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Showing posts with the label trauma

Gratitude and Gratefulness

Gratitude and gratefulness. These are two very important words that everyone should know, but better yet, they should be incorporated into everyone's being and daily life. But there is a slight difference between the two. Gratitude is an abstract noun, it's a description, an abstract way to describe someone being "thankful." Most definitions used the example of someone doing one a kindness, one saying "thank you" and then being *grateful* for the other person's kindness. It's an abstract THING or emotion. Gratefulness is an attitude, an adjective, it's a way of thinking and feeling. Most definitions that I ran across for "grateful" stated that it is an adjective and it is to "show appreciation for kindness." Hmmm. That's interesting. Both describe a feeling or emotion, but from different sides. But both are so very important. It's not enough to just say "thank-you" and be thankful for another's kin...

Let Go of That Which You Cannot Hold Onto

Sometimes in life, we come to a crossroads with people or situations. We are faced with the choice of either continuing to hold on or to try to let someone or something go. This is the first step in healing from trauma or abuse, and it can also just be something as simple as needing to clear your "emotional clutter" or remove complications from your life to be able to live your best life in as healthy a way as is possible. This might need to happen in a very direct and abrupt manner. You may need to make a conscious choice to get someone or something out of your life, choosing to go no-contact with an individual or choosing to drop a habit or something else. It can seem to come out of nowhere to the other person if it's an individual, they might even get angry with you for losing their access to you. In some cases, it's just a simple case of a friend or family member and yourself losing common ground and needing to go separate ways... there's nothing wrong with...

The Things We Keep Inside

Childhood is hard. Adulthood is hard. Being a human being is hard. Being a DECENT human being is even harder.  It's impossible to go through life completely unscathed... no one can do it. Every single moment, every single experience we have... shapes the people that we become. This can be to the better or for the worse. I don't believe that people are born "bad"  or good either one... I think they are all born "neutral" and then their experiences and basic personalities shape them into the people they become. For most of us, we're just you're average, garden variety good person. In my case, I'm a pretty good person who got handed several bad hands in life. I ended up being abused most of my life and now have to deal with the aftermath of being abused, which includes PTSD, dissociative disorder due to Complex Trauma and a host of other mental and emotional issues. The average person walking past me on the street would never be able to see or gu...

The Things We Ignore

Whenever you know that someone is abusive to someone else, that they are harming others, you are just as culpable in the abuse if you don't speak up or attempt to stop them. Yes, the blame for abuse should always lie with those that abuse... but those who know and attempt to do nothing, are just as responsible as those who are actively committing the abuse. Abuse of another person, in any shape or form, is a crime. If you don't speak up, if you simply ignore it or "don't want to get involved," you are choosing to allow the abuse to continue, and that is just as much a crime as the abuser is committing. Every single person on this planet deserves to live a life of peace and happiness, to live in safety and freedom. NO ONE deserves to be harmed or abused. We all have an ethical and moral responsibility to speak up and make attempts to stop abuse when we see it. For those that would argue that if someone is being abused, they should just "leave" ... ...

Letting Go Of The Things That Hurt Us

Life is hard. I mean, really hard. Often, we struggle through life, carrying our baggage with us and we simply muddle along until something makes us stop and set the baggage down and leave it behind. Some of us never set the baggage down, some carry that baggage through their entire lives - damaged, weighed down, causing damage to those that cross their paths. When you're living with trauma, it's really easy to simply accept that the pain is just a part of life and so you begin to not even question whether or not that pain is NECESSARY. We don't stop to ask ourselves if we HAVE to carry that pain around, because we've just accepted that it simply IS. But, what if that pain isn't necessary? What if you could live your life without carrying a lifetime's worth of pain with you? Sounds amazing, right? I am learning, after a lifetime of abuse and pain, that it's possible to let the pain go. But first, you have to be willing to let go of the things that hurt ...

Independence Day 2019

As I sit here on this Independence Day, I have no plans.. just myself and my two youngest kids, hanging out at home and watching tv. We won't be getting out to watch fireworks or anything. I have severe anxiety in large crowds, so taking two toddlers into large crowds or heavy traffic is the last thing I want to do. But we're enjoying the time together and I'm definitely enjoying the peace and my freedom. While today is our nation's celebration of Independence, I'm also viewing it as my personal Independence Day celebration. Because for the first time in as long as I can remember, I'm happy... I have peace and quiet in my life, I'm not living anywhere with a partner who wants to fuss and fight, I'm not having to walk on eggshells around someone, I don't have to put up with things that are disrespectful or hurtful to myself and my children. I am so thankful for my freedom, not just in my country, but for my personal freedom. I am thankful to live...

When a Friendship Implodes

I recently lost a friendship of four years. It wasn't over a minor issues. It was, perhaps, unavoidable. We both had differing ideas on what constituted "judging" and gentle, loving, honesty. She thought I was judging her for situations in her life, but was passing the same judgments she accused me of, onto my own life. I tried to be gentle and honest - without judgment of her or her choices - however, at the end of the day, we simply couldn't agree to disagree and move forward. The thing is, this friendship started four and a half years ago during an extremely traumatic and stressful time in my life and hers both, which left us with a friendship, but also left us with a "trauma bond." Although neither of our situations at the time were related, we'd bonded over the similarities. Sometimes, friendships formed in this way will last a lifetime. However, in many cases, they will simply end over time, once the time of crisis is over with. When you bond ...

2nd Book Update : Fighting Fists of Fire

    Hello Everyone!     My second book will be published by the end of July. I apologize for absolutely no word or updates concerning my books in the last few years... My life has been a complete roller coaster! Please consider following me on Twitter or Instagram to keep updated, as well. Twitter: @juliemichael82 Instagram: persephone2182 Now, on to more important issues.... about my second book! My second book is nonfiction,  partial memoir, or, autobiography, and also a semi-guide or resource book about childhood abuse and domestic violence, as well as escaping from the cycle of abuse and trauma. It is called "Fighting Fists of Fire: An Escape from Domestic Violence." It starts from the beginning, my childhood and continues to where I am in my present life - finally healing and ensuring that the cycle of Domestic Violence and trauma stops with me. When I have a firmer date for publication, I will let you all know! I look forward to sharin...

3 Months and 4 Days Later

On April 20th, 2018... my life changed (again!) in a split second. My ex-husband called to tell me that his wife had been in a car accident while bringing our 3 boys down to my house. My heart. My world. Literally stopped. Everything suspended for a moment as I struggled to wrap my mind around what I was hearing and tried to grasp the severity of the situation. There are no words to say in a situation like this. Nothing comes to mind. You can't focus on a single thought or word, but also grasp at every single word or thought. Struggling to hang on to anything you can, to try to make sense of something so utterly unexpected as to be unbelievable.  In the ensuing chaos, I realized that I'd been in the shower when the call came through.... had I? Really? Did I remember to shut the lights off? Did I hang my towel? I'd left conditioner in my hair and one leg unshaven as I threw whatever clothes I had on and my new husband and I rushed out the door to get to the accident sce...

Finding Hope Within Darkness

  Anyone who has gone through a traumatic event personally knows that finding hope within these events can seem almost impossible. We might even, in the aftermath of trauma, find ourselves resenting those who seem "cheerful" and upbeat. It might seem ludicrous for someone to suggest that we find hope in something that has seemingly ripped our lives apart.    For me personally, I know that finding hope in darkness can be extremely difficult. I have found myself in the position of resenting those who attempt to offer comfort or support in the form of hope.    During times of crisis, it can be very easy to turn a blind eye to anything even remotely close to positive or hopeful, it is almost automatic to become jealous of those who seemingly are better off than we are. In the aftermath of the May 20th, 2013 Tornado that ripped Moore, Oklahoma apart, I saw this first-hand. I even -gasp!- felt some of those same emotions myself.    This is the point w...

To New Beginnings....

   There's a time and a place for everything, even if we don't always know the reason. And the simple fact is, we may never know the reason why things happen the way do.     After many years of struggling with the same problems over and over, fighting the same battles over and over, a recent natural disaster that ripped through my hometown forced me to take a long, hard look at myself and realize that while the tornado might have ruined "life as I know it," there was actually a blessing in disguise.      In the wake of the trauma to our lives, my children and I are now starting over. For all of us, this is going to be a good thing. Waking up one day to realize that life is precious and short can be the wake-up call that one needs to attempt to change the things that previously felt unmanageable or uncontrollable.     There has been a lot of chaos and unnecessary drama in my life the last few years. Realizing that most of...