On Life and Words

Today is The 4th of July, America's Independence Day. I hope that each and every one of you is having a safe and happy Fourth of July, while you're busy celebrating American freedom. While you're going about your celebrations and cookouts, watching fireworks and spending time with friends and family... Give a thought to those who gave their lives for our freedom, give a thankyou to those who have served or are still serving . Freedom isn't free. It can come at a heavy price. Never take it for granted. Have a safe and happy 4th of July and remember not to drink and drive.

Divorce is extremely difficult, even without children. But if you have kids, it's even more difficult. Many divorced parents don't realize how much their fighting or discord actually affects their child(ren.) It can be difficult to be neutral or diplomatic during or after a divorce, but if you have children with your ex-spouse, it's of utmost importance that you set aside differences, anger and fighting and learn to at least be civil with your ex.  If there are unresolved issues in your former relationship or if you and your ex-spouse have a history of dysfunction, it can be extremely difficult to come together and be successful at co-parenting your child(ren.) In cases like this, it can come down to a simple matter of, one of you needs to let things go and be the bigger person. Even if you feel like you might want to lash out at the other parent or want to talk negatively about the other parent to your child(ren,) it's extremely important for the well-being of ever...

Are you where you are in your life due to chances or choices? If you have to stop and think too hard about the answer to this question, perhaps you are not ready to live a life of authenticity with light and love. I'm not intending to sound harsh or as if I know everything, because I certainly don't know everything, but there is a certain level of self-awareness and self-honesty that is required to admit that a lot of things in our lives is due to choices of our own making. When we can stop and be truly honest with ourselves and admit that we've made some not-so-great, even BAD, choices, then we can stop blaming chance and blaming others for our problems and the struggles in our lives and move forward. There is a certain amount of chance in life, chance can sometimes cause some degree of difficulty in our lives. But when it comes to chance, even when we cannot control our circumstances, we still can control our reactions or choices that result from chance events. So, a...

Life is funny. One minute you're on the straight and narrow path and you've got a plan, the next you've come upon a giant tree in the road and one side of the road has a cliff on it and the other is water. So what do you do then? Jump off in the water and hope you can swim? Do you dive off the cliff and hope you magically learn how to fly? Or do you try to find a way to go over that tree in the road? What if I told you that, sometimes, it's a combination of the three? Sometimes you have to swim, sometimes you have to fly... other times you have to figure out a way over or through your obstacles. Life is full of changes. Indeed, in a single moment, things can change in the blink of an eye and it can seem that all of your well-made plans evaporate right before your eyes. It's really easy to get discouraged and frustrated when things happen to mess up your plans, especially when it seems like you'll never get out from underneath the current crisis or stress. I...

Are we true to ourselves, our hopes, our dreams? Do we live within our proclaimed values and morals? Do we feel like we can be our true selves or do we feel the need to wear a mask or to be someone we are not? A life lived in disguise, lived based on what others think we should do, is a life wasted. I wish someone had told me that years ago, instead of learning it the hard way. For too many years, I lived within the ideals of what I believed was best, simply because it was what everyone expected of me. I attempted to hide my true self and attempted to avoid confrontation or doing anything to "rock the boat" in attempts to make others happy. I found myself hiding my true thoughts, feelings, beliefs and ideas. I wore a mask that I never took off, even with those who were supposed to be closest to me. That's absolutely no way to live. I found that in trying to please others, I pleased no one and I made myself absolutely miserable. It's like I kept waiting for pe...

Wow, this has been a crazy few years. Starting in 2010, when my marriage began to crumble right after my youngest child was born, then meeting my new love, whom I've now been with for 3 years, to starting college and now being a year away from graduating with my Associate's degree in Psychology, it's been a rough ride. Finally, last year, the May 20th tornado of Moore, Oklahoma took out our life as we knew it. Then, a month ago, my boyfriend had a massive heart attack. I had an epiphany this morning. Even when life is at it's lowest point and even when you seemingly can't go anywhere, the only option becomes to move forward and go up from there. So, even though I've been down for the last few years, it's all UP from here. Our life path is our choice, we CHOOSE the direction we move in. Starting today, I'm choosing to go forward and up. While I haven't been writing much the last several months (obviously, I've been horrible at keeping a blog!...

Negativity is one of the many pitfalls of life. Too often, we allow that negativity to consume us and ruin our day, we find ourselves dwelling on the negatives and forget all about anything that might actually be positive. I'm here to remind you that it doesn't have to be that way. If you find yourself dwelling on the negative, you'll find yourself living in a bubble of darkness, you'll find that you have no enjoyment in life. Focusing on the positive will balance out the negativity in your life, it can even help to minimize it. All you need to do is simply find one thing each morning to be thankful for in your life. If you can find one positive thing to focus on, then this helps to keep negativity at bay and you won't drown in the waves of negativity. Negativity will always be there, it's a natural part of life, but you needn't feel like that is all there is in your life. Simply choose to focus on the positive and you will find that life doesn't se...

After the crazy week we've had here, with Sweetie's heart attack, his hospital stay, getting him home, me starting a new job and trying to work around everything else going on, I'm definitely exhausted! I have come to the realization that there are many different levels and types of exhaustion. I think that there are at least three and then there are combinations thereof. Physical, mental and emotional would be the three types of exhaustion and any of them can be extremely draining, but even more so, if you are dealing with a combination of the three. I'm not sure what level I'm at, I just know I'm very tired. I'm just feeling drained and slightly overwhelmed. A simpler word for what I am feeling right now, would be "stress." Yep. Definitely stressed. Life has a funny way of throwing things at you when you least expect it and feel the least equipped to handle it. Knowing or suspecting something could happen and it actually happening are two di...

My boyfriend had a heart attack Wednesday afternoon. It's been a rough week. His heart attack actually started late Tuesday night, but it didn't get bad enough until Wednesday afternoon for him to realize how serious it was and then he finally had me take him to the emergency room. I picked him up from work, dropped him off at the emergency room, went and picked up my kids from school, then I went back to the hospital to find out what was going on with him after I handed the kids off to his sister. When I got to the hospital, they were getting ready to transport him to the Heart Hospital to have a cath procedure done on his heart and put a stint in where a blockage was. So, I rode in the ambulance with him to the Oklahoma Heart Hospital and then waited while he was in surgery. I have never been so worried in my life! The procedure went well and after he made it out of recovery and was put into a room, I finally got to see him. He said, even coming out of anesthetic, that h...

Well, it's been a year since our world was turned upside down and life as we knew it ended. I can think of nothing in my life that has affected me or my family as drastically as the May 20th, 2013 tornado in Moore, Oklahoma. In a single instant, due to circumstances beyond our control and a natural disaster, our way of living was destroyed and our city was destroyed. The outpouring of love, support and emergency efforts from not just our home state, but our country and even the world was amazing. It was awesome to see that there were so many people out there who cared about us and others who lost their homes and way of life. Those emergency support efforts were very much appreciated, not just by us, but by everyone affected by the tornado. While my children and I didn't lose our home specifically, we lost almost everything inside, our vehicle was ruined, and the kids' school was demolished. My children lost classmates and friends, which has proven to be devastating. Du...

I ran a Yahoo Group for many years, with many difficulties over the years. Some of it was stuff simply between members, other stuff was between admins and myself. Over time, the group simply fizzled out, especially as it couldn't take the pressure of issues I myself (as the group owner and primary admin) was having and disputes about the group and focus of the group. I see here, a great group with a potential to be a completely awesome place for support for everyone.  What troubles me is the seeming discord between admins and former admins, not simply about how much one should pull their own weight or what each one should do, but also about the purpose or goal of the group. To me, a place of support, is just that. A place of support. Where, members support one another through common issues and realize that they are not alone. I may have this entirely wrong or my memory might be off, but I don't remember during my time running my Yahoo groups ever expecting an admin to be ...

Well, I suppose it's just that time of year. Since right before Christmas, my kids have had Strep, a random cold and now another virus that mimics the flu. I guess it's normal for this time of year, especially when one has children of various ages and they attend public school. With so many little ones in the house, it's no surprise that we all get sick at once or one right after the other. I think the best advice anyone can give another parent during this time of year is this: Make sure you and your kids get adequate amounts of sleep, make sure you stay well-hydrated and eat less junk food. Dress weather-appropriately and avoid spending too much time in extremes of temperature one way or another. And, of course, make sure you wash your hands frequently with soap and water and keep your bed linens and towels washed and clean. Throw away toothbrushes after each illness and replace them to prevent likelihood of reinfection. Also, try to avoid eating or drinking after one...

I know that there are truly very few things in life that we can control. For many of us though, we tend to try to control almost everything or feel the need to. Sometimes, we feel the need to try to control others in our lives or control their actions. Here's a tidbit of information that I've just recently learned - you can't control another person and their actions, all you can control is yourself and your own actions or reactions. Coming to acceptance about the fact that I cannot control as many things as I'd like, however, is another story. It has been no easy task to accept that I'm not in charge of things, especially because I tend to be a bit bossy and perhaps even a bit of a control freak. However, slowly, with time - and a lot of frustration and pain - I am coming to realize that I can't control a large part of what happens around me. I can't MAKE things happen the way I want them to all the time, all I can do is keep moving towards a positive g...

When it comes to past hurts and anger, it's very difficult to forgive and let it go. I think that many times, when we are struggling with trying to forgive someone else, we often are so caught up in our anger or hurt feelings that we then feel guilty for feeling angry or hurt, so we end up sabotaging our attempts at forgiving the other person. I think that sometimes too, when someone has hurt or offended us, sometimes their actions are a reaction to our own actions. And then, when we are struggling to forgive them for their offense, we can't do it unless we have acknowledged where we have wronged them as well. I don't know if true forgiveness is always possible. Sometimes the hurt or anger is so deep, it can seem impossible to let the offense go. But, if we are to love others and ourselves and to move past the hurt and anger, forgiveness is an important step. I am not suggesting that one should blindly forgive and forget. But forgiveness is a big part of moving forward...

So, after almost 3 years, my most recent relationship has ended. I wasn't really surprised. It was a crazy, up and down kind of relationship. I think I'm most surprised that it lasted as long as it did. This relationship was one of those insane, feel-an-instant-connection, dive head-first into it kind of relationships. One that seemed OH so perfect and wrong all at the same time. But, sometimes, even when all of the emotions are right and the commitment is there, a relationship simply can't withstand the pressures of life and it can't continue. When you have two people who are not only complete opposites, but also at completely different points in their lives, it is almost impossible for the relationship to succeed. In the end, in a situation like this, sometimes the only way to go is down, or, more dramatically, the relationship collides straight into a brick wall. I think that's what happened here. In the end, there was no room for compromise on either side a...

Have you ever felt like an event in your life has so totally derailed things that your life has actually been interrupted and basically suspended, indefinitely? I have had this occur a few times in my life and have discovered something - I don't care for it much at all. I think that sometimes, these interruptions, so to speak, can be external events, internal events, relationships beginning or ending or just about anything that causes emotional trauma. So what does one do, when they are living a life interrupted? The first thing to do is to realize that your circumstances do not define who you are. Relationships do not define who you are. Events in your past or present do not define who you are as a person. You can live your life despite your past or even present, as long as you remember that this interruption, or suspension, is never permanent. As long as you do not allow the interruption to paralyze you into inaction, you can, indeed, pick up and move through life again. A l...

So, we're three days into 2014. How's your year starting out? My new year is starting out rather oddly. I have a feeling that I am coming up on some major decisions about some personal relationships, which I am a little nervous about. I am also getting ready to start a new semester in college - since each semester has become progressively harder, I know that this one will be no less challenging. I am going to really need to watch myself for the time being and make it a point not to let the negativity and difficulties get to me. As I've said at various points in my life, and now, as a reminder to myself and all of you out there reading this: "I am stronger than my challenges and struggles. I will not let negativity win. I am not my past." This goes for everyone. Keep on living in light and love for 2014!

Another year has passed us by... we have left 2013 behind and entered 2014. The new year always brings with it, hopes for change and we often set goals, or "resolutions." We are two days into the new year, and I have yet to actually finish my "resolutions." Why are those resolutions so important? If we were all honest, most of us don't actually end up following through with those resolutions and we end up feeling a great sense of failure about it. So, one might ask, what's the point? Why bother setting goals for one's self if one isn't going to even bother to meet those goals? All of us have the desire to change something in our lives, even if it's not something major, perhaps a bad habit, a minor organizational issue, etc.. We always seem to feel the urge to make "resolutions" at the beginning of a new year to change these things. The problem is, making a "Resolution" can seem like a "do or die" affair and we...

Well, out with the old, in with the new. Another new year begins. With it, the hope that this year will be better than the last. Welcome, my new friend, 2014. I don't know about the rest of you, but I'm VERY excited to start a new year. To me, each new DAY is another chance to get life right. Life isn't easy, we struggle through daily and each of us much find our own path and make the choices that are right for us. I know I am not perfect, my life isn't perfect. If I were completely honest, I feel like I fail at life and doing the things I need to do a large portion of the time. I know that sounds like a "downer," but it's simply honesty. And I think if most people were more honest, we'd all be more willing to admit that we are flawed and imperfect, that we struggle with SOMETHING on a day to day basis. What does all of this have to do with the New Year? Well, this year, I am hoping to find the sense of balance and find my organizational skills, b...

On May 20th, 2013, our lives were changed forever as a tornado ripped through our town and devastated our homes, our families and our schools. Many of us lost almost everything, some of us lost everything, some lost loved ones. There were many who stepped in and brought us hope in wake of the devastation in our lives. The donations of clothing, were put to very good use. The donations of gift cards helped us to get the things we needed to replace and enabled us to put whatever cash we had towards the things we needed in the immediate. All of us send out a heartfelt thank-you. Not simply for the donations of clothing, gift cards or other "things," but also for the hope that was sent with it. In the midst of a disaster, it can be extremely difficult to know which direction to turn, what step to take next or how to cope. Simply knowing that there were people who cared about us and were willing to put forth their time, effort and money to help total strangers brought...