Sunday, April 27, 2014
Saturday, February 15, 2014
Thoughts on Support Groups
I ran a Yahoo Group for many years, with many difficulties over the years. Some of it was stuff simply between members, other stuff was between admins and myself. Over time, the group simply fizzled out, especially as it couldn't take the pressure of issues I myself (as the group owner and primary admin) was having and disputes about the group and focus of the group.
I see here, a great group with a potential to be a completely awesome place for support for everyone. What troubles me is the seeming discord between admins and former admins, not simply about how much one should pull their own weight or what each one should do, but also about the purpose or goal of the group.
To me, a place of support, is just that. A place of support. Where, members support one another through common issues and realize that they are not alone. I may have this entirely wrong or my memory might be off, but I don't remember during my time running my Yahoo groups ever expecting an admin to be there at all times, sometimes, this just isn't humanly possible. This is where the other members of the group step in and support one another. Again, just my two-cents, for whatever that may be worth.
If someone is having such serious issues that they are considering taking their own life, that is really scary and perfectly understandable why people would want someone to be available at all times. And while this is a wonderful idea and I fully support it, there are simply times where it isn't going to be possible.. This is why links to the Suicide Hotline and other resources are posted frequently and prominently in any support group (online and offline), because it is almost impossible to always be there for someone. This puts an insane amount of pressure on everyone to try to "be there" for everyone else and to be supportive - but it can cause a lot of stress and un-necessary discord. At the end of the day, we are all human beings.
The responsibility of preventing someone from committing suicide is no one else's but the individual considering it. All anyone can do is try to talk someone out of it, contact the necessary emergency resources to seek help for themselves or another suicidal person and keep talking to the person. But, IF, god forbid, someone actually does it, there usually is no blame to be placed on those who are left behind. Too many times, I've seen large amounts of guilt in survivors of suicide, thinking that if they'd said something more or done something more, then it wouldn't have happened. That kind of thinking scares me, because it's a very unhealthy form of self-blame and places a lot of responsibility on someone's shoulders - that is the type of thinking that can destroy a person mentally and emotionally.
While running a support group and being part of a support group requires a certain amount of give and take, we all have lives outside of whatever group we are in - this doesn't just include support groups, this can include hobby groups, clubs, etc. I find it admirable that everyone would like to consider the group a job, if not in the literal sense, but as a responsibility, It is unfair to everyone - including one's self - to place that kind of pressure on ourselves and others.
What I would like to see from a support group is to see all members be there for one another as much as they can, with minimal issue between admins or other members of the group. I would like to see a fully supportive environment for everyone, while remembering at the end of the day, that we are all human beings and that we are all here for the same reason.
I've learned a lot in the years since I initially began my first Yahoo group for depression support. And I've learned one thing - depression, bipolar, all those other issues, they're VERY REAL. Those issues are not in my head or yours, and it's wonderful to have a supportive place to be without all the drama or discord that tends to already be in our individual personal lives, within our families, etc. I remember a time when I was way too harsh with others for their seeming "drama" or "failures" and forgot that they were also human beings with the same issues that I had, which was why we were all there.
Recently, after a 3 year seperation and a divorce that has dragged on way too long, finding myself a single parent, ending a relationship of almost 3 years and trying to go to school fulltime, along with dealing with my children and each of their individual issues, I have found myself at the lowest point I have **EVER** been at. It's a scary and very lonely place to be..... a place I only THOUGHT I had been and understood before this.
During a time when we should be supporting one another and trying to be there for each other, while getting support for our own issues, this is not the time to be having discord or disputes. My heart hurts to see this, because we are all human beings with real thoughts, feelings and emotions - fighting some of the very same demons and probably all feeling a little alone even when someone else is there.
Monday, January 13, 2014
Depression's Firm Grip
Depression is a debilitating disease. It is a constant way of living, which isn't even living, for those who suffer from it. When you have depression - in any shape or form - regardless of the cause, it can make life almost impossible to deal with or cope. A person suffering from depression is unable to deal with basic situations or basic emotions. If you are dealing with depression, it can feel much like an invisible hand is squeezing the life out of you, as if you are stuck under a boulder and can't get out from under it.
There's no real way to fully describe just how deeply depression affects someone to another person who has never dealt with depression. To a person who has never dealt with depression, someone with depression can seem "weak" or it can be difficult to understand why the depressed individual simply doesn't "snap out of it." This is where education when it comes to mental health issues is so important. Even if you do not suffer from depression, it is important that everyone educates themselves about depression, symptoms of depression and also how to deal with someone who is trying to live with depression.
Depression is a fact of life. Chances are, even if you, a close loved on or a friend doesn't have depression, you are likely to encounter someone in your life who has depression - a coworker, casual acquaintance, etc. It can be important to be empathetic and to keep an open mind when dealing with people. The friendliest and seemingly happiest people can be depressed. To an individual who is depressed, those who are not depressed can seem distant. A depressed person will feel like they are breathing water and drowning while others are living life and breathing air.
If you or someone you love is dealing with depression, it's important to pay attention to warning signs, seek help and educate yourself about depression, symptoms of depression and how to manage and treat depression. If you are depressed, you need to find a support system - find people to talk to, find ways to manage it and keep going. If you know someone who is depressed, educate yourself and help provide a support system for them.
Living with depression isn't easy, but it can be done. Life is too short to be miserable. If you're depressed, find ways to focus on the light and keep moving towards it. If you know someone who is depressed, help them find the light, move towards it, if necessary, be the light for someone else until they can find it again.
There's no real way to fully describe just how deeply depression affects someone to another person who has never dealt with depression. To a person who has never dealt with depression, someone with depression can seem "weak" or it can be difficult to understand why the depressed individual simply doesn't "snap out of it." This is where education when it comes to mental health issues is so important. Even if you do not suffer from depression, it is important that everyone educates themselves about depression, symptoms of depression and also how to deal with someone who is trying to live with depression.
Depression is a fact of life. Chances are, even if you, a close loved on or a friend doesn't have depression, you are likely to encounter someone in your life who has depression - a coworker, casual acquaintance, etc. It can be important to be empathetic and to keep an open mind when dealing with people. The friendliest and seemingly happiest people can be depressed. To an individual who is depressed, those who are not depressed can seem distant. A depressed person will feel like they are breathing water and drowning while others are living life and breathing air.
If you or someone you love is dealing with depression, it's important to pay attention to warning signs, seek help and educate yourself about depression, symptoms of depression and how to manage and treat depression. If you are depressed, you need to find a support system - find people to talk to, find ways to manage it and keep going. If you know someone who is depressed, educate yourself and help provide a support system for them.
Living with depression isn't easy, but it can be done. Life is too short to be miserable. If you're depressed, find ways to focus on the light and keep moving towards it. If you know someone who is depressed, help them find the light, move towards it, if necessary, be the light for someone else until they can find it again.
Sunday, January 12, 2014
Sunday Evening, Already!
Well, it's Sunday evening, already! Where do the weekends go? It seems like there's never any downtime. During the week, there's school, the kids' schoolwork, working and just taking care of the household. On weekends, that's when the kids and I get to (hopefully) do something fun and catch up on any extra errands or chores. Seems like we are constantly on the move, even when there's not much that really needs done.
Or is that just the way parenthood - especially SINGLE parenthood - goes? I think that being a parent - whether single, with a partner, working, staying at home, etc... it's all hard. The hardest job one will ever have. And it is one of the most under-appreciated or under-recognized jobs that a person can have. The kids and I are always relieved when the weekends come and there doesn't seem to be quite as much to do, yet we never seem to have that down-time that we need and want. :sigh:
I don't know about you, but my days are definitely not long enough, my weeks are too long and my weekends are just too short!
Randomly ranting, but living in light and love in 2014!
Or is that just the way parenthood - especially SINGLE parenthood - goes? I think that being a parent - whether single, with a partner, working, staying at home, etc... it's all hard. The hardest job one will ever have. And it is one of the most under-appreciated or under-recognized jobs that a person can have. The kids and I are always relieved when the weekends come and there doesn't seem to be quite as much to do, yet we never seem to have that down-time that we need and want. :sigh:
I don't know about you, but my days are definitely not long enough, my weeks are too long and my weekends are just too short!
Randomly ranting, but living in light and love in 2014!
Saturday, January 11, 2014
Confusion of the Heart
I don't know about the rest of you, but I know that I get awfully confused whenever I am in a relationship and things aren't going so smoothly. My most recent relationship has been an on-again, off-again roller coaster for almost three years. I know "G" and I love each other, I know we could work things out if we were both willing to try to compromise and really work at it.
But, sometimes it really is and ISN'T that simple. I think "G" and I are back "on" again at this point. I'm hoping, with a little bit of time and some effort, that we can really make a "go" of things this time. I know that my mind is saying that, logically, this shouldn't and couldn't possibly work. My heart, however, says that it can and that it just might this time. You just simply never know what direction things will go. Which is where my confusion lies.
So what do you do when one is confused about matters of the heart? The best suggestion that I can make for myself - or anyone else - is to simply take things one day at a time, one step at a time. Don't think negatively and don't expect too much of yourself or the other person - that type of expectation demands that someone be perfect. If you yourself are not perfect, how can you expect or demand perfection from your significant other?
When it comes to relationship - complicated or not - it's best to simply give you and your partner both room to grow, assess things, know what you and he/she wants and if there is doubt, give it time and don't place pressure on yourself or the other person. Somehow, I think that "G" and I are gonna be okay, whether we manage to work things out or not.
Hopefully, this new year is bringing you love - in the right way - and all of the happiness you and your significant other can handle! Living in light and love, for 2014!
But, sometimes it really is and ISN'T that simple. I think "G" and I are back "on" again at this point. I'm hoping, with a little bit of time and some effort, that we can really make a "go" of things this time. I know that my mind is saying that, logically, this shouldn't and couldn't possibly work. My heart, however, says that it can and that it just might this time. You just simply never know what direction things will go. Which is where my confusion lies.
So what do you do when one is confused about matters of the heart? The best suggestion that I can make for myself - or anyone else - is to simply take things one day at a time, one step at a time. Don't think negatively and don't expect too much of yourself or the other person - that type of expectation demands that someone be perfect. If you yourself are not perfect, how can you expect or demand perfection from your significant other?
When it comes to relationship - complicated or not - it's best to simply give you and your partner both room to grow, assess things, know what you and he/she wants and if there is doubt, give it time and don't place pressure on yourself or the other person. Somehow, I think that "G" and I are gonna be okay, whether we manage to work things out or not.
Hopefully, this new year is bringing you love - in the right way - and all of the happiness you and your significant other can handle! Living in light and love, for 2014!
Friday, January 10, 2014
Just That Time of Year...
Well, I suppose it's just that time of year. Since right before Christmas, my kids have had Strep, a random cold and now another virus that mimics the flu. I guess it's normal for this time of year, especially when one has children of various ages and they attend public school. With so many little ones in the house, it's no surprise that we all get sick at once or one right after the other.
I think the best advice anyone can give another parent during this time of year is this: Make sure you and your kids get adequate amounts of sleep, make sure you stay well-hydrated and eat less junk food. Dress weather-appropriately and avoid spending too much time in extremes of temperature one way or another.
And, of course, make sure you wash your hands frequently with soap and water and keep your bed linens and towels washed and clean. Throw away toothbrushes after each illness and replace them to prevent likelihood of reinfection. Also, try to avoid eating or drinking after one another.
We're gonna get over this sickness this go round, and then hopefully we can avoid anymore for the rest of this season!
Here's to a healthier 2014, living in light and love!
I think the best advice anyone can give another parent during this time of year is this: Make sure you and your kids get adequate amounts of sleep, make sure you stay well-hydrated and eat less junk food. Dress weather-appropriately and avoid spending too much time in extremes of temperature one way or another.
And, of course, make sure you wash your hands frequently with soap and water and keep your bed linens and towels washed and clean. Throw away toothbrushes after each illness and replace them to prevent likelihood of reinfection. Also, try to avoid eating or drinking after one another.
We're gonna get over this sickness this go round, and then hopefully we can avoid anymore for the rest of this season!
Here's to a healthier 2014, living in light and love!
Coming to Acceptance
I know that there are truly very few things in life that we can control. For many of us though, we tend to try to control almost everything or feel the need to. Sometimes, we feel the need to try to control others in our lives or control their actions. Here's a tidbit of information that I've just recently learned - you can't control another person and their actions, all you can control is yourself and your own actions or reactions.
Coming to acceptance about the fact that I cannot control as many things as I'd like, however, is another story. It has been no easy task to accept that I'm not in charge of things, especially because I tend to be a bit bossy and perhaps even a bit of a control freak. However, slowly, with time - and a lot of frustration and pain - I am coming to realize that I can't control a large part of what happens around me.
I can't MAKE things happen the way I want them to all the time, all I can do is keep moving towards a positive goal and take one step at a time until I finally achieve it. This means that, to some degree, I have to occasionally give up that control that I so desperately feel the need to have and let things fall into place as I walk the path I know I need to be on.
I may not be able to control everything that happens or how it happens or the results, but as long as I'm moving in a positive direction when things happen, I won't find myself getting so derailed that I can't get back on track. So, there's my acceptance. I am accepting that I can move myself any direction I want or need to, but there are going to be obstacles in my path or events that seem to be discouraging me.
Accepting that things happen, and often for a reason, is a good way to stay on track and accept that I cannot control everything. I accept things in my life that are both positive and negative, because each person, place, event, etc - has a lesson to teach me and there is something that I can learn. Life is all about learning from our experiences to become the person we are meant to be, why not accept those lessons with grace and patience?
Living in Light and Love in 2014!
Coming to acceptance about the fact that I cannot control as many things as I'd like, however, is another story. It has been no easy task to accept that I'm not in charge of things, especially because I tend to be a bit bossy and perhaps even a bit of a control freak. However, slowly, with time - and a lot of frustration and pain - I am coming to realize that I can't control a large part of what happens around me.
I can't MAKE things happen the way I want them to all the time, all I can do is keep moving towards a positive goal and take one step at a time until I finally achieve it. This means that, to some degree, I have to occasionally give up that control that I so desperately feel the need to have and let things fall into place as I walk the path I know I need to be on.
I may not be able to control everything that happens or how it happens or the results, but as long as I'm moving in a positive direction when things happen, I won't find myself getting so derailed that I can't get back on track. So, there's my acceptance. I am accepting that I can move myself any direction I want or need to, but there are going to be obstacles in my path or events that seem to be discouraging me.
Accepting that things happen, and often for a reason, is a good way to stay on track and accept that I cannot control everything. I accept things in my life that are both positive and negative, because each person, place, event, etc - has a lesson to teach me and there is something that I can learn. Life is all about learning from our experiences to become the person we are meant to be, why not accept those lessons with grace and patience?
Living in Light and Love in 2014!
Thursday, January 9, 2014
Forgiveness and Moving Forward
When it comes to past hurts and anger, it's very difficult to forgive and let it go. I think that many times, when we are struggling with trying to forgive someone else, we often are so caught up in our anger or hurt feelings that we then feel guilty for feeling angry or hurt, so we end up sabotaging our attempts at forgiving the other person.
I think that sometimes too, when someone has hurt or offended us, sometimes their actions are a reaction to our own actions. And then, when we are struggling to forgive them for their offense, we can't do it unless we have acknowledged where we have wronged them as well.
I don't know if true forgiveness is always possible. Sometimes the hurt or anger is so deep, it can seem impossible to let the offense go. But, if we are to love others and ourselves and to move past the hurt and anger, forgiveness is an important step. I am not suggesting that one should blindly forgive and forget. But forgiveness is a big part of moving forward, even if you are aware that you should proceed with caution in trusting the person again.
But this much I do know - If we are to successfully forgive another person and move forward, we first have to be able to forgive ourselves. We may need to forgive ourselves for causing hurt feelings to another or for being inconsiderate of their feelings, we may need to forgive our initial reaction to another's actions that caused them pain on top of the pain we caused us. If we really want to forgive another and move forward, we need to remember to turn the forgiveness inward as well.
And once we've given forgiveness, then the offense needs to be truly forgiven. This means that we can't keep dwelling on the action or reaction that caused pain or anger, we need to move past it and not keep throwing the incident up in the other's face or holding it over their heads. The point of forgiveness is to acknowledge the hurt or upset that something or someone has caused and then to move past it and try to repair the relationship.
I think that sometimes too, when someone has hurt or offended us, sometimes their actions are a reaction to our own actions. And then, when we are struggling to forgive them for their offense, we can't do it unless we have acknowledged where we have wronged them as well.
I don't know if true forgiveness is always possible. Sometimes the hurt or anger is so deep, it can seem impossible to let the offense go. But, if we are to love others and ourselves and to move past the hurt and anger, forgiveness is an important step. I am not suggesting that one should blindly forgive and forget. But forgiveness is a big part of moving forward, even if you are aware that you should proceed with caution in trusting the person again.
But this much I do know - If we are to successfully forgive another person and move forward, we first have to be able to forgive ourselves. We may need to forgive ourselves for causing hurt feelings to another or for being inconsiderate of their feelings, we may need to forgive our initial reaction to another's actions that caused them pain on top of the pain we caused us. If we really want to forgive another and move forward, we need to remember to turn the forgiveness inward as well.
And once we've given forgiveness, then the offense needs to be truly forgiven. This means that we can't keep dwelling on the action or reaction that caused pain or anger, we need to move past it and not keep throwing the incident up in the other's face or holding it over their heads. The point of forgiveness is to acknowledge the hurt or upset that something or someone has caused and then to move past it and try to repair the relationship.
Wednesday, January 8, 2014
What-Ifs and Memories
So, I'm sitting here tonight, pondering life and relationships. Thinking back to my marriages and the almost-3-year relationship that just ended. I don't know that my marriages really should have ever happened in the first place, but I have 7 wonderful children as a result, so I wouldn't go back and change those marriages if I could. But the most recently ended relationship. Wow. I don't know that I would go back and undo it, because I learned so much about love and relationships with "G." But I also learned that love is a really scary thing, which is funny, because I don't think I truly learned that during my marriages.
To love - and be loved - is to bare your heart and soul to another human being, to make yourself fully vulnerable to them and hope that neither person gets hurt. That's scary. Some people are incapable of doing this, which means they protect themselves from hurt, but they also never experience the true joy of love and vulnerability with another person. To let another person into your heart and soul requires the ability to be vulnerable and risk getting hurt, but it also requires a great deal of courage and strength. And if you do, by some chance, happen to get hurt in the process, where do you go from there? That, my friends, is the ultimate question.
Do you give love another chance when you've been hurt or have hurt the other? Do you try again with that person? Or do you simply move on and perhaps at a later date, try to love again with someone else? In this instance, I think both of us simply got too tired to keep trying. But I feel no desire or urge to try again with another. Having had love that was like no other and knowing that I would probably always compare someone else to "G," it's probably best if I don't even consider another relationship. I know my heart and know that it's gonna take a long time - if ever - to get over this one.
It's really sad when you meet someone, you know that simply by meeting them, your life will never be the same, YOU will never be the same, and it's equally sad to know that for - whatever reasons there may be - you can't spend your life with them like you'd hoped, so you have to find a way to move on and let them go. Yes, love is beautiful and love is awesome, but love can hurt, very deeply. Sometimes cause damage that is irreparable. So, find the beauty and awesomeness in your experiences with love, enjoy the joy, find hope in love and hold onto that beauty, joy and hope if something happens and love goes wrong. It will get you through the pain.
Memories are there, both good and bad. I wonder about what-ifs and wonder if things could have been different "if only." For two letters, the word "if" sure carries a lot of weight. I don't know if anything I have written makes sense. With so many memories swirling through my mind tonight, it's no wonder that I am writing a bit of a "downer" for this blog post. Ah, so be it. Tomorrow is another day and a new beginning.
Here's to life, love, beginnings and endings and living with light and love in 2014.
To love - and be loved - is to bare your heart and soul to another human being, to make yourself fully vulnerable to them and hope that neither person gets hurt. That's scary. Some people are incapable of doing this, which means they protect themselves from hurt, but they also never experience the true joy of love and vulnerability with another person. To let another person into your heart and soul requires the ability to be vulnerable and risk getting hurt, but it also requires a great deal of courage and strength. And if you do, by some chance, happen to get hurt in the process, where do you go from there? That, my friends, is the ultimate question.
Do you give love another chance when you've been hurt or have hurt the other? Do you try again with that person? Or do you simply move on and perhaps at a later date, try to love again with someone else? In this instance, I think both of us simply got too tired to keep trying. But I feel no desire or urge to try again with another. Having had love that was like no other and knowing that I would probably always compare someone else to "G," it's probably best if I don't even consider another relationship. I know my heart and know that it's gonna take a long time - if ever - to get over this one.
It's really sad when you meet someone, you know that simply by meeting them, your life will never be the same, YOU will never be the same, and it's equally sad to know that for - whatever reasons there may be - you can't spend your life with them like you'd hoped, so you have to find a way to move on and let them go. Yes, love is beautiful and love is awesome, but love can hurt, very deeply. Sometimes cause damage that is irreparable. So, find the beauty and awesomeness in your experiences with love, enjoy the joy, find hope in love and hold onto that beauty, joy and hope if something happens and love goes wrong. It will get you through the pain.
Memories are there, both good and bad. I wonder about what-ifs and wonder if things could have been different "if only." For two letters, the word "if" sure carries a lot of weight. I don't know if anything I have written makes sense. With so many memories swirling through my mind tonight, it's no wonder that I am writing a bit of a "downer" for this blog post. Ah, so be it. Tomorrow is another day and a new beginning.
Here's to life, love, beginnings and endings and living with light and love in 2014.
Tuesday, January 7, 2014
Book Update #3
Well, after a very stressful semester with school and struggling to juggle kids, home, schoolwork and writing, I didn't get nearly as much accomplished on either of my manuscripts as I would have liked. I've discovered something important - writing a book is no easy task! And I was very unrealistic to have set some of the goals I have for getting my books published.
That being said, even my blog posts have suffered. I would begin them, save the drafts and then simply forget to go back and edit and publish. SO. First things first. I might have my first book published sometime in March 2014. The other one is nowhere close to finished, so it will simply have to wait. I think a more realistic goal is to simply maintain my grades in school this semester and to make sure I write at least two blog posts per week and perhaps try for publishing on each of the writing sites I write for at least once a week.
In the meantime, working on a chapter a week for each book is probably a bit more of a realistic goal. I will let you all know how that works out. As you all know, sometimes, life gets in the way of life, despite our best intentions.
That being said, even my blog posts have suffered. I would begin them, save the drafts and then simply forget to go back and edit and publish. SO. First things first. I might have my first book published sometime in March 2014. The other one is nowhere close to finished, so it will simply have to wait. I think a more realistic goal is to simply maintain my grades in school this semester and to make sure I write at least two blog posts per week and perhaps try for publishing on each of the writing sites I write for at least once a week.
In the meantime, working on a chapter a week for each book is probably a bit more of a realistic goal. I will let you all know how that works out. As you all know, sometimes, life gets in the way of life, despite our best intentions.
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