the ways we think. When you love someone and they don't love you back, it's easy to sit and dwell on it or spend a lot of time hoping they will love you back, even looking for ways to try to get them to love you back. This isn't real or true love.

Real love doesn't require anything of the other person, it isn't invalidated if they don't love us back. Honest love is given, without expectation or demand. It says "I'm going to love you. I want what is best for you - even if that isn't me." And then that's exactly what it does.

"Unrequited love" is dangerous. It's a danger to your mental and emotional health, it's unhealthy for you and your relationships and it will simply become an exercise in frustration and heartache. So, drop the notion of  unrequited love as being noble and romantic or a sign of "true love."

The best way to gain the love you'd like to have in your life, is to give freely and honestly of your love, with no expectations or demands. When you can give love honestly, regardless of if that particular person loves you back or not, you will invite all the love you are seeking and needing into your life in all shapes and forms.

One last thing, if we have to say or do something to make someone love us in return, that isn't love.

Find Your Own Happiness

I just thought I'd write a quick "Public Service Announcement" for those of you out there who might be struggling to find real, lasting happiness. You won't find true, lasting happiness if you seek to make another human being responsible for your happiness. While those closest to us can contribute to our happiness - lovers, friends, family, children, etc... our happiness lies within ourselves. Yes, you are the only one who can make yourself happy, and sometimes you have to choose to make yourself happy.

Many people make the mistake in thinking that their happiness lies in external factors - the ideal partner, the "perfect" job, more money in the bank, their dream home, less debt, etc. The list could go on. While accomplishments and achievements can contribute to your happiness, none of these things will matter if you are unhappy with yourself deep inside. You cannot secretly loathe yourself or feel unworthy and then expect to be happy because of material things or your relationships with other people. The only way to be happy is to choose to be happy and to work on loving yourself and nurturing yourself.

If we rely on others to make us happy, we are shortchanging ourselves and doing our loved ones a grave disservice. The tendency to rely on others to make themselves happy, is, why I think our society's divorce rates, homeless rates, unemployment rates, etc... are so high. It all comes back down to broken people expecting others to fix them and then trying to rely on others for their own happiness.

If we would all take more personal responsibility for our own happiness, thoughts and actions - we would find that our world would be a much better place. But for many, this is impossible to do because they spend more time focused on external factors than trying to love themselves and make sure that they, themselves are a whole person. Instead, we find that many people expect others to "complete" them or make them happy.

All this leads to is more broken souls. It is a huge responsibility and burden to put on another human being's heart and soul when you expect them to make you happy. Many people will try to make someone they care about happy, but they are left guessing how or feeling discouraged because they can't. The unhappy individual is left feeling more alone, unhappy and frustrated - thus leading to a breakdown in the relationship, until it eventually ends.

To avoid making other people responsible for your happiness or making them feel responsible for your happiness... First, learn to be happy with yourself and love yourself. Work on finding your inner peace and figure out what you need for your own happiness. Once you make the choice to be happy, then you can figure out what will make you happy for yourself, without relying on another person or placing undue pressure on those that you love.

True happiness and peace comes from within. Not from material things, job or other people. Once you start loving yourself and nurturing yourself, you will be better prepared to seek out your own happiness and be in balance to be able to have that happiness enhanced by the people you choose to put in your life.

36 Years and a Day

Yesterday, I turned 36. I have really rather struggled about being in my 30's in the last few years. I probably will continue to do so off and on.

I struggled because I felt like I needed to have met so many "milestones" and levels of success that "most" people have done by my age. I struggled because I felt like I was getting "old" and I've basically "wasted" my life. (Please notice the frequent quotation marks for later reference.)

I realized something today... every single one of us has a reason for being here. We all have a purpose, even when we don't know what it is. We live the lives we live for a reason. Whether I've made the choices or not,  I'm right here where I am meant to be. My life is being what it is supposed to be. Because I matter. Everyone in this world matters.

There is no "right way" or "wrong way," everyone is where they are for a reason. We make choices, for right or wrong, and they are the choices that we individually have to make to become the person we are to become.

So, starting today,  I'm going to quit living my life in quotation marks, outside of the "should" and "have to" areas in life. We're free to make our choices, but they all take us down the path we need to follow for ourselves. 

Stop putting quotation marks around your life and simply make your statement, make your mark on this world... in the way that only you can.