On Life and Words

Well, it's been a crazy few days. Between an impromptu road trip to go and get my daughter from her dad's house 700 miles away, driving back, trying to catch some sleep, settle my daughter back in and then work, I'm completely exhausted. I spent this evening trying to catch up on some writing and I've ended up sitting here far longer than I intended. I'm going to be very tired tomorrow. So, since I'm already up past the time I probably should have been and I DO have to work tomorrow, I guess I had better go to bed. I still feel like I haven't gotten as much accomplished as I wanted to, but I'm going to work on my schedule and routine tomorrow and see what I can get done. If I go to bed as soon as I finish this post, I should get enough sleep to get me through tomorrow. Goodnight World, Goodnight Everyone! Sweet dreams. And remember, tomorrow is another day, another chance. Always keep hope and live with light and love.

If you have nothing to strive for, then you have no goals or hopes for your life. If you have no goals or hopes, then what is the purpose of existence? We all have a purpose and destination in our lives, even when we may not realize what exactly that is. Sometimes, people never figure out what exactly their purpose for being is or was, but they have made a large impact in ways that they could never even begin to understand. We are all here for a reason. Every challenge we face, happens for a reason. There's no other way to look at life and the challenges in life that we face. If we simply believe that things just happen and that we're just sitting here wandering aimlessly in the world, then we have no motivation or hope of ever reaching our goals, finding our hopes and dreams. This would make our lives pointless. And who wants to live a pointless life? Every day that we live is another chance to get it right, another chance to do something to make a difference in our own l...

I don't know if you have ever noticed this or not, but drunk people are supremely obnoxious. Especially if you're sober. I worked in bars off and on for over ten years. One thing I learned was that if you're the sober person and you are dealing with drunks, ANYTHING can happen or anything can be said. It's ridiculous sometimes, just how unreasonable drunk people can get. While I'm not going to sit here and pretend to be a saint or try to pretend like I've never been drunk in my life, I don't think that you should drink to excess and then use being drunk as an excuse to be obnoxious or mean to people.What it is about alcohol that makes some people just seem to lose their marbles and act stupid? I also don't understand why drunk people are more likely to want to fight than sober people. I don't know if any of you have noticed this, but when people are drunk, it almost seems as though a hidden part of their normal, basic personality comes out and i...

You know, I don't understand what is wrong with people. I don't get why some people have to be so mean to other people or why they feel the need to be hateful or rude to those they supposedly love. Even if you don't particularly like someone, there's never an excuse to throw negativity out at them. If they are truly a bad person or have done something wrong, I really believe that Karma will come back and bite them in the ass, so why waste energy on negativity towards that person? I really wish people wouldn't toss out negativity at others, especially when it's done as a defense mechanism to keep someone at a distance from them or as a way to hurt them before they themselves get hurt. I really wish that people could just learn to be nice and learn to treat others BETTER than they themselves would want to be treated. I get so tired of people who are constantly in a negative mind-set or who constantly throw out negativity at others. Am I the only person who fe...

Insanity happens. Yup. Truly. There's simply no way to avoid insanity or chaos as long as you are alive. Our daily lives are unpredictable and anything can happen in a single moment. This is why it's important to do your best to keep yourself sane and as un-stressed as possible when dealing with daily life. If you go through your daily life feeling crazy and being stressed, you're going to wind up having a mental collapse or barely surviving unexpected life events. It's absolutely important to your sanity to take care of yourself first and foremost. I know that might sound selfish to some people, but you will be absolutely no good for anyone else or in a situation that requires you to be strong if you aren't eating correctly, getting enough sleep or exercising regularly. If you don't take care of you, then you can't take care of anyone else - even when it's needed. So, take good care of your body, it's the only one you've got or will ever have...

I'm kind of in a weird place right now. I meant to go to bed two hours ago. I have to work in the morning and I have a million things to get done tomorrow. I've lost focus of myself and my life path according to my most recent plan. I really hate when that happens. I hate being lost and hate feeling out of sorts. I hate feeling so out of control of myself and my own life. I have a house full of kids. I am the primary parent and responsible person for four of them. This is an awesome and staggering responsibility. I'm not sure where I'm going with this. Other than, this much I do know. I am trying to be the parent and mother that ALL of my children need, I feel like I'm failing miserably. I feel like, while trying to be the mother I am supposed to be, I am failing them and also not being true to myself and what I need. How do women balance that which they want and need with what they must do? I never pictured myself as a single mother - not in a million years. B...

Yep. I've decided that confusion is an inevitable part of life. Especially when it comes to interpersonal relationships and choosing your own personal path in life. What does one do whenever they are faced with numerous choices and potential paths and each outcome would be drastically different than another? Usually, I recommend that you sit down and write lists of pros and cons for each potential choice you could make. However, sometimes this simply isn't enough. Especially when deep emotions are involved - the kind of emotions that one can't get over or get around, the kind of emotions that you can't push to the back while you make a decision. So what does one do whenever they are faced with this kind of choice? Honestly, I have no idea whatsoever. If you're facing two different choices and both carry such strong emotions that you can't make a decision, what's the deciding factor? I don't know that either. When you feel like you're stuck in mu...

We are all meant to be somebody. Perhaps not known throughout the world or famous. Perhaps not known for doing great acts, perhaps we are to be known for our small actions that make a difference. Perhaps we are meant to be the one who stands in the background and supports others. Maybe we're meant to change the world. Each and every one of us has a purpose and a reason for being, a person we are meant to be. Are you who you are meant to be? How will you know when you are? Do you know who you are meant to be - or are you still trying to figure it out? How do we figure it out and take the path that we are meant to take? No. I don't have the answers. I don't believe that anyone has any of the answers - we all have to figure these things out for ourselves, in the time we are meant to. Gauge your actions, reactions, your thoughts and emotions - figure out if you are or are becoming, the person you are meant to be. The only way you can find out is if you act and react and pa...

Yep. Divorce or splitting up with a partner isn't easy. Usually, it's extremely volatile, especially if children are involved. Even if you can manage to split with your partner relatively amicably, with little conflict, it's inevitable, if you have children, that there will eventually be a conflict. It's usually true that, at some point or another, your feelings in a relationship will change - from like or love to dislike or hate. If those feelings stay, then divorce or breaking up is inevitable. But, back to my main point. Exes cannot usually be friends. Even when you plan on co-parenting and even if you intend on an amicable relationship with your ex, it's almost impossible to do so without any type of conflict when you have kids. We are all very different individuals. And, even if ending a relationship is amicable or even friendly, it's difficult to maintain that whenever differences or conflicts arise when you are raising children with someone you are no ...

Parenting is hard. Especially if you and the other parent aren't on the same page about your goals and ideals for your child. It can be even more difficult in cases where parents are divorced, have different religious views or drastically different values.l   In instances where parents are at odds, it's best to try to find some sort of common ground or compromise. In fact, your children's wellbeing can depend on it. No good can come from discord between parents and often, children can feel caught in the middle. If you find that you are disagreeing with the other parent, try to find a common goal to work towards so that you can successfully coparent your child or children together.   Avoid name-calling, fussing and feuding between you and the other parent, most especially in front of the children. If you can keep disagreements civil, it's easier to compromise and come to an agreement that works for both of you and is best for the children.   Parenting is ha...

Divorce is extremely difficult, even without children. But if you have kids, it's even more difficult. Many divorced parents don't realize how much their fighting or discord actually affects their child(ren.) It can be difficult to be neutral or diplomatic during or after a divorce, but if you have children with your ex-spouse, it's of utmost importance that you set aside differences, anger and fighting and learn to at least be civil with your ex.  If there are unresolved issues in your former relationship or if you and your ex-spouse have a history of dysfunction, it can be extremely difficult to come together and be successful at co-parenting your child(ren.) In cases like this, it can come down to a simple matter of, one of you needs to let things go and be the bigger person. Even if you feel like you might want to lash out at the other parent or want to talk negatively about the other parent to your child(ren,) it's extremely important for the well-being of ever...

So my three littlest ones started a new daycare today. I'm not sure how I feel about it. We have used daycare before, but it hasn't been a constant in our/their lives. It was so hard to leave my 3 year old when he begged me not to leave him there.  I'm on break at work now and counting down the hours until I can go get my little ones. I miss them terribly when they aren't with me. And, of course, leaving them in someone else's care is scary and a bit nervewracking too.  I know it's a necessity at this point in time, and we have to adapt to this new change, but no one said I have to like it. And I don't, not one little bit. I guess it's not a matter of having to like it or not, but more a point of acceptance and making the best of a not so great situation. If someone had told me fourteen years ago that I would have this many children, that I'd be a single mom to four children and that I would be going to school, working and have my four young...

I'll warn you all, I'm on a major rant today. I don't understand the irresponsibility and immaturity of some people. Especially if you have children.  I don't understand someone overextending themselves financially, financing cars, going out to eat, buying ridiculous toys and electronics, etc - when one can't even cover their basic necessities. Then to treat child support as an option, this makes no sense to me at all. Why would you put WANTS above NEEDS? Especially if it comes to your kids? I just don't get people.  There comes a point when there's no excuse for irresponsibility and you can't blame someone else. Priorities, people, priorities! Men, helping take care of your children financially is NOT optional. To everyone in general, don't lay down with someone if you don't wanna have kids or take care of kids.

Life is funny. One minute you're on the straight and narrow path and you've got a plan, the next you've come upon a giant tree in the road and one side of the road has a cliff on it and the other is water. So what do you do then? Jump off in the water and hope you can swim? Do you dive off the cliff and hope you magically learn how to fly? Or do you try to find a way to go over that tree in the road? What if I told you that, sometimes, it's a combination of the three? Sometimes you have to swim, sometimes you have to fly... other times you have to figure out a way over or through your obstacles. Life is full of changes. Indeed, in a single moment, things can change in the blink of an eye and it can seem that all of your well-made plans evaporate right before your eyes. It's really easy to get discouraged and frustrated when things happen to mess up your plans, especially when it seems like you'll never get out from underneath the current crisis or stress. I...

Wow, this has been a crazy few years. Starting in 2010, when my marriage began to crumble right after my youngest child was born, then meeting my new love, whom I've now been with for 3 years, to starting college and now being a year away from graduating with my Associate's degree in Psychology, it's been a rough ride. Finally, last year, the May 20th tornado of Moore, Oklahoma took out our life as we knew it. Then, a month ago, my boyfriend had a massive heart attack. I had an epiphany this morning. Even when life is at it's lowest point and even when you seemingly can't go anywhere, the only option becomes to move forward and go up from there. So, even though I've been down for the last few years, it's all UP from here. Our life path is our choice, we CHOOSE the direction we move in. Starting today, I'm choosing to go forward and up. While I haven't been writing much the last several months (obviously, I've been horrible at keeping a blog!...

After the crazy week we've had here, with Sweetie's heart attack, his hospital stay, getting him home, me starting a new job and trying to work around everything else going on, I'm definitely exhausted! I have come to the realization that there are many different levels and types of exhaustion. I think that there are at least three and then there are combinations thereof. Physical, mental and emotional would be the three types of exhaustion and any of them can be extremely draining, but even more so, if you are dealing with a combination of the three. I'm not sure what level I'm at, I just know I'm very tired. I'm just feeling drained and slightly overwhelmed. A simpler word for what I am feeling right now, would be "stress." Yep. Definitely stressed. Life has a funny way of throwing things at you when you least expect it and feel the least equipped to handle it. Knowing or suspecting something could happen and it actually happening are two di...

My boyfriend had a heart attack Wednesday afternoon. It's been a rough week. His heart attack actually started late Tuesday night, but it didn't get bad enough until Wednesday afternoon for him to realize how serious it was and then he finally had me take him to the emergency room. I picked him up from work, dropped him off at the emergency room, went and picked up my kids from school, then I went back to the hospital to find out what was going on with him after I handed the kids off to his sister. When I got to the hospital, they were getting ready to transport him to the Heart Hospital to have a cath procedure done on his heart and put a stint in where a blockage was. So, I rode in the ambulance with him to the Oklahoma Heart Hospital and then waited while he was in surgery. I have never been so worried in my life! The procedure went well and after he made it out of recovery and was put into a room, I finally got to see him. He said, even coming out of anesthetic, that h...

Well, it's been a year since our world was turned upside down and life as we knew it ended. I can think of nothing in my life that has affected me or my family as drastically as the May 20th, 2013 tornado in Moore, Oklahoma. In a single instant, due to circumstances beyond our control and a natural disaster, our way of living was destroyed and our city was destroyed. The outpouring of love, support and emergency efforts from not just our home state, but our country and even the world was amazing. It was awesome to see that there were so many people out there who cared about us and others who lost their homes and way of life. Those emergency support efforts were very much appreciated, not just by us, but by everyone affected by the tornado. While my children and I didn't lose our home specifically, we lost almost everything inside, our vehicle was ruined, and the kids' school was demolished. My children lost classmates and friends, which has proven to be devastating. Du...

Depression is a debilitating disease. It is a constant way of living, which isn't even living, for those who suffer from it. When you have depression - in any shape or form - regardless of the cause, it can make life almost impossible to deal with or cope. A person suffering from depression is unable to deal with basic situations or basic emotions. If you are dealing with depression, it can feel much like an invisible hand is squeezing the life out of you, as if you are stuck under a boulder and can't get out from under it. There's no real way to fully describe just how deeply depression affects someone to another person who has never dealt with depression. To a person who has never dealt with depression, someone with depression can seem "weak" or it can be difficult to understand why the depressed individual simply doesn't "snap out of it." This is where education when it comes to mental health issues is so important. Even if you do not suffer fr...

Well, I suppose it's just that time of year. Since right before Christmas, my kids have had Strep, a random cold and now another virus that mimics the flu. I guess it's normal for this time of year, especially when one has children of various ages and they attend public school. With so many little ones in the house, it's no surprise that we all get sick at once or one right after the other. I think the best advice anyone can give another parent during this time of year is this: Make sure you and your kids get adequate amounts of sleep, make sure you stay well-hydrated and eat less junk food. Dress weather-appropriately and avoid spending too much time in extremes of temperature one way or another. And, of course, make sure you wash your hands frequently with soap and water and keep your bed linens and towels washed and clean. Throw away toothbrushes after each illness and replace them to prevent likelihood of reinfection. Also, try to avoid eating or drinking after one...