Letting Go Of The Things That Hurt Us

Life is hard. I mean, really hard. Often, we struggle through life, carrying our baggage with us and we simply muddle along until something makes us stop and set the baggage down and leave it behind. Some of us never set the baggage down, some carry that baggage through their entire lives - damaged, weighed down, causing damage to those that cross their paths.

When you're living with trauma, it's really easy to simply accept that the pain is just a part of life and so you begin to not even question whether or not that pain is NECESSARY. We don't stop to ask ourselves if we HAVE to carry that pain around, because we've just accepted that it simply IS. But, what if that pain isn't necessary? What if you could live your life without carrying a lifetime's worth of pain with you? Sounds amazing, right?

I am learning, after a lifetime of abuse and pain, that it's possible to let the pain go. But first, you have to be willing to let go of the things that hurt you - even if sometimes, the process of letting go of those things is painful. Sometimes, the things you are letting go of, are literal things... sometimes it's places, habits, even people. The process of letting go can be painful, but it's absolutely necessary if you're going to be able to move forward and away from the things that hurt you.

Repeating cycles, giving more chances, making the same choices over and over - all of this contributes to a negative cycle, it adds to your emotional and mental "baggage" and causes you to carry around intense pain. When this is a lifelong pain, it's hard to let it go, but letting it go is a vital part of your healing process. It's much easier to process your emotions and get your mental and emotional health on track if you let go of the things that hurt you before you begin trying to process - at a minimum, however, you let go of those things while you're working on healing.

You have a right to be safe, to be happy, secure - we all have a right to live our lives without pain, anger, fear or negativity. You DESERVE to be happy, to be able to love and be loved - in a healthy way - and you deserve to not have to carry around a lifetime's worth of pain. If there's someone or something in your life that's hurt you, that continues to hurt you - it's time to let it go. Don't keep holding onto the things that cause you pain - in the end, even though letting go might be painful, you'll be stronger and healthier for it.

If it's a person that you're struggling to let go of, you might feel guilty or want to keep them in your life out of a misguided sense of guilt or love. Don't. Sometimes we have to let go of people that we love, because they don't love us or care if they hurt us.You can love someone and not be able to have them in your life because it's just too painful. Do NOT feel guilty for this. Let them go with light, love and forgiveness... understand that their part in your journey is over.

This doesn't mean that you will never be hurt by people in your life in the future, but you can choose who to surround yourself with, what type of energies and emotions to surround yourself with. And that isn't a reason to feel guilty. In life, we have one chance to be happy, to be free. We have the right to be loved, to have peace, to be safe and have security. Only allow those in your circle that bring this to your life. Life is too short to be carrying around baggage and pain that can be unpacked and put away.

When a Friendship Implodes

I recently lost a friendship of four years. It wasn't over a minor issues. It was, perhaps, unavoidable. We both had differing ideas on what constituted "judging" and gentle, loving, honesty. She thought I was judging her for situations in her life, but was passing the same judgments she accused me of, onto my own life. I tried to be gentle and honest - without judgment of her or her choices - however, at the end of the day, we simply couldn't agree to disagree and move forward.

The thing is, this friendship started four and a half years ago during an extremely traumatic and stressful time in my life and hers both, which left us with a friendship, but also left us with a "trauma bond." Although neither of our situations at the time were related, we'd bonded over the similarities. Sometimes, friendships formed in this way will last a lifetime. However, in many cases, they will simply end over time, once the time of crisis is over with.

When you bond over something in your life that is awful, once one party - or even both - begin to heal and move past the trauma and stress of the situation, it becomes difficult to maintain that relationship if the sole glue holding the relationship together is the stress and turmoil of the situation you are in. In effect, these friendships will typically just "fizzle out" over time. In this instance, the friendship "imploded."

While I am proud of the fact that I did not resort to name-calling or personal insults, I did not raise my voice or say anything intentionally hurtful, I am hurt by the fact that she resorted to such tactics as she got extremely volatile when I set boundaries in place to protect myself and my mental and emotional health from a situation that she had going on.

I feel many things about this friendship ending - loss, sadness, frustration, perhaps a bit of anger, regret... and mainly, relief. I saw this coming a long time ago, although I don't think she did. I saw it coming, couldn't prevent it, but still kept trying to maintain a friendship that had itself become toxic for me. As our friendship imploded, I felt the tears roll down my face.

I love her and I will miss her. But I welcome peace and healing.