Let Go of That Which You Cannot Hold Onto

Sometimes in life, we come to a crossroads with people or situations. We are faced with the choice of either continuing to hold on or to try to let someone or something go. This is the first step in healing from trauma or abuse, and it can also just be something as simple as needing to clear your "emotional clutter" or remove complications from your life to be able to live your best life in as healthy a way as is possible.

This might need to happen in a very direct and abrupt manner. You may need to make a conscious choice to get someone or something out of your life, choosing to go no-contact with an individual or choosing to drop a habit or something else. It can seem to come out of nowhere to the other person if it's an individual, they might even get angry with you for losing their access to you. In some cases, it's just a simple case of a friend or family member and yourself losing common ground and needing to go separate ways... there's nothing wrong with this either.

There's something very important that I've learned in life. Change is scary, but absolutely necessary. Sometimes people or things aren't meant to be in our journey until the end of our lives. Sometimes, to heal and keep growing, we have to let go of the things which we cannot hold onto, or we fail to grow and then fail to thrive. This can leave us struggling in survival mode, which isn't healthy or positive and will not lead to emotional or mental growth.

Even if it is not necessarily an unhealthy or negative person or aspect of your life, but you are sensing that it might be time to let go and continue with your journey... let go. Release the person or thing with light and love, give yourself permission to move forward, and simply continue in your journey. Don't carry old baggage with you or bring along people who don't want to be in your ultimate destination.

Remember the saying, "Some people are only meant to be in our life for a season, not a lifetime." If that season has passed - whether it's a person, a place, a thing, a habit, etc - gracefully let go and spread your wings and continue to fly. If we carry our old baggage with us on our journey, we inevitably will get pulled back into the same old places and situations.

Let go of that which you cannot hold onto, so that you can embrace what is meant to stay with you.

Setting Goals and Making Plans

Almost two months ago, I hit the reset button on my life. I left the town I'd been living in for almost three years, quit a job I'd been at for a year and moved two hours away to a town where I'd always wanted to live, but never quite got around to it. I'm staying in a travel trailer and living in a peaceful and quiet place... I call it my "Gypsy Trailer."

In the last two months, I've been doing a lot of self-work and trauma-healing. It's been very difficult emotionally and mentally, but the rewards have been many. I have discovered that I am a lot stronger than I thought I was, I'm getting my focus back and I'm not starting out each day with a massive amount of dread or anxiety.

Sure, my sleep schedule seems to have literally reversed itself and so I have my days and nights mixed up. BUT, I'm still making progress and with the two youngest kids not being in school (they are 2 and 3), our schedule isn't a massive issue right now. We'll slowly but surely get back on track, it's all about taking baby steps.

I'm working from home right now... selling things on eBay, writing for a couple of content websites as a freelancer, as well as working on a couple of my books, writing my blogs and also am looking for things to make and sell on Etsy or some other such site.

I'm setting reasonable, attainable goals with realistic timelines. I'm throwing out what hasn't worked before and approaching things with a more reasonable, logical mindset, with a new perspective. And I'm making plans that will work - all it takes is a little bit of courage, a dash of determination, a splash of openness and the realization that all you have to do is keep moving forward, even if it's taking baby steps.

Loving Openly and Honestly

Love is hard. Loving people is harder. We all have a very normal human desire to both love and be loved. The word love is not a noun, it's a verb. This is where many people get so twisted up when dealing with their love for others. Our society tends to consider love a "thing," when it is an *ACTION.*  We often talk of "loving" things - ice cream, pizza, places, etc. That's not love, that is an intense LIKE of something.

Love means we are going to do whatever we can possibly do to ensure another person's happiness or well-being. It is both an action and an emotion. When we love someone, we (hopefully) truly want what is best for them - we want them to be happy, safe, successful, etc. Many times, however, people are quick to use "love" for others as a way to receive love in their own lives. The word love is spoken in an attempt to get the other person to reciprocate. This isn't love.

True love doesn't require that the other person "love" you back. All that is needed for open and honest love of another human being is to desire what is best for them - their happiness, safety, fulfillment, health, success, etc. Honest and open love doesn't demand or expect that the other person will love us back simply because we love them.

The thing about loving openly and honestly is that we can give freely of ourselves and our love for another human being, making no demands or having any expectations. Real love doesn't attempt to get another person to do anything - if anything, this is a form of manipulation and abuse. Honest love says "I'm going to be here for you, I care about you and I only want your happiness and what is best for you - not what I desire or think is best for you."

Please, everyone, stop attempting to use love to get your own needs and desires met - that isn't love and will only result in heartache and frustration for you and those that you love. Be the light, give love freely with no expectations or demands. You'll end up being pleasantly surprised that love will come your way in all the right forms for YOU, if you are loving freely and openly, with honesty, and making no demands on others.

And remember, you can't truly love another person unless you love yourself first.

Find Your Own Happiness

I just thought I'd write a quick "Public Service Announcement" for those of you out there who might be struggling to find real, lasting happiness. You won't find true, lasting happiness if you seek to make another human being responsible for your happiness. While those closest to us can contribute to our happiness - lovers, friends, family, children, etc... our happiness lies within ourselves. Yes, you are the only one who can make yourself happy, and sometimes you have to choose to make yourself happy.

Many people make the mistake in thinking that their happiness lies in external factors - the ideal partner, the "perfect" job, more money in the bank, their dream home, less debt, etc. The list could go on. While accomplishments and achievements can contribute to your happiness, none of these things will matter if you are unhappy with yourself deep inside. You cannot secretly loathe yourself or feel unworthy and then expect to be happy because of material things or your relationships with other people. The only way to be happy is to choose to be happy and to work on loving yourself and nurturing yourself.

If we rely on others to make us happy, we are shortchanging ourselves and doing our loved ones a grave disservice. The tendency to rely on others to make themselves happy, is, why I think our society's divorce rates, homeless rates, unemployment rates, etc... are so high. It all comes back down to broken people expecting others to fix them and then trying to rely on others for their own happiness.

If we would all take more personal responsibility for our own happiness, thoughts and actions - we would find that our world would be a much better place. But for many, this is impossible to do because they spend more time focused on external factors than trying to love themselves and make sure that they, themselves are a whole person. Instead, we find that many people expect others to "complete" them or make them happy.

All this leads to is more broken souls. It is a huge responsibility and burden to put on another human being's heart and soul when you expect them to make you happy. Many people will try to make someone they care about happy, but they are left guessing how or feeling discouraged because they can't. The unhappy individual is left feeling more alone, unhappy and frustrated - thus leading to a breakdown in the relationship, until it eventually ends.

To avoid making other people responsible for your happiness or making them feel responsible for your happiness... First, learn to be happy with yourself and love yourself. Work on finding your inner peace and figure out what you need for your own happiness. Once you make the choice to be happy, then you can figure out what will make you happy for yourself, without relying on another person or placing undue pressure on those that you love.

True happiness and peace comes from within. Not from material things, job or other people. Once you start loving yourself and nurturing yourself, you will be better prepared to seek out your own happiness and be in balance to be able to have that happiness enhanced by the people you choose to put in your life.

2nd Book Update : Fighting Fists of Fire

    Hello Everyone!
    My second book will be published by the end of July. I apologize for absolutely no word or updates concerning my books in the last few years... My life has been a complete roller coaster!
Please consider following me on Twitter or Instagram to keep updated, as well.
Twitter: @juliemichael82
Instagram: persephone2182

Now, on to more important issues.... about my second book!

My second book is nonfiction,  partial memoir, or, autobiography, and also a semi-guide or resource book about childhood abuse and domestic violence, as well as escaping from the cycle of abuse and trauma. It is called "Fighting Fists of Fire: An Escape from Domestic Violence." It starts from the beginning, my childhood and continues to where I am in my present life - finally healing and ensuring that the cycle of Domestic Violence and trauma stops with me.

When I have a firmer date for publication, I will let you all know! I look forward to sharing my journey with you@

36 Years and a Day

Yesterday, I turned 36. I have really rather struggled about being in my 30's in the last few years. I probably will continue to do so off and on.

I struggled because I felt like I needed to have met so many "milestones" and levels of success that "most" people have done by my age. I struggled because I felt like I was getting "old" and I've basically "wasted" my life. (Please notice the frequent quotation marks for later reference.)

I realized something today... every single one of us has a reason for being here. We all have a purpose, even when we don't know what it is. We live the lives we live for a reason. Whether I've made the choices or not,  I'm right here where I am meant to be. My life is being what it is supposed to be. Because I matter. Everyone in this world matters.

There is no "right way" or "wrong way," everyone is where they are for a reason. We make choices, for right or wrong, and they are the choices that we individually have to make to become the person we are to become.

So, starting today,  I'm going to quit living my life in quotation marks, outside of the "should" and "have to" areas in life. We're free to make our choices, but they all take us down the path we need to follow for ourselves. 

Stop putting quotation marks around your life and simply make your statement, make your mark on this world... in the way that only you can.

Watch For My Second Book... Coming Soon!

I have been a horrible blogger lately. I know I have. I think that sometimes, we let life get in the way of living life or of doing those things that we enjoy. I'm also horribly behind on my second book right now. I have been slowly working on it here and there, but just now finally getting truly motivated to get it finished. My second book is called "Finding Your Place in Life," I am hoping to have it completed by the end of the first week of March. 

It's been a long time coming, considering I started working on both of my book manuscripts a long time ago. But, I wanted to make sure that I said what I wanted to say and that I expressed myself appropriately. It takes a lot of time and effort to write, especially when one has to go back and edit and re-edit or delete entire paragraphs, just to get one point across the right way. I'm not so certain that I've managed to do this correctly, but, I'm a work in progress, and so is my writing.